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Jan. 24th, 2005 04:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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elvenpiratelady in this entry below, an OFUM part.
Cunning Plans Gone Awry
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Seven
The world seemed to have gone insane, Araelia thought and yawned as she flicked through the news. But who cared? She still had some lusting to do and no world crisis would interfer with that. Only question was if she should go for Orlando or David. Hmm. Choices, choices.
Both, she decided, and flicked on her DVD. Return of the King, baby. On full volume.
A moment later, her TV had been hit by an arrow and a car stood in her living rom, gleaming red.
"Oh no, not again," moaned a girl in the front seat. "I'm so sorry, whenever he sees or hears Orlando Bloom as Legolas he goes slightly insane. I'm Kelly. Just... Um... Bill the TV repairs to Mirkwood, or something."
Araelia wasn't really listening. She was eyeing the blond Elf in the driving seat, who was marking something on a notepad.
"Woah... Dude, forget Figwit! You know... You look rather familiar... Are you related to Faramir, by any chance?" Araelia asked excitedly and ogled.
The Elf gave her a Look. It could easiest be described as the look as Steve Irwin would give a crocodile. There was definitely the threat of being jumped, tied up and dumped into the river in there.
"Eep," Araelia muttered and ducked behind her couch. She had some survival instincts.
"Drool not," said the Elf and the engine roared. When Araelia looked up again, they were gone and she wondered just how she was going to explain the car shaped hole in the wall and an arrow in the TV to her parents.
Only one excuse would do, she realised.
Aliens.
*****
Dorinda was nursing a headache and trying very, very hard to actually think about maths. Granted, normally, she'd be thrilled not to have to think about maths, but she had discovered something more painful for her brain.
Like the existence of Lord Elrond next to her, inspecting yet another pair of sun glasses. She knew he was Lord Elrond, because he had given her a lovely little business card with "Judge Elrond, Court of Canon Grievances" and then demanded he help her find just the right pair of sun glasses from her collection. For what, she wasn't sure, but she had some dark suspicions.
"Mr. Weaving, I presume," Lord Elrond said, posing slightly. "Yes, these are the glasses. Thank you, child. Remember nine. Now, which way to Australia?"
"Um, down a bit?" Dorinda offered. "It's a big island with kangaroos. If you hit ice, you've gone too far."
"Thank you," Lord Elrond said with a smile. "And you've made a mistake in your algebra. Tata."
She watched him leave and decided never to complain about maths being a pain ever again.
In the background, her TV droned on. "And tonight at nine, we report live from debates in the UN where earlier today chair throwing broke out when Morgoth, High Deliciousness of Morgothistan, insulted the size of Fëanor's jewels..."
*****
Orlando Bloom was beginning to really rethink the wisdom of getting into a car with Gandalf and Legolas. Nevermind that they were fictional characters, they were fictional characters who seemed to have slight problems with the whole concept of driving a car.
"Maybe I should try," Legolas offered and got an icy cold stare in return.
"Who is the wizard in this group? Hmm? Who is the Maia sent by the Valar to guide and help?"
"I don't think the Valar realised driving would be included."
"I can drive," Orlando offered. Neither seemed to pay him any heed.
"You think you could do much better? No respect, Elves these days."
"I was just saying..."
"You asked for my help. I could have been getting Ian McKellen addicted to pipe weed right now, but you asked me to help and I came."
Legolas merely rolled his eyes and gave Orlando a look. To his shock, Orlando found himself nodding. Oh dear. He was bonding with his hallucinations.
"I know how to do this," Gandalf went on. "But why bother?"
He took his staff, pointed it at the car and muttered a few words under his breath. Orlando was sure one of them was "stupid Elf". A second later, the car was racing along.
"See, I can drive."
Neither Legolas nor Orlando bothered to argue the point and the car sped merrily away, glimmering white as it went. Which wouldn't had been so odd, hadn't the car originally been blue.
*****
Kate was beginning to wonder if perhaps getting in the car had not been such a good idea.
The Hobbits had pulled over as she had been walking home, asking her for directions and to her great joy, she had found Dominic sleeping in the back seat (and that Billy dude, but that was secondary). And sure, she had assured the Hobbits, courtesy of a starmap, she did know where Dom lived. And so she'd been allowed to hop on and guide.
But from there on it had gone downhill. Whenever she tried to touch Dom, Merry smacked her with a paddle. And she'd lost count of all the times they'd nearly been turned to gravy by trailers or other cars. That wasn't quite how she'd imagined getting close to Dom.
Whimpering, she closed her eyes as they bumped into another SUV.
"Why do all these cars get in our way?" Pippin asked. He sounded amused. Kate really wanted to tell him it was probably because they'd put rocks on the gas pedal and had no concept of stopping, but she was too busy trying to teer her teeth off her tongue.
And in the distance, another car zig-zag impressively over both lanes as King Thranduil came screeching into Los Angeles.
elvenpiratelady in this entry below, an OFUM part. Cunning Plans Gone Awry
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Seven
The world seemed to have gone insane, Araelia thought and yawned as she flicked through the news. But who cared? She still had some lusting to do and no world crisis would interfer with that. Only question was if she should go for Orlando or David. Hmm. Choices, choices.
Both, she decided, and flicked on her DVD. Return of the King, baby. On full volume.
A moment later, her TV had been hit by an arrow and a car stood in her living rom, gleaming red.
"Oh no, not again," moaned a girl in the front seat. "I'm so sorry, whenever he sees or hears Orlando Bloom as Legolas he goes slightly insane. I'm Kelly. Just... Um... Bill the TV repairs to Mirkwood, or something."
Araelia wasn't really listening. She was eyeing the blond Elf in the driving seat, who was marking something on a notepad.
"Woah... Dude, forget Figwit! You know... You look rather familiar... Are you related to Faramir, by any chance?" Araelia asked excitedly and ogled.
The Elf gave her a Look. It could easiest be described as the look as Steve Irwin would give a crocodile. There was definitely the threat of being jumped, tied up and dumped into the river in there.
"Eep," Araelia muttered and ducked behind her couch. She had some survival instincts.
"Drool not," said the Elf and the engine roared. When Araelia looked up again, they were gone and she wondered just how she was going to explain the car shaped hole in the wall and an arrow in the TV to her parents.
Only one excuse would do, she realised.
Aliens.
*****
Dorinda was nursing a headache and trying very, very hard to actually think about maths. Granted, normally, she'd be thrilled not to have to think about maths, but she had discovered something more painful for her brain.
Like the existence of Lord Elrond next to her, inspecting yet another pair of sun glasses. She knew he was Lord Elrond, because he had given her a lovely little business card with "Judge Elrond, Court of Canon Grievances" and then demanded he help her find just the right pair of sun glasses from her collection. For what, she wasn't sure, but she had some dark suspicions.
"Mr. Weaving, I presume," Lord Elrond said, posing slightly. "Yes, these are the glasses. Thank you, child. Remember nine. Now, which way to Australia?"
"Um, down a bit?" Dorinda offered. "It's a big island with kangaroos. If you hit ice, you've gone too far."
"Thank you," Lord Elrond said with a smile. "And you've made a mistake in your algebra. Tata."
She watched him leave and decided never to complain about maths being a pain ever again.
In the background, her TV droned on. "And tonight at nine, we report live from debates in the UN where earlier today chair throwing broke out when Morgoth, High Deliciousness of Morgothistan, insulted the size of Fëanor's jewels..."
*****
Orlando Bloom was beginning to really rethink the wisdom of getting into a car with Gandalf and Legolas. Nevermind that they were fictional characters, they were fictional characters who seemed to have slight problems with the whole concept of driving a car.
"Maybe I should try," Legolas offered and got an icy cold stare in return.
"Who is the wizard in this group? Hmm? Who is the Maia sent by the Valar to guide and help?"
"I don't think the Valar realised driving would be included."
"I can drive," Orlando offered. Neither seemed to pay him any heed.
"You think you could do much better? No respect, Elves these days."
"I was just saying..."
"You asked for my help. I could have been getting Ian McKellen addicted to pipe weed right now, but you asked me to help and I came."
Legolas merely rolled his eyes and gave Orlando a look. To his shock, Orlando found himself nodding. Oh dear. He was bonding with his hallucinations.
"I know how to do this," Gandalf went on. "But why bother?"
He took his staff, pointed it at the car and muttered a few words under his breath. Orlando was sure one of them was "stupid Elf". A second later, the car was racing along.
"See, I can drive."
Neither Legolas nor Orlando bothered to argue the point and the car sped merrily away, glimmering white as it went. Which wouldn't had been so odd, hadn't the car originally been blue.
*****
Kate was beginning to wonder if perhaps getting in the car had not been such a good idea.
The Hobbits had pulled over as she had been walking home, asking her for directions and to her great joy, she had found Dominic sleeping in the back seat (and that Billy dude, but that was secondary). And sure, she had assured the Hobbits, courtesy of a starmap, she did know where Dom lived. And so she'd been allowed to hop on and guide.
But from there on it had gone downhill. Whenever she tried to touch Dom, Merry smacked her with a paddle. And she'd lost count of all the times they'd nearly been turned to gravy by trailers or other cars. That wasn't quite how she'd imagined getting close to Dom.
Whimpering, she closed her eyes as they bumped into another SUV.
"Why do all these cars get in our way?" Pippin asked. He sounded amused. Kate really wanted to tell him it was probably because they'd put rocks on the gas pedal and had no concept of stopping, but she was too busy trying to teer her teeth off her tongue.
And in the distance, another car zig-zag impressively over both lanes as King Thranduil came screeching into Los Angeles.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 08:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 08:40 am (UTC)Poor Hugo. Then again, he and Elrond should really get along quite well. ^_^
Muahahaha!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 08:43 am (UTC):p
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 10:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 10:33 am (UTC)Brilliant!
Date: 2005-01-24 02:38 pm (UTC)Yay Elrond teaching maths! I could really use that, because maths isn't my strong point. Or science. Or anything that relies vaguely on logic.
And I luuuurrrrvvvvve your new layout. It is bee-yoo-tiful.
Enough mispellings for one comment. Thanks again for the chapter! (And updating so fast - it makes me very ashamed of my own updating standards.)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 02:43 pm (UTC)Re: Brilliant!
Date: 2005-01-25 12:23 am (UTC)As for what will happen... You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?
And yes, the layout's great.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 01:30 am (UTC)*giggles*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 01:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 04:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 07:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 12:39 pm (UTC)OMG...
This is chaotic. Very amusingly so. Can't wait for more hilarious craziness to happen! ^_^!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:34 pm (UTC)You will have to wait a little while, though.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-25 02:53 pm (UTC)