Dear World and Cam For President

[misscam]

(I have a few drabbles to do still - I'll get to them, have no fear. Be patient, my dears.)

It's time for another "Dear World - Love, Cam", me thinks.

*****

Dear Bush,

having a bit of a bad time, are we? Just a wee bit? Don't make me pity you now, that would totally ruin this lovely soulnemesis relationship we've got going. I hate you, you don't know I exist but would hate me if you did, you grin smugly on television, I send Vibes O'Deep Repulsion at the TV, you say A, I say "B, B, B, you git!". It's all good.

Still deep hate,
Cam

P.S AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

****

Dear Howard,

so, now you want new stricter terror laws passed through the House and the Senate very, very fast because terror threats loom over Australia, but you can't tell just what kind of threats.

You been watching Emperor Palpatine on Star Wars again, haven't you?

Not so much love as a general "sod you",
Cam

****

Dear BBC,

deep love and offers of having your babies as always. You know I love you, O Bringer of news, excellent website, Pride&PrejudicetheColinFirth, Blackadder, Monty Python, excellent documentaries, Daleks and yes - Doctor Who now. Truly, you are my ideal mate, minus the fact that you as a television station don't actually have a penis.

Eternal love,
Cam

****

Dear Christopher Eccleston,

mmmm-mmmm. Also, when I take over the world, I'm going to pay you a fortune to gueststar in the special Doctor Who ep drakyndra and I have planned, wherein you will fight plastic-baby-Jesus-Autons naked, joined by an equally naked David Tennant.

Ogling love until then,
Cam

P.S An open spot in my harem has been reserved for you.

****

Dear Indiana lawmakers,

there's stupidity and there's that. Try a little sanity, will you?

Gender-neutral love,
Cam

P.S Dear Google, the irony of you displaying an ad for "The JESUS film - the free streaming movie of God's love" the first time I read that story is still oh so delicious.

*****

Dear Earth,

I realise you have good reason to be pissed and believe me, if someone was littering all over my backyard, I'd get mightily peeved too. But hurricans, earthquakes, tsunamis, all in one year? You don't really want to give the end-of-the-world-fundies even more material, do you? Trust me, they litter as bad as the rest of us.

Yours in understanding,
Cam

****

Dear football fan,
so, your teams lost. I know the feeling, oh, do I ever. But trying to burn down the police station is just a little excessive, don't you think? A little "football is everything", when honestly, we got skiing too, you know.

Shared sports love,
Cam

****

Dear (some) fellow Doctor Who fanfic writers,

I know I'm new to the fandom and like you, I really, really enjoy Nine and Rose and the hand!porn. And you like me like to speculate in fanfic and write about all the things that won't be onscreen. Sometimes with smut. And really, I don't blame you. What I do blame you for is the horrid grammar, the utter character pillaging of the Doctor and/or Rose, the inane plot, the lack of ability to hit "spell check" and not to mention smut that is not only impossble under the laws of biology, physics, gravity and time, but also makes me worry romance novels are the new sex ed.

In short - try not to suck, mmkay?

A little more love when there's a little more effort,
Cam

****

Dear IM idiot,

no, I don't want you. Now kindly fuck off because I'm not going to, online or otherwise.

Not the kind of love you want,
Cam

****

Dear babydoll,

as I pointed out to you in a PM, your country's name is spelt B-R-I-T-A-I-N. Not "Britian". And if someone has told you this before, why in the name of English haven't you fixed it already? Do you really want to misspell your own country in your profile of a messageboard with over 7,000 members, huh?

No love as long as the English language gets none,
Cam

P.S You're also slightly batshit insane. Have a good day then!

****

Dear GAFF outer,

grow a spine and get something for that air of pathetic repulsiveness, would you? You're making even my cat howl.

A trout in your face,
Cam

****

As ever, feel free to make a "Dear Cam..." reply.

adoralyna http://www.walkenforpres.com/ this amuses me
misscam heh. I'd set up a Camforpres if I could actually run, which I can't
adoralyna That would make a damn funny spoof site. Camilla for President. Maybe your troll will resurface someday and make it
misscam that would probably amuse me, heh. I can see my political platform already - "STFU, Stupidity. End to Gits. All shall love me and rejoice. BBC for the masses!"
adoralyna You'd need a good slogan
adoralyna Camilla for President- Because my country is better than yours
misscam Camilla 2008 - Because the Future is the Viking way
adoralyna Camilla 2008 - Because the one holding the trout should be the one doing the smacking
misscam Cam 2008 - the chlorine to your genepool

And finally, a meme nicked from honorh

Ask me what happens after any of my stories. (If you're feeling so inclined, anyway. You can find them all via the links heading on my layout here.)

Comments

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

Indiana lawmakers, I'd just like to see you try to prevent women from becoming pregnant. I recognize that you're trying to regulate medicine here, but it looks kinda like you're shutting out the atheists, too. And the widows. This is not a smart thing to do.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Since when did you have to be Christian to have babies? While I can agree that certain medical procedures should be regulated, regulating them by morality is something treated with care.

A lot of care.

[drakyndra.livejournal.com]

Hehe! See, I told you that Howard was inspired by Palpatine! My Theory Of Doom is just getting more and more evidence each day.

Now, if only I could arrange for someone to chuck him down a whopping great hole...

And I hold high hopes for our naked Doctor Who episode. *nods firmly*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes, I did get certain "Phantom Menace" flashbacks, I did.

Norway would, in a flash. We'd dig a great big hole and chuck him down a fjord somewhere. Below earth and water, he'd time to rethink a few things.

Quite. And the merchandise we'll sell in advance for all the drooling it will cause.

[binglexjells.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,
I ♥ you
Love,
Sammie

Hahaha, you have no idea how much your letters make me laugh. In particular, the Eccleston & babydoll ones. & Bush of course.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Hehehe. She still haven't changed it. I want to smack her with a British flag, I do.

Mmm, Eccleston...

[shandydann]

You been watching Emperor Palpatine on Star Wars again, haven't you?

*laughs*

But I like your idea for the special episode of Doctor Who.

[drakyndra.livejournal.com]

Wait until you hear the rest of the details we've worked out. (They involve blowing up the Whitehouse)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think the 'naked' bit will draw in a lot of viewers. But there is much more to it of course. I think it will be a smash hit. It'll be filled with goodness and blowing up of gits.

[iseeyoucam.livejournal.com]

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Bwhahaha.

Oh troll, I do wub you. *snags banner* Thank you.

I looking slightly disapproving of humanity in general on that pic. Which fits.

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

But hurricans, earthquakes, tsunamis, all in one year? You don't really want to give the end-of-the-world-fundies even more material, do you?

Hmm, I wonder if this year is really exceptionally bad in terms of disaster, or if it's just more like that it hasn't been this bad in our lifetimes and there are now more human lives and habitat to destroy than ever before, and therefore it's more disasterous to *us* (humans) without actually being too different in terms of earth's history.

Not to suggest this year *isn't* disasterous--I wouldn't say this to a hurricane or tsunami victim so much as to someone telling me to get Saved because these disasters "prove" the world's about to end and God is angry. (There have been other disasterous years in history when people thought the world was ending, I could also say.) < /sleep-deprived ramble>

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

Er, I meant "*us* (humans in the past half-century or so)."

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I was reading about scales of disasters increasing due to more habitated areas just earlier today, actually. I think it's certainly an aspect of it. But the Earth has seemed moody this year still, not just on the scale of disasters, but the number of them.

[falena]

Dear Cam,

you're simply Teh Best...
I'm trying hard not to go all rabid fangirl on you, but these little lovely letters are not making things easier, you know?:P

Eternal admiration,

Elisa

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry...? :P:P

Back in France, then?

[erhothwen.livejournal.com]

*is thoroughly amused during class*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'm more amusing than your teacher, then?

[chunkylimes.livejournal.com]

*shakes fist at Bush*

I eagerly look forward to him breaking down in a press conference and saying something like: "All right! All right! I admit! I was the one who had sinful relationships with goats! It was me! Me!!!"

And then the loony bin would have a new patient. . .

[melliyna.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

May I join you in slapping both John Howard and George Bush in the face with a trout? Because they are both gits. Total, utter gits. And I still cannot believe that people think Dumbya is at all Presidental.

May I also slap Labor for caving in regarding the anti-terror laws?

Also, word on Naked David Tennant. Perhaps when you take over the world you should make a law regarding that?

[arandil13.livejournal.com]

BBC for the masses? Woo hoo! You'd have my vote.

BBC America is one of the best things to happen to my country in a while. (Which isn't saying much considering other things that happened to my country are Bush and hurricanes.)

Is it a sad commentary on the world that I get my news from a foreign station when there are about 12 here with news programs? Maybe not the world. Maybe just the media over here.

Oh well. Your letters made me laugh, though.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

From what I've seen of your media, it seems to be them, yes. They sure are something.

*pets BBC* Good thing you get it, at least.

[siraj.livejournal.com]

Indiana: Stupidest state in existence... and I've driven through Iowa, which has insane drivers. Indiana's officially worse.

Football: This is why I watch hockey and rugby...

IM: I've got sharp pointy objects of death you can borrow, Cam...

Babydoll: WAHAHAHA!!

GAFF: I want to smack... hard.


Cam for Pres? I'd vote! Good slogans too!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You'd just hope to get me into that threesome, naughty one :P

Pfft, people get just as obsessive over rugby and hockey.

[elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com]

*seriously contemplating forwarding that letter to Howard along to Canberra*

Sometimes I'm really very ashamed of my country. But the politicians are so funny sometimes...

"There may be a terrorist attack, but it's not a specific threat."

"So there won't be a specific change in the law?"

"Er-"

"Or will it be that you can't specifically break this law? 'Cause that does kinda fuck-all."

"Well-"

"Or can only non-specific terrorists be arrested and detained for a non-specific two weeks? 'Cause that's really the non-specific entire general public, and I don't know if we've got enough non-specific prison space for that."

"Um-"

"And in the non-specific event of a non-specific terrorist threat, will people non-specifically die? We're non-specifically living right now and there's not much difference between the two, so we're not in any specific danger really, are we?"

"..."

"And I didn't see this in the election advertising either. Is this specifically core or non-core?"

Heh.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

:P Go right ahead, Howard doesn't scare me. I sent a rather peeved letter during the Tampa crisis, anyway.

*snorts*

Gotta love the non-specificness of the non-specific, but you can trust Howard on his non-specific word, non-specific honestly!

re: Dear Christopher Eccleston

[git-the-goddess.livejournal.com]

Who do I have to kill to be in that?

Re: Dear Christopher Eccleston

[misscam.livejournal.com]

... Me?

[speshulduck.livejournal.com]

This post (most particularly for the Bush, BBC, Eccleston, fic oh fuck it, everything) has confirmed that I must move past my fangirling of your fic and just friend you outright. Hope you don't mind.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, not at all. You add to the Doctor Who numbers versus all my LotR and CSI friends ;)

Besides, my LJ is fairly open and "come any, come all" (minus Bush, who can sod off), so jump right in.

Naked Eccleston is a very powerful draw, anyhoo.

[kunenk.livejournal.com]

I'll second the letter to Howard. I'll also add "And you're not doing this to distract people from the IR laws, are you, you're doing this so we don't look at the bloody other anti-terrorism laws you'd like to introduce too closely, eh!?". Argh. Somebody stop it, please. Make him leave, or die, or something. Soon. Please? *is not fond of Howard*

[aervir.livejournal.com]

Dear (some) fellow Doctor Who fanfic writers,

I know I'm new to the fandom and like you, I really, really enjoy Nine and Rose and the hand!porn. And you like me like to speculate in fanfic and write about all the things that won't be onscreen. Sometimes with smut. And really, I don't blame you. What I do blame you for is the horrid grammar, the utter character pillaging of the Doctor and/or Rose, the inane plot, the lack of ability to hit "spell check" and not to mention smut that is not only impossble under the laws of biology, physics, gravity and time, but also makes me worry romance novels are the new sex ed.

In short - try not to suck, mmkay?

A little more love when there's a little more effort,
Cam


Muwhahahaha. Oh, word!

May I also co-sign the letter to Christopher Eccleston? :)