The Great Anon Meme

[misscam]

Comment to this post anonymously.

Tell me a secret. Tell me a joke. Tell me something you've always wanted to tell me, but never would. Hit on me. Mock. Post pictures. Have a party. Be naughty. Be prim.

IP logging is off for a while. I won't see who you are, unless you give yourself away.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up, frowns, and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

~

How many humorless Conservatives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Look here, young person, I'm disgusted you used the word 'screw' in a sentence, especially in conjunctification with the word lightbulb. Can't we have good, moral lightbulbs anymore? Or maybe with your liberal bias, you can't see a lightbulb without screwing it. Sick freak.

[(Anonymous)]

I take codeine because it gives me a good high. I take 45 mg a day, three times a week. I am very mean when coming down.
:)

[(Anonymous)]

I have homemade soup, and it is too cold. I should really microwave it, but I don't want to get up.

I'm hungry.

[(Anonymous)]

I joke about it, but really, I am a fucking drunk.

I also fantasize about leaving my partner more than I fantasize about us having sex.

One of my favorite jokes is as follows:
Q: What did the priest say to the new altar boy?
A: Huh, I haven't come across your face before.

I'm pretty sure I am going to hell. And I don't care.

[(Anonymous)]

I once convinced my doctor to give me a larger prescription of painkillers than I needed after a surgery and I abused painkillers for the next six months even though I wasn't actually in any pain even two days after the surgery.

[(Anonymous)]

I keep a stash of valium and a bottle of tequila in my bottom clothes drawer. I think the only reason that I'm not an addict is because I still live at home.

I worry what will happen to me once I get out on my own.

[(Anonymous)]

Q:How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:Let's go ride a bike!

Also, you made me discover the Eurovision song contest. As a non-european, I thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

[(Anonymous)]

Why are so many of the comments about drug abuse? That's.. bizarre.. and considering the percentage of the small amount of comments so far..

Photo Spam!

[(Anonymous)]

A place I miss:



A place I could stand to visit now:



A little friend:

[(Anonymous)]

Two of them are by one person (me).

[(Anonymous)]

I eat hands.

Yes, I really do.

No I don't.

Well, maybe.

I'm joking, seriously!

Am I?

Okay, I have nothing else interesting to say, unless you want to watch me continue to argue with myself.

[(Anonymous)]

This thing is fucking bogus. Why the hell do I have to go to these great lengths to prove I'm not a spam robot?

LiveJournal is going to the dogs. Also, to Six Apart.

[(Anonymous)]

Just as an FYI - 15% of people will abuse alcohol during their lifetime. Another 7% will abuse a hard drug (heroin, cocaine, LSD, ecstacy) during their lifetime. That's more than 1 in 5 overall. And this is just talking addiction, not recreational use. At any given time, there's an estimated 6 million regular every-day cocaine users in the US. Yes, it's scary and it's scarier still that people don't think that it's all that common.

A small examination of your morals.

[(Anonymous)]

It is in extreme situations that we usually recognize our weaknesses. You have to answer this question truthfully.

You're a photo-reporter for AFP (or whichever other photo agency). You're in Washington, in the middle of a wave of terrorist attacks, looking for good shots. Suddenly, you notice a man, running for his life. It is George W. Bush. You can actually save him. But you can also take THE shot of the century: a world leader's brutal assassination.

Based on your ethical and moral principles, on human solidarity and fraternity, answer the next question truthfully.

Color or black and white film?

Calling all Anonymoose!

[(Anonymous)]

Go with colour, surely. One can always drain the colour later, but the perfect shadings of the innards? 'Tis priceless.

So, this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what's up with that and he replies, "Arrr, 'tis drivin' me nuts!"

Sercretly, I've always had the urge to TypE lIeK tHIS.

mq3qubs somehow confrims my humanity. I thought it made me a moose.

[(Anonymous)]

It's actually pretty hard for me to post anything anonymously, since I always have this lingering doubt that someone will recognize some little quirk I've got with my writing and raise the alarm, and then I'll look stupid and cowardly for having tried to be anoynmous.

Once, I tried to post anonymously on some other website I'd been away from for several months, and I got recognized by half the population there despite all the time that had passed. It was like people could smell me through the internet or something. They were happy to see me, honestly, but boy did I feel awkward after that.

[(Anonymous)]

So, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Fred Phelps die and go to heaven. An angel meets them at the gates and says, "all right guys, have a good time. There's just one rule here--Don't step on a duck" So the men, very excited, head off to explore paradise.

A week later, Bush and Phelps are sitting around, discussing religion and TEH EVOL that is homosexuality, because, Paradise or no, they're still idiots, when Clinton walks up, handcuffed to the ugliest woman you ever saw--looks kind of like a ferengi. Naturally, Bush and Phelps are in shock, and ask, "Bill, What happened?" To which Clinton replies, "I stepped on a duck."

Another week goes by, and Clinton, still handcuffed to Quark's sister, is chatting with Phelps about the women who refuse to go out with them. Suddenly, the Shrub walks up, handcuffed to the ugliest woman imaginable--bears considerable resemblence to Chewbacca. Phelps and Clinton turn and ask, "Hey, Dubya, What happened?" To which Bush replies, "I stepped on a duck."

Another week goes by, and Clinton and Bush are having a friendly discussion on politics and bemoaning their sorry fates, when who should wander by but Fred Phelps, handcuffed to the most beautiful woman you ever saw--looks like she could have stepped straight out of a pinup poster. Naturally, Bush and Clinton ask, "Fred, What on earth happened?!?!" To which the woman replies, with tears in her eyes--"I stepped on a duck."

[(Anonymous)]

My dad was a pathological liar, we had to find that 'little problem' out after his death. Everybody else did know but never warned us, strangely enough they blamed us for it. I'm still fighting depression, and worse, today.

[(Anonymous)]

Fun! We should do this more often...

A rather long election joke:

George Bush's advisor says to him "Here's a question to make you seem intelligent so you can win the election:

My parents have five children. I have two brothers and two sisters. Who is the other child?"

Bush goes off to mull over this, and in his wanderings he meets Bill Clinton. He says, "Bill, I'm trying to work out the answer to this question. My parents have five children. I have two brothers and two sisters. Who is the other child?"

Bill says "That would be me." Bush beams and goes off happily.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the White House, one of Kerry's advisors says to him, "We'll show that you're smart by asking you to answer this question so you can win the election. My parents have five children. I have two brothers and two sisters. Who is the other child?"

Kerry ponders this, and during a diplomatic trip to Britain he says to Tony Blair, "Tony, I'm trying to answer this question. My parents have five children. I have two brothers and two sisters. Who is the other child?"

Tony says "That would be me." Kerry smiles and goes away.

Finally, on the day of the big publicity stunt, the advisor says, "Mr Bush, Mr Kerry, can you answer this question for us? My parents have five children. I have two brothers and two sisters. Who is the other child?"

Quoth Bush, with utter confidence, "Bill Clinton."

"No you idiot, it's Tony Blair!"

[(Anonymous)]

After all these confessions of psychical illnesses and drug abuse to Cam-the-joke.-recipient-and-agony-aunt, it feels almost funny to say that I think I'm an Internet-addict (in the not-joking sense of the word). Of course, me posting that on LJ is a bit counter-productive, isn't it? Ah, life's little ironies.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm listening to Razorlight - Golden Touch, which is about the only song I like by them.

Well, that wasn't something you would have wanted to know but ok.

Oh, I also get up early in the morning and then go online on weekends. I never really have lie-ins. I'm an early bird. Also, a very sad person.

[(Anonymous)]

(I'm posting this from a public place and don't know why but all the LJ instructions are in Cyrillic alphabet..hope I'm really posting anonymously anyway...)

I've suffered from severe depression twice in my life and I've being diagnosed a condition close to manic depression.

Never told this anyone before except my family.

[(Anonymous)]

I think my brother is bipolar. He's too stubborn to see a doctor about it though. I feel like I should care more, but I don't.

I also feel like people aren't being honest to my face. Like they fake liking me more than they do. Online and in real life. In fact, besides my closest friends and family, I'm never really sure if ANYONE likes me. Including you. I worry that everyone just keeps me around to avoid hurting me.

I get really jealous when my friends are better friends with each other than with me.

I worry that my polyamorous heart will eventually destroy the beautiful relationship I am in now. I pray that I'm strong enough to keep from cheating. I've done it before, and I hate it.

I don't want to see a doctor about my depression because I'm afraid he'll tell me it's not as bad as I think.

I think that the only reason I'm happy with my childhood because my brother wants to believe it sucked. Because it kinda did. But it sucked worse for me, and yet he always whines about it. So I like it out of spite. Does that make sense?

I have goals in life. I'm a strong woman, who wants to do something with herself. But the truth is, when it really comes down to it, I would toss my goals out the window for a role as mother and housewife, as long as he can fully support me. I don't really want to work for a living. I just tell my feminist mother that so she won't degrade me for "completely undoing everything [she] worked so hard for", like she did when I told her I wanted to use the prefix "Miss".

And to end on a joke which I have been telling since I was seven, and have had to explain every time except twice:

Descartes walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Hey Renee, you want a beer?"

Descartes says, "I think not", and disappears.

[(Anonymous)]

Also, I just found out that you can sometimes skip the verification code if you preview your anon post first.

Although not when replying to a comment, apparently. Hm.