A little peek at OFUCSI
Jul. 1st, 2005 02:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamSpain AND Canada have both legalized gay marriage this week. Yay both, I say. Elsewhere, Bush has again held a speech while at the same time managing to say remarkable little and Tom Cruise seems to be batshit insane. *shakes head*
Now, being bored in the heat today, I wrote the first draft for the first chapter of 'The Official Fanfiction University of CSI'. Muhahaha. I am still searching for a co-writer, however.
Teasing!
”What did you win this trip for?” Nina asked after they had been driving for a while, feeling slightly annoyed she had to share her prize. No one had mentioned that.
”My great epic, ‘The Bugman and the Lady of Lace’,” Juliana replied, beaming slightly. “You?”
”Oh, ‘Bend It Like Grissom’,” Nina replied, trying to remember if she’d read this other fic. She thought she’d read every GSR story out there, but maybe she’d missed one. ”So how did you have Grissom and Sara first do it?”
”What? Ew! I had Sara try to break them up, of course, but true love prevailed.”
”What true love?”
”Grissom and Catherine, of course!”
Nina nearly lost her breath. An Enemy! A deluded Catherine and Grissom shipper! How could this be?
(...)
”Ah, I believe that is the last two,” he said, giving Nina and Juliana both a hard glare until they slinked down on available seats. “Welcome students! I am Conrad Ecklie, and you will call me Mister Ecklie and nothing else or I will give you homework from here to eternity, which incidentally is as long as it would take me to play matchmaker for Miss Sidle and Mister Grissom or send them on a holiday to Kuala Lumpur because they’ve worked so hard, poor things.”
He paused a moment, giving looking for a moment like he was trying to cough up a hairball.
”Now, I’m sure you’re all very confused about why you’re here. You are in fact here because you’ve written fanfiction. About me, about my lab, and some very questionable activities that makes me wonder if you think crime solving about solving the mystery of what underwear we all wear rather than actual crimes. And quite frankly, I feel sick reading it, especially all that wanton naked Grissomness you people stick everywhere. So you’re here to learn better.”
”There is better than naked Grissom?” a girl whispered next to Nina, and Nina fought the urge to nod enthusiastically.
Ecklie smiled thinly. ”Welcome, in fact, to the Official Fanfiction University of CSI, our glorious teaching facility. Our motto is ‘Learning Through Pain’ and trust me, we promise plenty of both. We have enrolment papers for you all to fill out, you will all be given a room and a roommate and tomorrow, Miss Cam will take you through the classes of your first semester as well as introduce your to our teaching staff. Of course, you probably know them already, since you write so much about them.”
(...)
”Are we just gonna watch this?” Greg remarked, tilting his head. “Not that I’m complaining, but is this the start to the semester we really want?”
”Yes,” Grissom said with conviction, thinking of the countless fanfics that had made him weep (like three angry babies dropped on their heads) after sleeping with Sara. “Yes, this is exactly the start we want.”
Vengeance could be sweet, but so could education.
He smiled.
It was time to teach a few lessons.
Now, being bored in the heat today, I wrote the first draft for the first chapter of 'The Official Fanfiction University of CSI'. Muhahaha. I am still searching for a co-writer, however.
Teasing!
”What did you win this trip for?” Nina asked after they had been driving for a while, feeling slightly annoyed she had to share her prize. No one had mentioned that.
”My great epic, ‘The Bugman and the Lady of Lace’,” Juliana replied, beaming slightly. “You?”
”Oh, ‘Bend It Like Grissom’,” Nina replied, trying to remember if she’d read this other fic. She thought she’d read every GSR story out there, but maybe she’d missed one. ”So how did you have Grissom and Sara first do it?”
”What? Ew! I had Sara try to break them up, of course, but true love prevailed.”
”What true love?”
”Grissom and Catherine, of course!”
Nina nearly lost her breath. An Enemy! A deluded Catherine and Grissom shipper! How could this be?
(...)
”Ah, I believe that is the last two,” he said, giving Nina and Juliana both a hard glare until they slinked down on available seats. “Welcome students! I am Conrad Ecklie, and you will call me Mister Ecklie and nothing else or I will give you homework from here to eternity, which incidentally is as long as it would take me to play matchmaker for Miss Sidle and Mister Grissom or send them on a holiday to Kuala Lumpur because they’ve worked so hard, poor things.”
He paused a moment, giving looking for a moment like he was trying to cough up a hairball.
”Now, I’m sure you’re all very confused about why you’re here. You are in fact here because you’ve written fanfiction. About me, about my lab, and some very questionable activities that makes me wonder if you think crime solving about solving the mystery of what underwear we all wear rather than actual crimes. And quite frankly, I feel sick reading it, especially all that wanton naked Grissomness you people stick everywhere. So you’re here to learn better.”
”There is better than naked Grissom?” a girl whispered next to Nina, and Nina fought the urge to nod enthusiastically.
Ecklie smiled thinly. ”Welcome, in fact, to the Official Fanfiction University of CSI, our glorious teaching facility. Our motto is ‘Learning Through Pain’ and trust me, we promise plenty of both. We have enrolment papers for you all to fill out, you will all be given a room and a roommate and tomorrow, Miss Cam will take you through the classes of your first semester as well as introduce your to our teaching staff. Of course, you probably know them already, since you write so much about them.”
(...)
”Are we just gonna watch this?” Greg remarked, tilting his head. “Not that I’m complaining, but is this the start to the semester we really want?”
”Yes,” Grissom said with conviction, thinking of the countless fanfics that had made him weep (like three angry babies dropped on their heads) after sleeping with Sara. “Yes, this is exactly the start we want.”
Vengeance could be sweet, but so could education.
He smiled.
It was time to teach a few lessons.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:33 pm (UTC)Ahhhhhh. The bliss of seeing a new bunch of badficcers getting kicked into next week.
*kicks back with a random alcoholic beverage, underageness be damned*
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:37 pm (UTC)Aaaah, good times, good times.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:41 pm (UTC)Unfortunately, my personal life has been rocky terrian lately, but if you need a pinch-hitting, brain-storming, wall to bounce things off of I am your girl. E-mail me anytime.
Ecklie MWA HA HA. When do we get to the magic sex juices? And chocolate colored orbs?
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:51 pm (UTC)I would volunteer but I don't trust myself. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:55 pm (UTC)Oh, the magic sex juices will surely be mentioned in the relationshipping class Doc Robbins will (probably) teach. As will what is not appropriate romantic songs for adults.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:28 pm (UTC)I am very, very sneaky ma'am.
Of course I am interested. Only I am unsure of my fangirl-wacking abilities. Of course, I'm watching CSI right now. :)
Speaking of fangirl-wacking: Will Robbins do autopsies on the dead fangirls?
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:33 pm (UTC)So, out of curiosity, how does OFUCSI fit into the canon of OFU in general? Is Miss Cam of OFUM taking a holiday? Or did she perhaps accidently eat of Gandalf's cooking and split in two? Or was she on vacation at HFA and borrowed a Time-Turner?
no subject
Date: 2005-06-30 06:39 pm (UTC)