Continuing the issue from my last post
, which now seems to have blown up even more so. (I know, I know, I'm harping on this issue, but it's struck a nerve in more than one way.)
Getting away from the actual warn versus not-warn issue, the thing that really, really got me was the kind of arguments some of the not-so-keen-on-warning people were pushing out there.
A lot of them have now been deleted, but some are quoted here
. Following aukestrel
's 'suggestion' that impertinence
seems 'to look for the negative in any situation and to paint yourself as more of a victim (if you could be) than you already are' she made this post
(now deleted, that's a screencap of what was a public post) that rather reads like a suggestion impertinence
is lying. There's also a delightful claim that victims are 'privileged' because of their trauma and a few claims to knowing impertinence
's state of mental health and issues better than she does. And then there's the whole 'it's your own fault if you read it' and'well, victims of sexual assault should just get friends to read fics ahead of time and tell them if something in there might be triggery or just not read at all'.
Yeah, and I suppose I should never leave my house again since I could risk being raped again. Look at the sort of arguments you're making.
Just look. Take three deep breaths and look at those arguments and the things said in there. About rape victims
. Those are shitty, nasty things to say.
So you feel dogpiled, badly treated and want to defend what seems a somewhat unpopular opinion. I can feel a bit of sympathy for you for feeling unfairly treated and having been called names. I can. But where is your compassion saying things like this to a victim of sexual assault, FFS? Look at those things said.
Because here are some of the delightful side-effects that come with being raped: (Will vary, depending on situation.)
1. People not believing you.
2. People making judgements on your sexuality because you were raped.
3. People thinking you carry part of the responsibility for being raped or plain out brought it on yourself.
4. The rapist not being brought to justice for what he/she did. (Frighteningly common.)
5. People implying you're making a bigger deal out of it than it was and playing the victim.
6. Triggers and possible PTSD.
7. People thinking they know exactly what you're going through and how to handle it.
Any of this look familiar? Looking at those arguments, I'm sure seeing recurring themes.
I've said this before
and I say it again: rape is a shit thing to have happen to you. And the aftermath of it is no less so. Part of the reason for that is the sort of things I listed above. Those and some others are why so few rapes are reported, why so many people struggle to come forward with their stories. There is still a huge social stigma attached to rape for the victim
. And that's bloody unfair.
Don't turn it on the victim. Have a little compassion. If for no other reason, do it because tomorrow it could be you. Or someone in your family. Or a friend. It will happen to someone you know, if it hasn't already.
If you don't want to warn, you don't want to warn. People will disagree with you, but don't argue your case this way. Really don't.
(I shall mention in the interest of fairness I'm a bit iffy on some things said and done by the other side as well. trigger_fence
for instance, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I try to be aware of my bias and be somewhat fair here, but it's really hard when reading some of the comments. It's like being kicked in the stomach.)
I need a shower and breakfast and some reaffirming that people are also awesome, please.