misscam | Love and spam and 'shipping... (Reply)

beautyid and others are issueing a PPC Shipping Challenge and I've been paired up pitifully little. I feel so unloved. Come love me!

Also love the new page lay-out. It's been done by WeareSites, who has done all the other new lay-outs you may have noticed around my webpage of late. Oh, and if you missed any recent OFUM fanart, it's up at the fanart page. I have some more to add there, so you can check back for updates now and then.

Finally, the most amusing spam I've had all year.

DEAR Sauron,

Compliment of the season to you and your entire family,
I am writing this letter In confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help my family, and me
that God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly and you would never regret this. But may I first apologies for
The unsolicited Intrusion into your privacy. Well, I got your contact in your countries Directory in my search for honest person that will Assist me pass Through this impending oppression that might befall me And my family if Not checked.

I am a female 28 years old I like people who
Could be Caring, loving and home oriented above all sincere And honest to Be entrusted with this long-term relationship. And Again I like fraternity Of helpers`` that have the tenacity and will power to Not back-off or give
Up until ``you succeed `` especially in a case of
Where one is being Oppressed due to gender disparity. I would like to build up a solid foundation with that person that will be in the anals of my life and that of my family.

Well, my father died two months ago and left I and my very younger brother behind. He was a king, which our town
citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death. I was a Princess to him and the first born child that could take charge of his wealth after his death
as the most Senior more than eight years older than
my younger one, well because of the difficulties Our Mother had before she started giving birth again infact my Brother was considered a miraculous child. More over couple with the fact that my mother is not too literate
increased my responsibility in the family I'm now seen
as the engine that runs the family.

As a matter of fact,my dad deposited the sum of US$16.5Million dollars in with ONE SECURITY FIRM. This money was annually paid into my late fathers account before he transfered it to the Security Company from Shell Petroleum Development Company(SPDC)and Chevron Oil
Company operating in our locality for the compensation
of youth and community development in our jurisdiction.

Just recently there has been attempts by my fathers
kindred members who feels that they can oppress me because of not only their greediness but also as a female that I'm. But that God who has granted me wisdom in my approach with them. Like they say is good to make hess while the sun shines I agreed with my Family (My Mother and my Youger Brother) to Transfer this Sum out of the Securty Company and posibly Invest it abroad too before the knowlegde of those greedy Fellows.

It is against this background that I'm contacting
you in confidence that you will assist me in tranfering this Money out of the Security Company and posibly advice me on how best to invest it in your country. I'm confident that you are going to assist me so that no one will take over what rightly belonds to my father and our family too, as they are planig to do so. Besides, I still leave some
portion of blame to Our Culture that do not also have respect for Women.

Now,i urgently need your humble assistance to transfer this money into your releable custody thats Bank Account, That is
why I felt happy when I saw your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will
help me invest this money wisely. I have concluded
with my Lawyer to pay you 20% of the total amount for your sincere assistance and maybe after the investment 10% interest of Annual Income for handling this business for us cos we might make one of the Stake Holders.

Please If your going to be sincere in handling this
project and again help me in lifting this fund out of the Security ompany, kindly get bacK to me as soon as posible so
that I could link you to my Lawyer for the necessary
Legal Documentations that covers the money and further
discussions. Please, note that this transaction is 100% risk free and I hope to commence the transaction as quick as possible

Please don't forget that as soon as the transfer is
Completed I will Send my Lawyer or Travel down myself for Investment. At this junction I will need 1) YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS 2) DIRECT PHONE & FAX NO. for easy communication

NOTE, pls reply to only this mail:badmos_funmilayo@hotmail.com

yours faithfully,

PRINCESS FUNMILAYO BADMOS.

I wonder how the heck this person managed to link Sauron's name with my e-mail addy. And then I am so sorely, sorely tempted to write a reply back, Sauron-style.

ETA:

Dear PRINCESS FUNMILAYO BADMOS,

how dare you e-mail me so impudently without any proper offering or curtsey? I am the Dark Lord and ruler of Mordor, you snivelling trout of a female! You will bow to me or I shall have my Nazgûl crush you and feed your bones to the wargs. And how dare you suggest I am honest and will not oppress? There is not an honest colour in my entire eyeball, you slime of a toad's bottom. I am famed for my painful oppression! Did you not read the entry in the Mordor directory? "Sauron, Dark Lord, Fallen Maia of Dishonest and Oppressing Nature. Contact through MouthofSauron@BlackGate.org"? Reading is a natural requirement for any minion of mine, least I have a repeat of the very embaressing Bree/Brie incident. Morgoth could not stop laughing for a full century. Learn to read (and spell! And how to use proper grammar! Evil has its standards, you know) at once before I have Shelob have you for a lunch kebab, you illiterate ignoramus. And why have you not at once slaughtered your father's killer and take over the country in a brutal coup? Honestly, evil these days. You have no style, no grace, no sense of revenge or standards. No wonder you seek my help, you pitiful sap.

However, I shall forgive you these mistakes in light of your feeble mortal brain, your lovely gender (I am gender equality personified, as I oppress males and females equally painfully) and your money, as I need a new tower after Barad-dûr collapsed due to an unfortunate structural flaw which had nothing to do with cute hobbits ruining my planned world dominion *at all*. Of course, I assume your offering of 20% was in jest (I enjoy a good joke, ask the Witch-King of Angmar), as surely you meant 99%. I am THE Dark Lord and you should bow for the mere honour of me wanting your money.

Your lawyer may contact my... Business associate at Morgoth@ValarVoid.org. I am sure Morgoth will be able to come to an "understanding" with your lawyer and torture him until he reveals where the money is located. And do not think you can escape me, I can see you in my palantîr.

Gimme!

Looking forward to a fruitful cooperation wherein I get all the fruit,

Sauron,
Merciless Maia
Disembodied Dark Lord

Fax: 1-3-7-9

Adress: Dark Lord Sauron
Ruins of Barad-dûr Tower
Mordor
Middle-earth
Arda

ETA 2: My... ahem... 'shipping of Kaltia (by demand). Behold the terror that is me badfic writing. I feel so dirty for having written that. *weeps*