Cam's Tales of Batshit

[misscam]

As promised - Cam's Tales of Batshit. Keeping a firm grip on your sanity at all times when reading is adviced. Adult material contained within. Read at own risk. With links for advanced reading.

Link's Queen
(or How to Make Love Like Tigers)

Our tale begins with yours truly as a fairly young and sane girl, having only really been in two fandoms. One day Cam happened to wander around ff.net and come across a story called My Inner Life written by Link's Queen.

MIL, as we'll call it, was a tale with over twenty chapters of Jenna - the author's persona - and Link, the dude in green you might've spotted in a Nintendo near you. MIL is a touching story about sexlove, all written down in lovingly detail based on the author's lucid dreams. Jenna and Link get it on in chapter one already, get married in the second and spend the rest of it shagging, shagging, shagging and taking over Hyrule. Eeeeeeevryone luvs them, especially Jenna, who turns out to have magical powers and is even more speshul than Link.

Other noteable features of the fic include an author's note several pages long with paragraps entirely in Caps Lock included, writing "through" as "threw" throughout, buggering quotation rules over all ways from Sunday, punctuation issues, plots so flat Denmark looks positively curvy in comparison and one chapter containing twenty variations of "he grunted like a tiger/he moaned like a male tiger/I purred like a female tiger" in a shag scene.

I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear this story got some less than stellar reviews. And because young Cam was very, very, very stupid, she felt vaguely bad for this chick and left a review pointing out maybe she should get a beta reader.

Stupid is as stupid does, and LQ makes contact, asking if maybe Cam can be that beta reader.

Pop-quiz! An author of a Mary Sue story to shame all other Mary Sue stories ask you to beta it. Do you...:
1) FLEEE?
2) Pretend it was really your twin sister who left that review and she's gone to Chile on a six-month student exchange?
3) Tell her bluntly 'no way in hell, heaven, nirvana or Valhall, are you kidding me'?
4) Delete the e-mail and forget MIL ever existed?
5) Say yes?

Anyone picking 1-4 has better survival insticts than young Cam did.

To fully understand this stupidity, here follows some fic examples.

Author's Note:
Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story. As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year. Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link. I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream. I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off. Even to this day I still have them. I find that they help me get through life. I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it. Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view.(...)
IT'S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM! ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM. IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT'S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF! I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!

Quotation issues!:
His eyes were like looking down into deep blue pools of water. His lips firm. His ears long and sexy. Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle. And his body was so tight and muscular that it took my breath away. When our eyes met, I blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and took my hand in his, gently kissed it and asked, "Who might this beautiful young lady be?" I turned my head back to face him, and as our eyes met again I blushed. "My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast." "My village is there." "I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long time." "And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival." He looked into my eyes and smiled. Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and spoke. "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." "You are as beautiful as a winter rose." He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes. "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again.

Clothes!:
The dress was the most beautiful and the most expensive I had ever seen. The King had spared no expense when he had it made. The top of the dress was a low "V" cut with lace that crisscrossed in front of my breasts to hold them up. And a feathery lace design lined the edges. Inter woven in the lace was an intricate design of pearls and at the very center was a gold Triforce design. The lace design "V at the waist and a different lace pattern started where the other left off. The other pattern was all of the Triforce design. Smaller gold Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the dress. The sleeves were a see through lace that ran from mid arm all the way down to my wrist and attached at my middle finger. My veil had a full pearl design at the front and small solid white Triforce designs lines the edges. After I was fully dressed all that was left to do was finish my hair.

Bonding!:
After the earrings were attached to Link's ears, we were told that as a rule of a bonded couple we were never to remove the jewelry. They were to symbolize that we were a bonded couple. Though the bracelet and earrings were put on so bare hands could not remove them. The head monk also explained that helps prevent adultery. When a couple completes the bonding ceremony, they must a hear to the rules.
First. The man is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non-bonded female unless his mate is present. Second. The woman is not allowed to be alone with a bonded or non bonded male unless her mate is present. Third. When visiting with other bonded couples, both mates on both sides must be present. Only exceptions. A bonded male can visit with another bonded or non bonded male(s) with out his mate present. A bonded female can visit with another bonded or non bonded female(s) without her mate present. A Bonded male or female can go out into public without their mates present. A bonded male or female can visit with family without their mates present. And a bonded male or female can visit with higher authority (such as the king) without their mates present.

Speshulness!:
That made the King happy. Since we wed he had another heir to the throne. In the event that Princess Zelda does not take the throne, Link is next in line. Then I would become Queen. The King knew he was not getting any younger, but he felt at ease knowing there was another to be able to take the throne in the event that Zelda does not. Though this did not change Link and I, but we had to groom ourselves in the event that Link would become King and I Queen. I loved the King, he had become like a father to me. But I was in no hurry to become Queen. Though I knew that day may eventually come.

Tiger-shagging!:
I felt my body beginning to convulse as his steady gentle thrusts caused me to cry out like a female tiger, ecstasy filling each note. His mouth pressed harder against my neck as he gently bit on it, his tiger like groans being muffled against my skin. Then he thrust himself deeper into me, causing my body to shudder in pure bliss, my nails digging into the floor as my groans soon turned into loud cries of ecstasy. He continued to bite down on my neck and back in unison with his steady thrusts sending waves of eternal bliss to go surging threw my body, threw my every vein, as my loud tiger like cries tore into the air.

As it turns out, LQ isn't just having lucid dreams about Link, she thinks he really exists.

Pop-quiz! You find the author you're beta'ing for thinks a bunch of pixels is real and communicates with her. Do you...:
1) FLEE?
2) FLEE?
3) FLEE - then point and laugh from a safe distance?
4) Think maybe you can steer her carefully in the direction of sanity?

Everything but 4 is correct. 4 is very, very wrong and very, very stupid, which is of course then what Cam tried to do. The sucess rate, about zilch. And when our friend LQ makes some racist remarks, young Cam finally sees the light (mostly because it's hitting her a mallet) and quits trying to beta the thing.

The tale, sadly, goes on. LQ continues to write, and nurses her deep hate of Tilly, her nemesis. Tilly finds MIL hilarious and mocks it at GAFF (GodAwful FanFiction). LQ shows up to rant. LQ gets a new beta, only it turns out the beta is mostly doing it for the laughing potential - and MST. LQ gets her own guild at Neopets and shares her fantasies of Link with quite young 'uns. LQ gets caught using fanart without permission and has a fit when told she should get it. (LQ herself is 27, as it turns out.)

In the end, Cam isn't sure what happened to LQ. Maybe she's still out there, lucid dreaming about Link. Maybe she's found another hobby. Maybe she and Tilly made up with hot lesbian sex, growling like tigers all the way. Maybe.

Pop-quiz! Lesson learned from this tale:
1) Do not beta for the batshit?
2) Sex scenes should have more tiger mentions?
3) You should always have an invented twin as an escape option?
4) Pixels are real. For reals?

You may pick your own answer.

Advanced reading:
MIL itself.

ETA - Advanced reading as suggested by gehayi:
Rant
And is this any better?
Self Destruct Rant
marysues takes on My Inner Life.


The Tinhats
(or How Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan Were Trapped in the Closet by Sean Astin)

Once upon a time there was a book. Or a triology. Or rather six books, published as a triology. And a lot of appendixes. But whatever it was, it was popular. It had a fandom, even if the book was written by an old professor with language fetishes.

Then, then came Peter Jackson and the first movie of pretty. Pretty Elves, pretty humans, pretty hobbits. Pretty. Way too much pretty.

Two of these pretty hobbits were played by Elijah Wood (Frodo) and Dominic Monaghan (Merry). And because fangirls like pretty on pretty, 'lo, there was slash.

Then there was RPF. And then, then there were Tinhats.

Yours truly was at the time in LotR fandom writing OFUM, when she one day heard muttersing of people who took their Elijah/Dominic (Domlijah, in the true horrifying fashion of mushed ship names) shipping a little too far - a little into thinking it was real. yes. Elijah and Dom were shagging like bunnies. Shagging, shagging, shagging. And why was this not all over the media? Well, New Line was keeping them in the closet, see. Because them coming out would hurt the profits of the coming movies. And also Sean Astin (playing Sam) was a big evil homophobe. (Why New Line would closet them and have Sir Ian McKellen be merrily out and gay wasn't always explained. Maybe New Line only closets the young and pretty.) But fear not, because the Domlijah crowd knew the truth. And Elijah and Dom knew that they knew - and would give them shout-outs. Often with what colour clothing they wore.

Cam found this all very boggling. And because she likes a good boggle, she started to hang at DL_anon, where much boggling at Tinhats was had. One day, she came across a Swedish Tinhat and felt this was very sad. The Swedish Tinhat felt insulted Cam felt this was very sad, and there were Words. And a war of different nationalities, apparently.

Some time later, there is a death threat made to a dl_anon member by a Tinhat. Or should we say, a TinSock. Because Cam finds a clue and it is revealed that the death threat was made by the Swedish Tinhat. The Swedish Tinhat has infact been doing much, much naughtiness with the TinSock. Lead Tinhat MsA may or may not have known about this. Oooh, scandal. (Actually, rather was.)

Swedish Tinhat leaves Tinhat fandom. The dust settles. The Tinhats believe on. Movie three is released, and the Day of Truth doesn't happen. Dom and Elijah doesn't proclaim their twu wub to the world. But that's okay, they're staying in the closet so they won't hurt the Oscar chances of the movie. And then because... Umm... Oh, one of the is under contract with Disney. Disney has evil PR people good at locking closets. And then...

Well, they never came out, did they? Which might just mean - shock, horror! - they never were closeted twu wub. Tinhats fade, MsA gets into BSG fandom, the Swede is not heard from again, but the pretty, the pretty will never die. Oh, and one mustn't forget VB...

Advanced reading:
Memorable entries on DL_anon.
The tale of VB.


Hellfire
(or Islam Is Evil, but Incest Is Great!)

Our tale begins at GAFF, where yours truly used to hang out in the messageboard. Amongst the regulars were Hellfire, a Brit who seemed relatively sane and nice. So, when Hellfire asked Cam if she wanted to participate in a book thing on fandom, Cam didn't see any problems with that. Real names were exchanged, but as these things go, the project never happened. Cam and Hellfire would chat on IM a bit still, and but no hints were dropped about the bomb of WTF that was about to drop.

GAFF didn't just discuss fanfic. There were discussions about pretty much everything, and one day, incest got the honor. It didn't really kick off until "Puppy", who enjoyed a loving sexual relationship with her father (to paraphrase her), posted to proclaim incest, incest was grand. The kicker? "Puppy" is Hellfire. It reaches fandom_wank. As Hellfire reveals more details of this 'loving relationship', including the fact that her father first made an advance when she was 15, people start to get just a taaaaad iffed out. When it's also revealed Hellfire would want to raise her family in incest-y glory and do her son, the iff metre goes off the scale.

Cam is first too boggled at it all to much react, but sooon discovers that though tolerance is grand, parent/child is not and ick ick ick ick NO. Despite this, she does not block Hellfire on IM, which soon turns out to be another silly, silly mistake. It turns out Hellfire wants acceptance and understanding for those screwing family members, but muslims, they are evil and nasty and suicide bombers all of them and should be hated on. It makes fandom_wank AGAIN. Cam gets an IM for Hellfire later, and spends about an hour trying to explain that maybe, just maybe there are a few narrow-minded racist preconceptions at work there, maybe? Maybe?

Hellfire wanks on. Next up, she scorns on marrying dolphins and Islam again. This time with the bonus of Hellfire showing up to defend herself. And then there's sexual TMI about father-fucking and oh-the-wank-never-endsargh argh argh HIT IT WITH STFU STICKS.

Ahem. Sorry. Lost narrative there in a wave of frustration.

A bit later, GFF forums go boom. Original threads are lost. Hellfire is last seen proclaiming she's going to get married and moving to the US. If she and her father get back together and live happily ever after in shagging and biogtry DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT FOR THE LOVE OF GODS I DON'T BELIVE IN ARGH ARGH ARGH.

Advanced reading: .... You don't really want to know more about this, do you?


CSI Wankimplosion (or GSR: And Then There Was Wank)
CSI. A show about who is doing whocrime scene investigators. Grissom, Catherine, Nick, Warrick, Sara and Greg. Would fandom concern itself with how law enforcement is portrayed, scientific cheats or the crime of the week, would you think? Of course not. Fandom concerns itself with shagging. Not just any, of course. It has to be the right people. Some like Grissom and Sara. Some like Grissom and Catherine. Some like Catherine and Warrick. Some like Catherine and Nick. Some like Nick and Sara. And so it goes on. People would scorn on those Not of the Right Ship, but mostly, people stayed in their own camps and felt sure they would be Canon any day now, really! Any day came - for Grissom/Sara shippers, despite theories to the contrary. June 2006, the series finale ended with Sara and Grissom spotted in the same bedroom, and Sara in a robe. Fandom went bananas. Pick your own banana:

I JUST DONT GET IT they FORSHADOWED SNICKER they made it CLEAR they've been Anti GSR AND THEY DO GSR
personally II think its because all the GSR fans with no lives mailing and saying ITS THE MOST POPULAR SHIP and thats why they did it
I'VE LOST ALL HOPE AND CAN NO LONGER BE OPTIMISTIC

TPTB's way of saying, "HAHA YOUR THOUGHTS, BELIEFS AND SHIPPER FAITH ARE ALL MEANINGLESS! NOW HERE, HAVE SOME GSR!"

So it was Evil cross-dressing Grant in that bedroom yapping about himself and not the Gil we know. We all know that Gil has a taste for the fine things in life so the dead give away is that hideous robe/shirt/whatever the frick it was. And would the Gil we have seen in the past 6 years want to see any women in a cotton granny nightgown? Good Lord, a T-shirt is sexier. Heebie jeebies that bed attire was and most likely why Billy said that talk was like an old married couple, ahh yeah like two people in their frick'n 80’s. Someone shoot me now and put and end to this maddness. But then again Billy said something to the fact Gil (really we know it was Evil Grant) yapping in that scene/their relationship was not sexual in nature, well duh not with what we saw, it was more like platonic.

well hu knows whats going to happen, tptb could have tina somehow be rick's long lost sister, i mean it makes about as much sense as gsr.
csi has totally gone to shit, i thought TPTB were smart, but apparently not, apparently the whole thing of CSI has been to make a horrid incestuous love story that makes no sense, with the two main parties much better suited with basically everyone else in the cast.

I really believe that CSI has been ruined for me. Everything that it was is now cast in a new light - one that I can't/won't accept. The implications of the finale are so far-reaching that they not only change the future of CSI, they have changed the past.This is the nature of betrayal, whether it is betrayal by a lover, a friend, whatever. It means that what you believed was not true. It calls everything into question.

GSR IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!
U ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE GSR IS CANON. sCNICKERS SUCKS. THEY DON´T HAVE ANY CHEMISTRY!GSR IS THE BEST Age doesn't matter. please.. So if Grissom was 15 years older then Sara when she was 16 would he still have been age appropriate to date her because " Age does not matter " ?
I am so angry at the writers, producers, and who ever had the final say in this, for sending out the message to all victims of abuse that they are wrong for feeling violated because after all age should not matter, that I don't think I will be watching the show next year.

And a lots of fans from latinoamerica they will be sad about this final season cuz most all the CSI fans from latinoamerica are G/C shippers, like me.
Now this is a wake up call for the TPTB!!!!

In a nutshell: I could probably now watch CSI and not be at all disturbed by the alleged "romance" simply because of how bad Billy came off, and even how she came off in spite of her great effort to keep the interview from totally falling apart. Hawking a questionable product is never easy. I really wonder if he has a drinking problem, recalling the Bill Patrick interviews. Could anybody be that rude, crude and insolent without TIU (talking under the influence.)

CSI has lost all of it's credit. From the Caddiness to the incest relationship, but by far the thing that upsets me the most was your Comments Mr. Petersen about Grissom wanting to die from Cancer so he can say goodbye to those he loves. Let me tell you after seeing many people die from Cancer they much rather die of another death. They are so dopped up on pain meds and in so much pain and usually in a coma that they do not even know there loved ones are around, and when they do go for the most part loved ones are relieved as they are no longer watching the suffering. Is that what you really wnat for Grissom? Another reason to not watch season 7.

...Yeah. Season seven rolls on, and we get SpoilerGate, more wankity wank and the season seven finale gets shippers buzzing again. CSI will return next season. So will undoubtedly the wank. And Cam, Cam will be right there watching.


Babydoll
(or You Want to Send What Now to TPTB?!)

As witnessed by our tale above, CSI shippers can be a bit... Dedicated to their cause. Mostly this just means more smut to read. Sometimes though, it gets directed into convertion. Meet Babydoll. Babydoll ships Grissom/Sara - and Catherine/Nick. In fact, she ships Catherine/Nick a lot. Like a lot a lot. Like creating webpages called Nick and Cath - The Whole Truth! where she concludes that George Eads (who plays Nick) is in fact in love with Marg helgenberge (who plays Catherine). She's gathered this by watching the episodes, see. This has nothing to do with her Cath/Nick bias. Nooo. Perish the thought.

When the actors and one of the shorunners talk about Catherine and Warrick fancying each other, Babydoll gets a bit irate. So irate, in fact, she writes a 12-paged letter about the wrongness of Catherine/Warrick and the rightness of Catherine/Nick to Carol Mendelson, one of the showrunners.

An excerpt, for your enjoyment:
Down the Drain, some forced desperate attempt to put SOMETHING there, and I guess in Too Tough to Die there’s a slight amount of flirting, and in A Little Murder there’s contact, but not sexual at all! So what the hell was all the rest?! FRIENDSHIP DAMNIT! FRIENDSHIP! If you can’t see that then you must be blind from head to toe! I mean for crying out loud! In every single occasion, it’s one of them, looking out for the other! What does that tell you? I mean if you got a steamy relationship from THAT then there must be something wrong with you! You get friends from people looking out for each other, good friends, very good friends in fact! Sometimes even siblings. And for siblings to get together would just be plain gross! (I really couldn’t think of a more sophisticated way of putting that!) But it’s wrong! Call me old-fashioned, but I’m a Christian and I have my own standards, when I see a gay couple kiss, I cringe, I feel really wrong all over, it’s the same at the thought of brother and sister kissing, and it’s that feeling I get at the thought of Cath and Warrick getting intimate! You can’t honestly believe that these people are a match-made in heaven! No way! That’s wrong... it’s horrible… it’s flaming disgusting! I really can’t believe you’re actually considering going ahead with it! As a matter of honesty! It’s… it’s an abomination for starters! I’m telling you as the most loyal of all fans…. Die-hard fan as you seem to want to call me… don’t ruin the most loved crime show of all time by getting 2 people together, that no-one wants to be together!

Babydoll considers sending the letter laminated. So Carol could keep it as a treasure, one imagines. Sadly, Babydoll never sent her letter, so we're left to imagine Carol's reaction. Babydoll is still in fandom, Catherine and Nick are still not together, but no doubt it will happen any day now. Because:

I saw Boom and Overload yesterday, I realised how wrong her dating someone outside the cast is, and I know cath and nick will alwayz be the truth!
CATH AND NICK 2GEVA 4EVA ITS SO OBVIOUS!!!!!

Advanced reading: Babydoll's letter (Must be an YTDAW member to see.)
Best of Babydoll

Comments

[cincoflex.livejournal.com]

OMG. Woman, you have outdone yourself on this one--the only thing I regret is that you haven't done it all as a Powerpoint presentation, snort!

Tigers and incest and wank, oh My!

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

*is nearly in tears with laughter* Ah, Cam, thank you, thank you, thank you ever so. Truly you are a wonder, a shining beacon in amongst the bonkers and the asshats. *grins*

"(Why New Line would closet them and have Sir Ian McKellen be merrily out and gay wasn't always explained. Maybe New Line only closets the young and pretty.)"
*snerrrrk*

The Tinhats believe on. Movie three is released, and the Day of Truth doesn't happen. Dom and Elijah doesn't proclaim their twu wub to the world. But that's okay, they're staying in the closet so they won't hurt the Oscar chances of the movie. And then because... Umm... Oh, one of the is under contract with Disney. Disney has evil PR people good at locking closets. And then...
*ROFL* Ah, the batshittery never ceases to amaze.

And I loved the choices of the first one. *gifts you chocolate for the trauma, though* That sounds... horrible.

I remember some of the tale end of Hellfire when you were posting about it at the time. Yeah. VERY WTF with bells on and then some. One of those ones you can only stare at open-mouthed or squint at through your fingers.

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

And that would be 'tail end' not 'tale' *facepalm*

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Don't omit these MSTS of the rants of Link's Queen:

Rant
And is this any better?
Self Destruct Rant

marysues takes on My Inner Life.

And this from Fanhistory: Link's Queen.

[spockette.livejournal.com]

...wow.

That's some impressive batshit right there. I've just read the tale of VB, and good lord.

The wank is ASTOUNDING. I'd heard of Hellfire before, of course, but the rest are brand new to me. Good lord. Fandom is rather batshit sometimes, isn't it?

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh, and I forgot to ask, but have you seen this? I think you'd find it as hilarious as I. The News Quiz on Radio 4 were on the floor about it. XD It got the 'and finally' spot in my latest news-spam, just because it's too insane not to. *grins*

[falena]

Omg!

Batshit #1 is the funniest thign ever. And you were so brave and helpful. Aaaww.

Batshit #2 wins at delusional. The VB sub-story should be turned into a tv movie or a soap opera. Suddenly, HP fandom doesn't seem so special anymore.

Batshit #3 seriously is the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of.*is scarred for life*

Both CSI wanks, which I was already familiar with, almost seem like tiny blips in your wankdar, in comparison.

[maureenlycaon.livejournal.com]

Heh, heh, heh . . . oh, yes, I remember those first two. I'll remember 'em when I'm sitting in my rocking chair in the old slashers' home, boring my fellow inmates with tales from fandom. :-)

[stringertheory.livejournal.com]

*cackles*

Oh, how glad I am to have avoided and fandom craziness. I avoid it like the plague.

But your tales are hilarious. Preach on, sistah. Preach on.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'd be very afraid of what sort of illustrations I'de use on that, actually. Shudder.

[stringertheory.livejournal.com]

*facepalms*

Oh, the US military.

*sigh*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I saw that one a while ago. It was strongly mocked in the Norwegian news. Makes one wonder what other batshit plans the Pentagon has suggested.

MIL was horrid. Go read the whole thing and weep - weep! - at the horrid sex scenes.

Yeah, Hellfire was large WTF. I did feel sorry for her a while, actually. But the racism was really what made it snap for me. Just... No.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks. I'd forgotten AW did those MSTs, actually. Shouldn't have, since I helped with one. Ooops.

Have added some of the links.

[winterfox.livejournal.com]

I'm mildly disturbed at the fact that I'm familiar with two of these. D:

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I saw that one a while ago. It was strongly mocked in the Norwegian news
*snerk* Alan Coren on The News Quiz, after they'd all been mocking it hugely for several minutes, declared that it did, in comparison, make invading Iraq seem like a really good idea. *LOL*

Go read the whole thing and weep - weep! - at the horrid sex scenes
*cowers* Do... do I have to, Miss? *whimper*

But the racism was really what made it snap for me. Just... No.
I'm amazed you lasted as long as you did. Tower of Virtue and Patience you is, Cam. *nods*

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

Oh, indeed. One of the more batshit stories I've read in a while, it has to be said.

[boz4pm.livejournal.com]

Tiger ones!

(Naturally) ;P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

The first time I read the tale of VB I had to sit still in a dark room for an hour afterwards, or my brain would have imploded.

Fandom can get smashingly batshit. And this doesn't even concern HP fandom, which is ripe with it.

This is why I run a Wankshelter bad. You need to drink for this sort of batshittery.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I always said HP fandom had the wank quanity, LotR fandom had the serious wank quality. I mean, very little can beat the tale of VB and the Tinhats together.

LQ I could at least kinda laugh at after. The Hellfire thing? Still scares my brain. ARGH.

[20thcenturyvole.livejournal.com]

Oh, God. I just spent an hour fluttering around the incest wank, getting more and more boggle-eyed and nauseated. Why do I do this to myself? Why?

On the other hand, the hideous Link Sue was chock full of lulz. Thank you very much.

[evilstorm.livejournal.com]

Holy shit you knew Link's Queen? She's (in)FAMOUS. AHAHA.

I remember Hellfire from when you were dealing with her. Now, after I've plowed through rather too many child abuse stories, I feel rather sorry for her. I do believe that she was capable of some level of consent at that age, and I don't feel biological ew, but the fact that it's cross-generation incest means that there will most likely be a power imbalance which in turn leads to emotionally fucked up relationships. I don't condone random sex with children, but I'm willing to acknowledge that sometimes the lines are greyer. I could almost feel kinda sorry for her, because I do not think that relationship has helped her mental and emotional health, which...is sorta abuse, in a more oblique kinda way. So whilst I definitely understand the burning desire to throw stfu bombs at her, I can also see it as her being...unbalanced due to abuse. Therapy A++.

[/tldr spiel]

Man, the CSI wank is amazing.

[natterfly.livejournal.com]

...Oh my word, Tinhats. And Hellfire.

Cam, you will be remembered in history as the Chronicler-General of WTF.

[ashiya.livejournal.com]

HELLO WANK.

You know, CSI wank is seriously nothing compared to the other stuff. Or at least our wank isn't as... well-publicized? Hrm. We're like the infant sibling compared to them. I'm running out of analogies.

But a giant 'OMGWTFBBQ DO NOT WANT' to LQ.

[cutting-rm-flr.livejournal.com]

Best. Crack. Ever.

[idreamedmusic.livejournal.com]

Awwww, Summer of 2006. Fond memories that.

The implications of the finale are so far-reaching that they not only change the future of CSI, they have changed the past.

*ponders this - head explodes*