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misscamNew chapter of When the Dead Awaken is up.
For more cheerful reading...
Cunning Plans Gone Awry a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen), Part Four
*****
Laurel Whitney was sleeping, ignoring the fact that it was past time
to wake up. She had stayed up late, and really, she deserved the
sleep and the hot, hot dream about Craig Parker she was having.
Mmmm.
"Don't drool in your sleep," said a sharp voice and she felt the
dream slip away and the room come into view. It was as she had left
it when she had closed her eyes at night, except that a woman was
going through her bookshelves.
"Eh?" she muttered, shaking her head. The woman didn't vanish. In
fact, a moment later she pulled out `The Encyclopedia of Mammals' and
walked out without another word.
This couldn't be right.
Hurridly, she threw something on and peeked out the door.
"Here you go, Radagast. This will help you understand the animals of
this world. We need their help if we are to fix this mess. The humans
aren't going to be any help. Too busy convinicing themselves they're
delusional while trying to jump their delusions at the same time."
"Yes, Miss Cam," Radagast replied, accepting the book with a look of
bliss on his face.
A moment later they both walked off, Radagast to a giant eagle, Miss
Cam vanishing into the shadows (though how she managed to do that in
blazing sunlight was another matter). And in the distance, mad cries
of "love me, hot Elfie-Elf" could be heard.
For a moment, Laurel merely stood there, trying to wake her brain up.
Then she gave up and went back to bed. When life was as crazy as
dreams, she might as well stay dreaming.
At least there she had Craig Parker and Radagast didn't steal books
of her.
******
Sir Ian McKellen had great plans for enjoying a quiet evening at home
and maybe ogle some hot men some. No worries, no mad partying. He
bought food to make an excellent evening meal and some wine to make
the food even more excellent. All had been planned and prepared.
And as things must go, the phone rang and promised interruption.
With a sigh, he picked it up. "Yes? Oh, Orlando. What? No, I am at
home. No… No, I am not dressed up as Gandalf and visiting you in LA.
Yes, I am sure. You're going where? Hello? Hello?"
The line went dead and he stared at the phone, perlexed. Had fame
made young Orlando snap? Perhaps Viggo would know, he'd been to visit
just a week before.
"Viggo? Ian here. Oh, you're Aragon. Viggo, isn't it time you let go
of being `in character' with Aragorn, the movies finished… Oh, you're
actually Aragorn. Aha. Just stopped by to teach Viggo proper public
speaking, you say? Ah. Well… Good... Um… Luck."
He tried to hang up, but missed and the reciever was left dangling.
This was going from bad to worse. Now Viggo seemed to have gone
mental as well. Who should he call? Peter?
Just as he put back the reciever, the phone rang again, and cursing,
he answered.
"Yes?! … No, Billy, I do not think you and Pippin should get a tattoo
together. Yes. Ye-es. Yes. Yes, I understand that, but… Merry and Dom
already have? Ah."
The hope of a quiet night at home was fading fast, he realised and
made himself a drink as Billy rambled drunkenly on.
******
It had been a good singing practice, Leonora thought as she walked
home under the blazing Australian sun, humming somewhat. She felt
warm and pleased and life was good. The birds were singing, the
possums were sleeping and Éowyn was apparently giving David Wenham a
lecture…
She did a double-take and nearly tripped over the wombat.
"You're too good-looking!" Éowyn was saying. "And so the girls keep
lusting over my man and stare at Faramir with the same exact
expression as that gaping hormone-brain over there."
Leonora snapped her mouth shut so hard it throbbed in her jaw. David
Wenham seemed to be rather lost for words at the moment, not that she
blamed him. His various acting jobs in Australia had probably never
prepared him to be confronted by the wife of a fictional character he
had played.
Unless this was Miranda Otto who had dressed up and was having fun
with him. That had to be it! Éowyn didn't exist, after all. Neither
did Ents, who were just crossing the street and…
Leonora did another double-take and felt her neck groan in protest.
"Are you sure this is a good place to start looking for the Entwives,
Quickbeam?" one Ent said to the other.
"Yes. I believe Miss Meg lives in a place called `Canberra' of
Australia and I have heard her complain to Miss Cam about `parks'.
This is where Ents and threes of this world dwells."
"Did she not also mention a Dark Lord of this `Canberra'?" asked the
other, who looked doubtful, if Leonora understood his barky
expression right.
"A `Howard'," Quickbeam said and made a sound in the back of his
sap. "Perhaps the Entwives need Ents in shining bark to help free
them from this Dark Lord."
This seemed to excite them both, for they both started hoom'ing and
marched on with great strides, leaving Leonora and her aching neck to
stare at the horizon until Éowyn gave her a strict talking-to about
the stupidity of slack-jawed gaping and gave her a sticker
with `Middle-earth Married Men Stays Married, Says the White Lady of
Rohan.'
It was going to be a bright and wonderful day in Australia and the
Ents marched on Canberra.
(To be continued...)
For more cheerful reading...
Cunning Plans Gone Awry a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen), Part Four
*****
Laurel Whitney was sleeping, ignoring the fact that it was past time
to wake up. She had stayed up late, and really, she deserved the
sleep and the hot, hot dream about Craig Parker she was having.
Mmmm.
"Don't drool in your sleep," said a sharp voice and she felt the
dream slip away and the room come into view. It was as she had left
it when she had closed her eyes at night, except that a woman was
going through her bookshelves.
"Eh?" she muttered, shaking her head. The woman didn't vanish. In
fact, a moment later she pulled out `The Encyclopedia of Mammals' and
walked out without another word.
This couldn't be right.
Hurridly, she threw something on and peeked out the door.
"Here you go, Radagast. This will help you understand the animals of
this world. We need their help if we are to fix this mess. The humans
aren't going to be any help. Too busy convinicing themselves they're
delusional while trying to jump their delusions at the same time."
"Yes, Miss Cam," Radagast replied, accepting the book with a look of
bliss on his face.
A moment later they both walked off, Radagast to a giant eagle, Miss
Cam vanishing into the shadows (though how she managed to do that in
blazing sunlight was another matter). And in the distance, mad cries
of "love me, hot Elfie-Elf" could be heard.
For a moment, Laurel merely stood there, trying to wake her brain up.
Then she gave up and went back to bed. When life was as crazy as
dreams, she might as well stay dreaming.
At least there she had Craig Parker and Radagast didn't steal books
of her.
******
Sir Ian McKellen had great plans for enjoying a quiet evening at home
and maybe ogle some hot men some. No worries, no mad partying. He
bought food to make an excellent evening meal and some wine to make
the food even more excellent. All had been planned and prepared.
And as things must go, the phone rang and promised interruption.
With a sigh, he picked it up. "Yes? Oh, Orlando. What? No, I am at
home. No… No, I am not dressed up as Gandalf and visiting you in LA.
Yes, I am sure. You're going where? Hello? Hello?"
The line went dead and he stared at the phone, perlexed. Had fame
made young Orlando snap? Perhaps Viggo would know, he'd been to visit
just a week before.
"Viggo? Ian here. Oh, you're Aragon. Viggo, isn't it time you let go
of being `in character' with Aragorn, the movies finished… Oh, you're
actually Aragorn. Aha. Just stopped by to teach Viggo proper public
speaking, you say? Ah. Well… Good... Um… Luck."
He tried to hang up, but missed and the reciever was left dangling.
This was going from bad to worse. Now Viggo seemed to have gone
mental as well. Who should he call? Peter?
Just as he put back the reciever, the phone rang again, and cursing,
he answered.
"Yes?! … No, Billy, I do not think you and Pippin should get a tattoo
together. Yes. Ye-es. Yes. Yes, I understand that, but… Merry and Dom
already have? Ah."
The hope of a quiet night at home was fading fast, he realised and
made himself a drink as Billy rambled drunkenly on.
******
It had been a good singing practice, Leonora thought as she walked
home under the blazing Australian sun, humming somewhat. She felt
warm and pleased and life was good. The birds were singing, the
possums were sleeping and Éowyn was apparently giving David Wenham a
lecture…
She did a double-take and nearly tripped over the wombat.
"You're too good-looking!" Éowyn was saying. "And so the girls keep
lusting over my man and stare at Faramir with the same exact
expression as that gaping hormone-brain over there."
Leonora snapped her mouth shut so hard it throbbed in her jaw. David
Wenham seemed to be rather lost for words at the moment, not that she
blamed him. His various acting jobs in Australia had probably never
prepared him to be confronted by the wife of a fictional character he
had played.
Unless this was Miranda Otto who had dressed up and was having fun
with him. That had to be it! Éowyn didn't exist, after all. Neither
did Ents, who were just crossing the street and…
Leonora did another double-take and felt her neck groan in protest.
"Are you sure this is a good place to start looking for the Entwives,
Quickbeam?" one Ent said to the other.
"Yes. I believe Miss Meg lives in a place called `Canberra' of
Australia and I have heard her complain to Miss Cam about `parks'.
This is where Ents and threes of this world dwells."
"Did she not also mention a Dark Lord of this `Canberra'?" asked the
other, who looked doubtful, if Leonora understood his barky
expression right.
"A `Howard'," Quickbeam said and made a sound in the back of his
sap. "Perhaps the Entwives need Ents in shining bark to help free
them from this Dark Lord."
This seemed to excite them both, for they both started hoom'ing and
marched on with great strides, leaving Leonora and her aching neck to
stare at the horizon until Éowyn gave her a strict talking-to about
the stupidity of slack-jawed gaping and gave her a sticker
with `Middle-earth Married Men Stays Married, Says the White Lady of
Rohan.'
It was going to be a bright and wonderful day in Australia and the
Ents marched on Canberra.
(To be continued...)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-10 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-10 11:28 pm (UTC)Rohan." You ought to make a banner with that qoute!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-10 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-10 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 07:34 am (UTC)[thinks better of it]
She's right though. More!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 07:35 am (UTC)Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-11 09:01 am (UTC)My favourite bits:
"Leonora snapped her mouth shut so hard it throbbed in her jaw. David Wenham seemed to be rather lost for words at the moment, not that she blamed him. His various acting jobs in Australia had probably never prepared him to be confronted by the wife of a fictional character he had played."
He did a pretty good job as Diver Dan, though. Did you ever see Sea Change?
And also:
"Did she not also mention a Dark Lord of this `Canberra'?" asked the other, who looked doubtful, if Leonora understood his barky expression right.
"A `Howard'," Quickbeam said and made a sound in the back of his sap. "Perhaps the Entwives need Ents in shining bark to help free them from this Dark Lord."
So, so true. This is just brilliant. I know I'm going to get flamed and mini-balrog-ed for this, but
OMG OMG OMG THAT WAS SSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOS COOOOOOOOL U GOTTA WRITE MORE PLZ PLZ PLZ PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!1
LOL LOL LOL LOL I LOVE DA ELFIES!!!!!!!!! LEGOLAS IS MINE EHEHEHE
Ahem. I am sorry about the above remark. *Looks shameful* But I had to vent the fangirlishness that the brilliant, brilliant chapter enduced. It won't happen again. For a while.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 10:21 am (UTC)Ian being confused by Viggo, Orli and Billy! Tatooos!
"Dark lord of Canberra" Sunny's an Aussie, *sniggers some more at the thought of the ents marching on Canberra.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 04:22 pm (UTC)*bows down and worships the goddesss that is Miss Cam*
I do feel sorry for the poor actors for getting mixed up in this mess though.
Not that I'm complaining...
Date: 2004-10-11 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 01:07 am (UTC)*grin*
I'll get in touch with Bob Brown.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:19 am (UTC)Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-13 10:21 am (UTC)*smacks you for fangirling* Stop that.
Re: Not that I'm complaining...
Date: 2004-10-13 10:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 10:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-14 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-14 09:32 am (UTC)Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-17 06:30 am (UTC)Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-18 04:21 am (UTC)*smirks at Monty Python reference*
Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-19 09:14 am (UTC)Coincidence, or something more... sinister?
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 09:18 am (UTC)Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-20 05:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-20 05:30 am (UTC)Re: Viva la OFUM Chapter that Never Was (But did happen)
Date: 2004-10-20 10:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-20 10:22 am (UTC)Hey Miss Cam!
Date: 2004-10-28 12:52 pm (UTC)I'm the same Tamaris from the PPC. I recently got an LJ, and although I don't post very often, I'm trying to. I'm a huge fan of your OFUM series - may I say that the latest update has once again delighted - I'm a cat person (very proud of my smart-yet-kooky kitty, Maia) and a chocolate lover. I'm also very into Tolkien's books.
So, yeah, that's really all I have to say. Out of curiousity, is this chapter that I posted a comment on going to be updated to your OFUM sequel on ff.net anytime soon?
Re: Hey Miss Cam!
Date: 2004-10-29 05:54 am (UTC)