Cunning Plans Gone Awry, p.6
Jan. 20th, 2005 01:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamI'll be putting all the parts up on my website later today. This little bit will also sort of tie into the next OFUM chapter, which is now almost done.
Part Six
"I'm going to kill them," Miss Cam said again, making Frodo wince. "After I kill King Thranduil. Or maybe Morgoth first. And Denethor. What was he thinking, kidnapping Peter Jackson? Do they want my brain to explode? I should just kill them all."
"There, there," Sam muttered vaguely, watching something he'd never thought he'd see. The course co-ordinator for OFUM hitting her head repeatedly against a tree and mutering foul Norwegian curses. He almost felt sorry for her.
"Okay," she finally said brightly and lifted her head. "I will head back to OFUM and pick up some students to help because I can't throttle everyone at once alone. You two will stay right here and not go looking for Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, a fridge or a pub. You hear me?"
The two Hobbits just nodded.
"Okay. I'm going now. You stay."
With one last headsmack against the tree, Miss Cam reached into one of her leather boots and flicked out the portal-opner. A moment later, she was gone, leaving the two hobbits to whistle innocently for a few more seconds.
"So when were we meeting Elijah and Sean in that pub?" Frodo asked, trying to make sense of the weird 'digital watch' he had gotten from a fan named Flare, who thought he was Elijah shrunk in the wash and felt sorry for him.
"In an hour."
"Thank you, Sam. We better go then."
And then there was only the empty street and one very, very annoyed tree nursing a headache.
*****
The doorbell rang merrily and Miranda Otto found herself wanting to throw something very hard at it. She'd been enjoying the peace and quiet and a good book and she had no desire to give up either. Still, the ringing persisted, and with a sigh, she got up.
"Yes?!" she exclaimed and slammed the door open to see David Wenham give her a weak wave. "Daisy, what are you..."
She paused. Also giving a merry wave was Faramir and Éowyn, for surely neither she nor David had clones who enjoyed dressing up as Lord of the Rings characters. Though perhaps that was a more likely scenario.
"I guess you didn't watch the news today either," David said calmly. "Australia is Australia no longer and King Théoden was wondering if he could let his horse loose in your backyard while he recruits Bernard to plan a practical joke on Viggo."
She lifted her glance and saw the horse and its rider, one grinning at her and other one eating her hedges.
"Come in," she said weakly, then leaned towards David. "We can go to theraphy together afterwards."
*****
The cell phone rang.
"Yes?"
"Christopher?" a weak voice said on the other end.
"Peter. You don't need to call me every day to apologise for cutting me out of the theatrical release of Return of the King. I will not kill you in your sleep if you forget to one day, I promise."
"Help."
"Help?"
"I've been kidnapped. Treebeard knocked me out. Help."
Christopher Lee sighed deeply. "Peter, we have talked about this before. They are not real just because you filmed them."
"Help. Saruman and Denethor were chasing me. Now I am in a sack. It's dark. Help."
The line went dead. A moment later the phone ran again.
"Peter, I think it is time to seek some help."
"It's Ian. Chris, have you... Gotten any weird calls today?"
"Funny you should ask..."
*****
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Merry?"
"Yes! We will drive our friends Billy and Dom to one of their homes and let them sleep and raid the fridge."
"But we don't know how to drive."
"It cannot be that hard to learn, Pippin. Trust me. Just push that metal thing there with the stick and I will turn the key."
A loud snore from the backseat and two sleeping actors were quickly overwhelmed by the roar of the engine as the car started and moved.
"Wheeeeee!"
Two seconds later they hit the first other car.
ETA: Update on the wanky flamer - I e-mailed the author whose penname was used and he did confirm what I'd been thinking. Go me.
Part Six
"I'm going to kill them," Miss Cam said again, making Frodo wince. "After I kill King Thranduil. Or maybe Morgoth first. And Denethor. What was he thinking, kidnapping Peter Jackson? Do they want my brain to explode? I should just kill them all."
"There, there," Sam muttered vaguely, watching something he'd never thought he'd see. The course co-ordinator for OFUM hitting her head repeatedly against a tree and mutering foul Norwegian curses. He almost felt sorry for her.
"Okay," she finally said brightly and lifted her head. "I will head back to OFUM and pick up some students to help because I can't throttle everyone at once alone. You two will stay right here and not go looking for Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, a fridge or a pub. You hear me?"
The two Hobbits just nodded.
"Okay. I'm going now. You stay."
With one last headsmack against the tree, Miss Cam reached into one of her leather boots and flicked out the portal-opner. A moment later, she was gone, leaving the two hobbits to whistle innocently for a few more seconds.
"So when were we meeting Elijah and Sean in that pub?" Frodo asked, trying to make sense of the weird 'digital watch' he had gotten from a fan named Flare, who thought he was Elijah shrunk in the wash and felt sorry for him.
"In an hour."
"Thank you, Sam. We better go then."
And then there was only the empty street and one very, very annoyed tree nursing a headache.
*****
The doorbell rang merrily and Miranda Otto found herself wanting to throw something very hard at it. She'd been enjoying the peace and quiet and a good book and she had no desire to give up either. Still, the ringing persisted, and with a sigh, she got up.
"Yes?!" she exclaimed and slammed the door open to see David Wenham give her a weak wave. "Daisy, what are you..."
She paused. Also giving a merry wave was Faramir and Éowyn, for surely neither she nor David had clones who enjoyed dressing up as Lord of the Rings characters. Though perhaps that was a more likely scenario.
"I guess you didn't watch the news today either," David said calmly. "Australia is Australia no longer and King Théoden was wondering if he could let his horse loose in your backyard while he recruits Bernard to plan a practical joke on Viggo."
She lifted her glance and saw the horse and its rider, one grinning at her and other one eating her hedges.
"Come in," she said weakly, then leaned towards David. "We can go to theraphy together afterwards."
*****
The cell phone rang.
"Yes?"
"Christopher?" a weak voice said on the other end.
"Peter. You don't need to call me every day to apologise for cutting me out of the theatrical release of Return of the King. I will not kill you in your sleep if you forget to one day, I promise."
"Help."
"Help?"
"I've been kidnapped. Treebeard knocked me out. Help."
Christopher Lee sighed deeply. "Peter, we have talked about this before. They are not real just because you filmed them."
"Help. Saruman and Denethor were chasing me. Now I am in a sack. It's dark. Help."
The line went dead. A moment later the phone ran again.
"Peter, I think it is time to seek some help."
"It's Ian. Chris, have you... Gotten any weird calls today?"
"Funny you should ask..."
*****
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Merry?"
"Yes! We will drive our friends Billy and Dom to one of their homes and let them sleep and raid the fridge."
"But we don't know how to drive."
"It cannot be that hard to learn, Pippin. Trust me. Just push that metal thing there with the stick and I will turn the key."
A loud snore from the backseat and two sleeping actors were quickly overwhelmed by the roar of the engine as the car started and moved.
"Wheeeeee!"
Two seconds later they hit the first other car.
ETA: Update on the wanky flamer - I e-mailed the author whose penname was used and he did confirm what I'd been thinking. Go me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 05:35 am (UTC)I'm just expecting a very confused Brad Dourif getting a call from Saruman... ^_^!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 07:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 08:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 11:55 am (UTC)Hobbits! Sean! Elijah! Pub! Wacky hijinks to follow! (?)
David and Miranda in therapy!
Chris and Ian getting weird phonecalls!
MUAHAHAHAA!! *falls off chair in laughter* Owie. (You know your writing is good when you hear about people falling off their chairs in laughter.)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 07:11 pm (UTC)*thinks* Actually, with me as the author - it won't.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 09:11 pm (UTC)Haha! Merry and Pippin driving - that would be interesting. Can they even reach the pedals?
David and Miranda are taking their... encounters pretty well (but they're Aussies, and so am I. Maybe it's the heat that does it) But where did Daisy come from?
RIP Christopher Lee.
Are any Uruk-hai or orcs going to go looking for the actors that played them?
And referring to your icon: if Australia is now your property, I'd much appreciate it if you'd step in as permanent PM after Mr. Howard is, ahem, accidentally assassinated.
Oh, I forgot Treebeard is now ruler of New Fangorn, silly me. Never mind.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 10:44 pm (UTC)Um, why RIP Christopher Lee?
The Orcs and Uruk-hai are busying in the Senate and House of Representatives in the US, alas.
;) You lucky New Fangorian, you.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 04:53 am (UTC)Theoden and Bernard playing a pratical joke on Viggo. *snorts* *giggles*
Food, booze and hobbits.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 10:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-21 06:26 pm (UTC)And everybody else's, for that matter...
If the orcs and Uruk-hai are in the parliament in the US, does that mean they'll have to run for each of their states?