Memes and WTF-Reviews

[misscam]

Look at the last ten posts in your LJ (including this one if you want) and try to sum the main body up in a relevant title. List them, and see how often you talk about the same thing:

Sixty years since end of WW2, what it brought us
My first LJ polls
Bah on character bashing, various news and a meme
Webcam shots, news, British election, headdesking review
GAFF, Kingdom of Heaven, The Poster Who Shall Not Be Named
Hobble shots, news, badfic meme
News, ff.net complaining, rabid shippers
Cam's bro on CSI, news, ff.net complaints, songfic meme
Ff.net says songfics are no-no, Cam is displeased
CSI fanfic, facts of sexlife, meme

Hmmm. There's a lot of links to newsstories, usually from BBC. Fanfiction in various forms and relations comes up a fair bit and there's some fandom stuff and memes. Not that much about me and my life, really. I'm a dull little Norwegian.

I was sorting through some old mails earlier and seeing what reviews from OFUM2 I had saved, and I found what has to be the 'worst' review OFUM2 got. And by 'worst' I mean mindblowingly WTF.

The following review has been submitted to:
Once More Into the Urple Depths of OFUM Chapter: 38
From: .o0 chibi 0o.()
konnichiwa! you should rite a sequal! taht is so KEWL!! U GOTTA FINISH DIS! LEGOLAS IS MINE --.o0 chibi 0o

Yes, quite. There are some reviews that just make you tilt your head and wonder which rabbithole they came from. There are some reviews that miss the point by so much they're practically in the stratosphere. There are some reviews that abuse grammar and spelling so you wonder if the person submitting can read at all. And there are some reviews that seem so pointless they're like littered broken arrows. It does make one wonder if some people review just to look at their own words.

Which got me thinking - what is the 'worst' review you could invent giving me? Pick any fanfic of mine and submit your review here. Whoever manages the most level of WTF can get a drabble or vignette request of me or something.

(Yes, I'm feeling slightly down. I need cheering up. Spank me, Warrick.)

Comments

[perhatikan.livejournal.com]

*sends Warrick for a striptease and lapdance to make Cam happy*


Review for Day dawning:

U iZ da bombh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUt everybody knows Krisholm iz Warhickzz biatch! CHange Sahrrah's part to Werrhicky's and YU RulE tha UNiverse...grishoklm//Wirrwack roeles XDXDXD (Who is that Catharine?)
btw, Greggie-pooh is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!<3<3

Baibai, Loneley GWEGwubber

(can't believe I wrote that...)

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

Most level of WTF, eh?

. . . this I can attempt.
The following review has been submitted to:
Once More Into the Urple Depths of OFUM Chapter: 38
From: misscamissokawaai ()
OMG! i totally luv ur story...omg, miss cam is so kawaai, you should liek totally rite a storey about her only, her adn teh headmaster shuld totally hav a 4-way w/gimli and his gf. u could post it on aff.net and wed all red it. omg! totally do it!
lol, btw, ARAGORN IS MINE!!!!!!1

. . . I fear my inner fangirl, sometimes. o.o

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

Did you see that sporking at Deleterius with the WTF review to end all WTF reviews? In the spirit of that, the following may be submitted to your CSI fic:

Why does Eru have so many song metaphors? Did you not realize that all of the Valar are his children, and yet they marry through harmonizing? I cannot carry a tune, but that doesn't stop the infedels from weding their cousins.

There are other references to incest throughout the Silmarillion: Nienna and Turin, thanks to Morgoth's spells, and Pharazon and Tar-Miriel, despite Numenorean law which prevented first cousins from marrying?

In conclusion, Tom Bombadil is the Witch-King. Bow down, bitches.

And that's still not quite the proper level of What teh Fuckery...

Another review for Raven's Song:

OMG I luv Gimli & Leggy-Poo lol!!! bUt slash is grwoss@ EWW1!! lol!! Leggy-chan b-longs to me orla quien of teh Sparklies!!! U ought 2 rite about me2!1!!


The muse responsible for these reviews has been sacked. They do not in any way, shape, or form reflect the views and tastes of B2WM or her characters.

[starra-cat.livejournal.com]

OFUM (the original)

From: leggyschibigrrrl
OMG!I lUv so lEggY-kInns; LeGgi R mInneEE! Go)d $ GiMiee n gF! mOre leGgy-b0o 4 mE!1!!!!1 U r hott. beRy co0L if u: me. lEggi; elvron nad daRfman hav3 fun. wAnt /// now. RiNg me. lollolololollololOLOlololol0l!!1!!1!


***

I can't believe I just did that. You rock by the way. Always. No, you can't have my phone number. I'll just call Warrick for you. *whistles*

[unendingreverie.livejournal.com]

lyke omg kam u r soooo meen 2 me! its not fare dat teh konventienal ovens of do0m want 2 eet me! but reely this iz a terrabel storie.

wuz u on krak wen u writted dis cos i think u wuz gettin hi on tree frogz kthnx!11!!1!!

lily iz rele gross mayb u shuld rite bouts her gettin a secks change end shaggin remis loopin in teh owlery end warrik browne ken walk in and join dem! omg teh kewlies!

but dis storie suxx man!

Left on Kaleidoscope.

[agentmaly.livejournal.com]

Let's see.. *rubs hands together*

For the original OFUM..

Destroying pupper strings to our souls.

It's a lot like moldy French cheese.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

For OFUM:

So um like was this supposed to be funny? It seems a bit cruel to me. Aren't you like picking on those people who write those sorts of stories? Don't you care like um you're hurting their feelings. I mean like they work really hard on their stories and just because they're not as good as you doesn't give you the right to make fun of them like that. They're probably trying really really hard. And then you go a head and write something like that that ruins their self esteem and desire to write. That's not really nice, is it? I hope you feel really guilty for what you've done. In fact I think you should write an apology to them and say that you'll never do it again.

[sliven.livejournal.com]

Teehee, I certainly see old Tom Bombadil in a different light now... ^_^!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Ow. I think I'm blind.

*regains sight for Warrick's striptease*

Now that's more like it!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Tolkien and Miss Cam? *Now* there's some WTF-level to be proud of.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*bows down*

I've had reviews for Raven's Song telling me slash is gross, actually. *shakes head*

"Story not found" - so I couldn't read the full review. Waaah.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I don't speak gibberish. Or Vorlon, whatever the heck that was. :P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You were supposed to leave them here and not on the stories, though. Don't want to have a whole load of troll reviews, after all.

Ah well. Bonus points for random CSI mention there.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Now you've made me hungry.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You know, I've always expected to get a review like that and yet, I never have. Hmmm.

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

^__^ Well now you have. How does it make you feel?

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I do try.

[unendingreverie.livejournal.com]

Ah, sorry about that. But I've never left a real troll review on ff.net... I couldn't resist. ;]

[starra-cat.livejournal.com]

Did I create a new language?