New Fangorn and a headache for poor Daisy
Jan. 12th, 2005 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamBet you thought I'd forgotten this special OFUM chapter, hmmm?
Missed a bit?
Parts 1-3
Part Four
Cunning Plans Gone Awry
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Five
David Wenham found it quite flattering to be looked up and down approvingly by Éowyn of Rohan, Middle-earth, he had to admit. But he wasn't also sure this meant he still had anything resembling sanity left.
"That is all we want," Faramir said cheerfully. "Just sign the legally binding document making it clear I, Faramir, Prince of Ithilien, am not you, David Wenham of New Fangorn, formerly Australia."
David nodded. He couldn't really do anything else. He didn't much trust his voice at the moment. And his ears still seemed to be ringing - though if it was from Éowyn's lecture or the march of the Ents was anyone's guess. Or maybe it was from the intense squee'ing of the girl - Kylie, had she sqee'ed her name was? - who had spotted Faramir and himself and tried to toss oil on them both.
Éowyn had not been amused. And she had even been outraged on David's behalf as well, which he appreciated. Or at least he thought he did. Too much information was trying to get prossessed in his mind and it hurt to think too much about what he thought of anything.
He rubbed his temples very slowly. Behind him, the TV blasted on.
"... And his Leafness Treebeard, Ruler of New Fangorn has decleared of his intention to awaken the rainforest of north Queensland, to great protests from former Prime Minister Howard. In other news, a police hunt for the kidnappers of Peter Jackson..."
*****
"Let's try this again," Miss Cam said very slowly.
"Okay," Denise and Sarah said together, equally slowly.
"You saw Aragorn..."
"Viggo-as-Aragorn!" Denise cut in. "Aragorn is not real. He's delicious Viggo slightly unkempt. Mmm, dirt!"
"Yes," Miss Cam said wearily. "Aragorn-as-Viggo. You saw him. And he had with him Boromir and the Gondorian army, the latter being who tied you up and hung you from this roadsign upside-down for attempting to make their King strip and go dirty, yes?"
"Yes," Sarah replied, trying to blow her hair out of her mouth as she swung in the wind. She wasn't doing too well, but Miss Cam wasn't really in the mood to help. Miss Cam wasn't really in the mood for anything, except perhaps severly maiming someone.
"This is so not good," she muttered darkly. "Boromir and Aragorn too? Are they all here?"
There was a loud bang.
"Nooooooo.... mini-Elijah, I loooooove yooooouuuuuu!"came and went a voice. Miss Cam didn't bother turning.
"Frodo!"
"Sorry, Miss Cam," the Hobbit said cheerfully. "The Ring wanted to toss her and she really shouldn't pinch my cheeks like I'm so cute doll."
"What are you doing here?"
"We're all here," Sam replied. He looked around at the hedgerows. "Bad gardners in this neighbourhood."
"Why are you all here?" Miss Cam asked, realising she didn't really want to know.
"It's a long story..."
And the sun continued to shine on over the quiet suburb while little Hal Plotkin landed with a rather painful 'thuuu-luuuuuuuvyouminiElijaaaaaaah-uuunk' in the next state. When the Ring tossed, it tossed.
*****
Mary was enjoying her beer and her quiet day at home. It was a good day, really. She'd unplugged the phone and had a warm bath. Her beer was cool, the show she was watching was cool, her sigarette was hot and several Elves had just appeared in her livingroom.
She swallowed her cigarette. It took a moment for her brain to register this and she spat it out, coughing wildly.
"Why do they always do that when they see me?" remarked one.
"Would you rather they fawn all over you like Legolas?"
"Yes. I could sing them my newest lament."
"Stop being so depressing, Maglor. Excuse me, coughing human? We're looking for France."
"Um, this is Romania," Mary managed to get out.
The seven huddled together, hurridly whispering in some foreign language and looking at something she assumed had to be a map. A moment later, they all stomped out, leaving her to stare at the cigarette still smoking slightly on her carpet.
It took her five whole minutes to realise they'd stolen the beer.
*****
Meanwhile, in New Zealand, Peter Jackson woke up in a sack and thought it was going to be a really, really bad day.
ETA: I'm a BNF?
Missed a bit?
Parts 1-3
Part Four
Cunning Plans Gone Awry
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Five
David Wenham found it quite flattering to be looked up and down approvingly by Éowyn of Rohan, Middle-earth, he had to admit. But he wasn't also sure this meant he still had anything resembling sanity left.
"That is all we want," Faramir said cheerfully. "Just sign the legally binding document making it clear I, Faramir, Prince of Ithilien, am not you, David Wenham of New Fangorn, formerly Australia."
David nodded. He couldn't really do anything else. He didn't much trust his voice at the moment. And his ears still seemed to be ringing - though if it was from Éowyn's lecture or the march of the Ents was anyone's guess. Or maybe it was from the intense squee'ing of the girl - Kylie, had she sqee'ed her name was? - who had spotted Faramir and himself and tried to toss oil on them both.
Éowyn had not been amused. And she had even been outraged on David's behalf as well, which he appreciated. Or at least he thought he did. Too much information was trying to get prossessed in his mind and it hurt to think too much about what he thought of anything.
He rubbed his temples very slowly. Behind him, the TV blasted on.
"... And his Leafness Treebeard, Ruler of New Fangorn has decleared of his intention to awaken the rainforest of north Queensland, to great protests from former Prime Minister Howard. In other news, a police hunt for the kidnappers of Peter Jackson..."
*****
"Let's try this again," Miss Cam said very slowly.
"Okay," Denise and Sarah said together, equally slowly.
"You saw Aragorn..."
"Viggo-as-Aragorn!" Denise cut in. "Aragorn is not real. He's delicious Viggo slightly unkempt. Mmm, dirt!"
"Yes," Miss Cam said wearily. "Aragorn-as-Viggo. You saw him. And he had with him Boromir and the Gondorian army, the latter being who tied you up and hung you from this roadsign upside-down for attempting to make their King strip and go dirty, yes?"
"Yes," Sarah replied, trying to blow her hair out of her mouth as she swung in the wind. She wasn't doing too well, but Miss Cam wasn't really in the mood to help. Miss Cam wasn't really in the mood for anything, except perhaps severly maiming someone.
"This is so not good," she muttered darkly. "Boromir and Aragorn too? Are they all here?"
There was a loud bang.
"Nooooooo.... mini-Elijah, I loooooove yooooouuuuuu!"came and went a voice. Miss Cam didn't bother turning.
"Frodo!"
"Sorry, Miss Cam," the Hobbit said cheerfully. "The Ring wanted to toss her and she really shouldn't pinch my cheeks like I'm so cute doll."
"What are you doing here?"
"We're all here," Sam replied. He looked around at the hedgerows. "Bad gardners in this neighbourhood."
"Why are you all here?" Miss Cam asked, realising she didn't really want to know.
"It's a long story..."
And the sun continued to shine on over the quiet suburb while little Hal Plotkin landed with a rather painful 'thuuu-luuuuuuuvyouminiElijaaaaaaah-uuunk' in the next state. When the Ring tossed, it tossed.
*****
Mary was enjoying her beer and her quiet day at home. It was a good day, really. She'd unplugged the phone and had a warm bath. Her beer was cool, the show she was watching was cool, her sigarette was hot and several Elves had just appeared in her livingroom.
She swallowed her cigarette. It took a moment for her brain to register this and she spat it out, coughing wildly.
"Why do they always do that when they see me?" remarked one.
"Would you rather they fawn all over you like Legolas?"
"Yes. I could sing them my newest lament."
"Stop being so depressing, Maglor. Excuse me, coughing human? We're looking for France."
"Um, this is Romania," Mary managed to get out.
The seven huddled together, hurridly whispering in some foreign language and looking at something she assumed had to be a map. A moment later, they all stomped out, leaving her to stare at the cigarette still smoking slightly on her carpet.
It took her five whole minutes to realise they'd stolen the beer.
*****
Meanwhile, in New Zealand, Peter Jackson woke up in a sack and thought it was going to be a really, really bad day.
ETA: I'm a BNF?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Did Feanor's sons just steal beer?
Date: 2005-01-12 05:00 am (UTC)Meh. I needed a good laugh. Thank you.
By the way, cigarette is spelt cigarette, not sigarette. Just a note.
And somebody tried to throw oil on Faramir with Eowyn there? What are they, insane? Don't answer that...
Are the Feanorians trying to recruit France to fight America-with-Dark-Lords-in-charge? *Cue ominous music.*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 05:29 am (UTC)Yay for the sons of Feanor!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 09:10 am (UTC)Too bad about ff.net's rules, this would be a welcome addition.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 09:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 11:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 03:03 pm (UTC)Poor earth... come to think of it, it might just be fair, no? ^_^!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 08:03 pm (UTC)I would say yes, but--then again, no. The very definition of BNF seems to include being Scarily Worshipped, and for the most part--your "followers" seem sane. *shrugs* I don't exactly see them raising money to buy you a new computer, so . . .
no subject
Date: 2005-01-12 11:25 pm (UTC)"MINISTER APPOINTED TO MILK MOVIE
Energy Minister Pete Hodgson has spent the past few weeks urging us to turn the lights off, now he is to become the Minister of Middle Earth. Mr Hodgson is to oversee how the $600 million film trilogy Lord of the Rings can be used to promote New Zealand. Trade and Tourism New Zealand and the Film Commission will work with Mr Hodgson to see how this country's profile can be raised internationally through the locally-made film. Tourism Minister Mark Burton will also be involved. Mr Hodgson's position is similar to the appointment of a Minister to oversee the America's Cup effort some years ago."
As a fanfic writer in New Zealand, I've always been terrified of what he might do to me. Seriously.
Re: Did Feanor's sons just steal beer?
Date: 2005-01-13 12:47 am (UTC)I guess lusting impulces sometimes even overruide one's survival instinct.
The Fëanorians may have certain ideas about what to do with France, yes.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:52 am (UTC)You're just a shameless Elf-lusting hussy, Miss Twonk.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:55 am (UTC)I obviously still have much to learn.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 12:56 am (UTC)Hello Mr. Hodgson...
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 01:27 am (UTC)Now I've got Rocky horror in my head. Faramir in shiny gold pants and Eowyn should kill me now.
*slaps down fangirl in self*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 02:56 am (UTC)Poor Eowyn is going to have to go on quite some rampage to strike us all down.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 03:13 am (UTC)It's not my fault that i'd do almost anything for a man who's *that* yummy...
no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 03:27 am (UTC)But it's a shared flaw, don't worry. *pats*