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misscamBeen reading the badfic entries - ye Gods. They're so gloriously bad, all of them. How can I chose? They're all so... so.... evil.
I have picked a few already I have to choose. (Including some hidious slash, putrid songfic and blatant Sues). Oh dear. This will be a long chapter.
A little taste (first draft, yet to be proof-read and finalised):
“I have summoned you here to answer a grave threat,” Miss Cam said, and Lina clutched her small axe (a gift from Gloin), trying to look deadly and ready to face threats. It wasn’t an easy pose. “Lord Elrond has fallen into shadow.”
“Bugga,” Lord Elrond said, his voice monotone and eyes distant. Celebrían gave him a small pat, her eyes determined and hard. She had apparently raided the Rivendell armoury, and carried knives as well as Elrond’s sword.
Vikki, Lord Elrond’s Bailiff, could be heard distantly sobbing into her handkerchief. Some were taking the loss of Elrond’s court judgements harder than others (although some students had been known to throw a party to celebrate, but sadly got insanely drunk. Asuka and Midnight Enchanter had been caught dancing on Lord Elrond’s bench – and promptly discovered High King Gil-galad handed out even worse sentences than Elrond for contempt of court).
“We think it is a combination of Possession Sue and shell shock. We’ve been unable to reverse it. The option I suggest is radical, but may be our only chance. You must talk Lord Elrond into the deep chasms of fanfic, show him the worst crimes against Canon that you can stomach. If our luck holds, his anger will boil over and sanity will be restored.”
“Poor Elrond,” Lina muttered, clutching Gimli’s hand harder. She hoped such a fate would never come to him. How would she handle it?
“You eight have been chosen for your skill, your slight less appeal to hormones and your willingness to subject yourself to far greater evils than this world has ever seen. I now ask you – will you walk into fire and bad characterisation? Are you willing to face the most twisted version of you, your friends and your world to return sanity to Lord Elrond?”
“I will,” Thranduil said gravely. “You will not object to slight… Shall we say… Corrections, were I to see a very grave misinterpretation of my son in action?”
“Collateral damage,” Miss Cam replied. “Not that I or the Headmaster are encouraging it in any way at all. I’d bring more arrows, though, Your Majesty. More really sharp arrows. Laced with poison.”
“I will,” Denethor said. “I come for Gondor and the glory of the Stewards, to stand against the shadow of Hormone Inflicted World of Lust and Screwed Canon.”
“I will,” Bilbo said, stepping forward. “For Elrond, as kind as summer. I stand for the Shire and my lad Frodo. Silly fangirls. He is not a weeping lily. I would never adopt a weeping lily.”
“I will,” Gimli said, stepping up to Bilbo. “I am very eager to meet Grumpy, my distant cousin who so often gets mistaken for me.”
“I will,” Lina added. She gave Gimli a smile. “I know the minds of fanfic writers and I’m not letting him go there alone.”
“I will,” Turin Turambar said, patting his sword. “Silly Sues of Arrda think they know misery? I will show them misery.”
“I will,” Radagast the Brown said. “I have always wanted to study these beasts named Sue in their natural habitat. Do they wander in herds of prefer the solitary life in their marked territory?”
“I will,” Celebrían said. “I speak for my husband also. We will go. We must.”
“Pretty concrete of Imladris,” Elrond muttered. “All the way to the sky…”
I have picked a few already I have to choose. (Including some hidious slash, putrid songfic and blatant Sues). Oh dear. This will be a long chapter.
A little taste (first draft, yet to be proof-read and finalised):
“I have summoned you here to answer a grave threat,” Miss Cam said, and Lina clutched her small axe (a gift from Gloin), trying to look deadly and ready to face threats. It wasn’t an easy pose. “Lord Elrond has fallen into shadow.”
“Bugga,” Lord Elrond said, his voice monotone and eyes distant. Celebrían gave him a small pat, her eyes determined and hard. She had apparently raided the Rivendell armoury, and carried knives as well as Elrond’s sword.
Vikki, Lord Elrond’s Bailiff, could be heard distantly sobbing into her handkerchief. Some were taking the loss of Elrond’s court judgements harder than others (although some students had been known to throw a party to celebrate, but sadly got insanely drunk. Asuka and Midnight Enchanter had been caught dancing on Lord Elrond’s bench – and promptly discovered High King Gil-galad handed out even worse sentences than Elrond for contempt of court).
“We think it is a combination of Possession Sue and shell shock. We’ve been unable to reverse it. The option I suggest is radical, but may be our only chance. You must talk Lord Elrond into the deep chasms of fanfic, show him the worst crimes against Canon that you can stomach. If our luck holds, his anger will boil over and sanity will be restored.”
“Poor Elrond,” Lina muttered, clutching Gimli’s hand harder. She hoped such a fate would never come to him. How would she handle it?
“You eight have been chosen for your skill, your slight less appeal to hormones and your willingness to subject yourself to far greater evils than this world has ever seen. I now ask you – will you walk into fire and bad characterisation? Are you willing to face the most twisted version of you, your friends and your world to return sanity to Lord Elrond?”
“I will,” Thranduil said gravely. “You will not object to slight… Shall we say… Corrections, were I to see a very grave misinterpretation of my son in action?”
“Collateral damage,” Miss Cam replied. “Not that I or the Headmaster are encouraging it in any way at all. I’d bring more arrows, though, Your Majesty. More really sharp arrows. Laced with poison.”
“I will,” Denethor said. “I come for Gondor and the glory of the Stewards, to stand against the shadow of Hormone Inflicted World of Lust and Screwed Canon.”
“I will,” Bilbo said, stepping forward. “For Elrond, as kind as summer. I stand for the Shire and my lad Frodo. Silly fangirls. He is not a weeping lily. I would never adopt a weeping lily.”
“I will,” Gimli said, stepping up to Bilbo. “I am very eager to meet Grumpy, my distant cousin who so often gets mistaken for me.”
“I will,” Lina added. She gave Gimli a smile. “I know the minds of fanfic writers and I’m not letting him go there alone.”
“I will,” Turin Turambar said, patting his sword. “Silly Sues of Arrda think they know misery? I will show them misery.”
“I will,” Radagast the Brown said. “I have always wanted to study these beasts named Sue in their natural habitat. Do they wander in herds of prefer the solitary life in their marked territory?”
“I will,” Celebrían said. “I speak for my husband also. We will go. We must.”
“Pretty concrete of Imladris,” Elrond muttered. “All the way to the sky…”
