The Mystery of the Flamer (Aka Cam Thinks Herself Sherlock Holmes)

[misscam]

So Camilla woke up one morning and read some e-mails and chatted a bit, when she noticed to her great excitement she at last had her first flame on ff.net. Through all the years there, Cam had yet to get a proper flame and her amusement was great.

The Flame

However, she was slightly sad, for the flame seemed poor and Cam has her standards, after all, low as they may be. She likes her flames pretty and shiny and with correct spelling. But still, it was a flame. Now she was a proper fanfiction writer. At last she could proclaim with pride that she too, had been flamed.

But feeling odd about this Cam poked about the ff.net LotR section a bit and discovered many other stories have recieved the same flame. (Random examples here, here & here) Now Cam was truly sad. A serial troll. No real flame after all. She was still lost in the wilderness.

But though the excitement was lost, Cam's curiosity was piqued and so she went to see if "sephiroth7" was a real person - and so it was. Sephiroth7 had a bio. And Cam looked around. For she wondered why, if "sephiroth7" wanted all to see his/her stories and be no coward, hadn't just simply left all his/her reviews signed in, not anon with his/her name. And she saw that someone liked flaming Sephiroth7 on several stories (example) and using a similar style of writing without commas and capitalization. And she thought about this for a while, for lo!, her brain was slow so early in the morning.

And then she peeked at this flamer's bio and read the line "get you back for what you have done to me in the past" and the mystery seemed to her as clear as fogged windows in autumn (it was still early in the morning). And Cam was amused and excited again, for lo!, now she could now proudly declared she had been used as a pawn in a wank-fest that did not even involve her. Now she was a proper citizen of the Net.

And then she had toast and milk for breakfast and decided she probably needed to get a life.

ETA: Happy birtthday, jocelyncs

Comments

[siraj.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Figured you'd end up with a moron 'flaming' you...

*sighs* stupid people and their flamewars...

[shandydann]

Hmm, does make you think of handbags at dawn.

*wants to do icon wirh Draco/Harry, Draco/Ron, Snape/Sirius or even Morgoth/Sauron.*

*creative juices flowing*

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

*gasps in wonder*

You got that thing, too? I posted a story as a brthday present yesterday and was rewarded with the same flame by the same user. Some people should really better start knitting, shouldn't they?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I know. So sad... *wails a bit* A crappy serial troll hoping to stir up shit is my first flame. Not even really directed at me. Wah and wah.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You're sick.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You too? Man, that flamer was a busy bee. And why did we not get a sticker with "I survived the serial flame wanker '05"? I'm bummed, I am.

Aw.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Can I point out the peak/pique thing? Can I can I can I?

Excuse me.

*thwap*

"May I, may I, may I?"

(That's better.)

Re: Aw.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*smacks with a trout*

NO! Bad boy, baaaaad!

(Ahem.)

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

And I am highly amused now.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I ssee, the flamer made someone's day, totally not what he/she intended. Poor unsucessul serial flame wanker.

[siraj.livejournal.com]

*pat pat* there there, you'll get a real flamer someday...

[git-the-goddess.livejournal.com]

I can flame you if you *really* want!

I'm happy to help.

[shandydann]

Well its more with the handbags at dawn thing in terms of fighting.

Need to find handbag picture.

Does the Das Boot icon not indicate how sick I am?

[sliven.livejournal.com]

Aaaw, not even a proper flame? How sad. I don't think I've ever really been flamed... *ponders*

[mademoisellenon.livejournal.com]

You must be so proud! Congratulations. I'll throw you a flame party. The links don't seem to work though... :( I so wanted to see this troll too. Oh well!

[dragonlet.livejournal.com]

You don't need a life--You have us!

...that's not much comfort, is it?

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

*claps* excellent story. Mystery solved all nicely in the end.

It somehow makes life better when you know that there are much sadder people out there, who have so little to do in their lives that these sort of flame-y wankfests look good to them.

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

That's the worst marketing strategy I've ever seen. Poor idiot flamer, and poorer you, that you got stuck with it.

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

*hands Cam a sticker reading, "Proper Citizen of the 'Net"*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Only subtly hints at it, really.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Sniff, sniff. You're most kind to offer, but a flame for fun is just not as fulfilling, though usually with better spelling.

I guess one can't have both.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Stick around long enough on the Net and you will be. At least, so they say. Wah.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Because ff.net is scuwy. But they seem to work now.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Nope.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Only slightly.

What saddens me is that apparently some people did buy it and flamed little Sephiroth7.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes, pity me. Feel my wangst.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Aaaaw, thank you.

[shandydann]

I shall have to try harder ;)

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

Oh, sad. If I were Sephiroth7, I'd post a grammar-perfect disclaimer in my bio.

[hydrangea777.livejournal.com]

Aww, I want to be a pawn in an unrelated wankfest, too!

i am using my real username so don't think i am a pussy .

*snicker* Meow.

wow do you suck you are the worst writer i have ever seen if you come read my stories you
would like them alot better than this piece of shit.

Ah, don't you love flames that are this idiotic? It's like the flame I once received from a Suethor whose work I critiqued-

"so u don liek my story??? if u don like my story then frickin read it!!!!!"

Seriously, spelling mistakes and everything. ^_~ What would the fan fiction world do without them?

(Hi. I'm Hydrangea. I'm not sure if you know me, but I'm from GAFF as well. Is it all right if I friend you? And while I'm off-topic, I read OFUM and absolutely adored it. ^_^)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Sure, friend away. You don't really have to ask - this is an open sort of LJ anyway.

*goggles at review* Seriously, do people think before they post these things? I guess not, otehrwise we wouldn't have as much to snigger at over at GAFF.

[agentmaly.livejournal.com]

Hmm, does make you think of handbags at dawn.

... I think I love you.

[shirebound]

Thank you so much for posting this, especially since I just received the same flame.

*preens at the honor of being flamed alongside Camilla Sandman*

*hugs*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh. An honour you share with just about everyone who posted that day on ff.net, I think. Aren't we the lucky ones to be chosen?

Idiocy knows no bounds, truly. But at least now you know it was nothing personal against you, just some idiot trying to stir up trouble.

(BTW, I did e-mail Sephiroth7, and he was very sorry for any pain the flames had caused because some idiot tried to get back at him.)

[shandydann]

Theres plenty of love to go around, I even have the handbag pictures picked out.