Cam Writes Threesome In Pat's Honour

[misscam]

Pat Robertson warns Pennsylvania town of disaster

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson warned residents of a rural Pennsylvania town Thursday that disaster may strike there because they "voted God out of your city" by ousting school board members who favored teaching intelligent design.(...)

In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

And three out of these are wrong because...? I swear, Pat is like the bottled light version of Fred Phelps batshit insane. Less foam, but leaves you with the same taste of SHUUUUUUUT.UP.You.Twittering.Toad.of.Twaddle!

One of these days, I swear I will plan a Phelps&Robertson's Day of Having' Homosexuality. All straights go gay or lesbian for a day, in the honour of Fred and Pat. Kiss someone of the same gender! Ogle some same gender ass! Discuss with your friends the virtues of gay sex! Write slash and femslah! Be naughty! Be extra naughty and do it on a broomstick with a socialist! (Anyone who wants to book me, please order a year in advance.)

*shakes head* Shut up, you toads. Your croaking is ruining the taste of my Pop-Tarts.

Meanwhile, I'm writing threesome for the first time in my life - this is a big step for rather vanilla me, so shut up, okay? (You're talking to the girl who has in seven years of fanfic writing written two - two! - slash fics, after all. Out of about 150.) As usual, it's all Doctor Who's fault. And lotus79. And Pat Robertson, because he inspires me. In fact, I shall partly dedicate it to him.

Jack likes to watch.

Rose kisses the Doctor with her eyes open, head tilted upwards, fingers in close-cropped hair, the Doctor's hands on her hips, their bodies parallel lines, the space between them always skin. She tip-toes to reach until the Doctor curves into her shape, his face against her neck, and the shape changes, a half-circle of human and Gallifreyan halves. Dark and gold, but when their hands link, the skin is the same colour, shades of light meeting. (...)

The first time Rose kisses him, her eyes are closed and lips are half parted meeting his, tasting of wind and her and the Doctor and Jack thinks he may be lost. Leaning against the TARDIS wall, the Doctor is watching, saying nothing, arms folded and eyes dark. Watching as Jack lets hands rest on her back, pushing up her sweater to feel skin; watching as she sighs into Jack's kiss and puts a hand on his chest; watching as she arches into Jack's body.

"Doctor," she says and Jack kisses the pulse in her neck as she speaks, as if kissing the sound of the name spoken by her.

"Rose," the Doctor says, and he's still watching, still watching as he walks over, putting his hands on Jack's hands on Rose's back. Tilting her back backwards, she meets the Doctor's kiss, and Jack knows the taste of him is still on her lips.

Jack can't help but wonder if the Doctor is sharing Rose with him or if Rose is sharing the Doctor.

Comments

[larakailyn.livejournal.com]

Pat Robertson just boggles the mind sometime. He'd probably hate my NaNo story - threesome and magic. The horror.

Looking forward to reading your DW threesome story when it's completed! I love the excerpts. :) That last sentence is great.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Now all you need are some socialists and he's ready to declare you the spawn of Satan. Quite the honour.

Heh, thanks. Am a bit nervous writing it - haven't done one before. But there's a first for everything, being naughty included.

[adoraheatherly.livejournal.com]

That has to be the coolest icon I've ever seen!

[cantralian.livejournal.com]

That is absolutely amazing - you have in this short excerpt completely swept me away. I actually had a little hitch in my breathing, a little skip of the heart.

I will be counting the days until the rest.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Aaw, thank you. I'll try not to keep you waiting too long, but I'll have to leave room for a little headdesk'ing, since a first time is always a little bit of a try and fail.

[cantralian.livejournal.com]

I have the utmost faith in you - I know this is going to be brilliant. Or should I say fantastic?!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Getting stagefright now...

[cantralian.livejournal.com]

Sorry, sorry.

*sits quietly, hands folded neatly in lap*

I'll just be over therem being quiet and looking at something else.

you are an awesome writer though, BTW

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I do okay. I wouldn't be a journalist if I didn't, after all. But it's always slightly... challenging to try something new and even brilliant professional authors fuck up now and then, so you never do know. I always worry I'm gonna fall flat on my face.

*scribbles on*

[the-grokster.livejournal.com]

Can I book you for next year? I'll bring Pop-Tarts!
Also, can't wait to read the whole thing!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*checks calender*

Should be doable. Bring the chocolate kind. I like that.

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

I'm guessing this is because he couldn't get any from a feminist. :P (Hey, I'd become a lesbian to avoid him, myself. :P)

And hey Robertson--if that's so about Pennsylvania, don't cry to science to rebuild your house or your church should a natural disaster destroy either. By supporting the "theory" of intelligent design the way you do, you vote science out of America.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Science and God, now on Survivor. Who will survive the tribal vote?

*shakes head at idiot Pat*

[christinenj.livejournal.com]

Simply blown away. I love that excerpt.

And I'm sure somewhere Pat Roberston is twitching. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Bastard!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

:)

Total and utter one. I keep hoping one day he'll wake up with Fred Phelps in bed and discover they both loved being assholes too much.

[chunkylimes.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong that I omitted "being" from that sentence the first time I read it?

[aervir.livejournal.com]

A Doctor Who threesome? Whooo-hooo. Wheeee....!

And may I also book you in advance for a little Lesbian tryst in honour of Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps and other charming people?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes. I did finally give in to the OT3.

*checks calender* I have an opening in two years. I can wear my Bush-hating t-shirt and devil horns if that is a turn-on.

[kerlin.livejournal.com]

YES, OT3. Awesome. I can't wait for the rest!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Not long now...

*watches beta work*

[evilstorm.livejournal.com]

MmmhotOT3.

[roguem.livejournal.com]

Pat Robertson needs a brain that works...

[chunkylimes.livejournal.com]

Pat and Fred should start a company. They could call it Bugfuck Insane Co. They would sell crazy tablets, garunteed to make you abandon reason within five minutes!

[siraj.livejournal.com]

Ah Pat Robertson... Phelps is such a headache that I almost forgot about that fuckwit... Note to self: Beat Robertson with a hockey stick.

[stycaptain.livejournal.com]

It's always the religious fanatics that say the randomly stupid crap. Bloody hell, Robertson, WE DON'T ALL BELEIVE IN FLAT EARTH, GOBLINS AND SMITERY THINGS!

Your concept of a Homosexuals day intrigues me, albeit not in that way (I shall never abandon Bastila/The Handmaiden/Mira/Mary-Jane/Black Cat/Any Other Random Hot Women! Never, I say!) - if a straight man dresses up in drag, does he become a lesbian? What if a woman dresses up as a man dressed up as a pelican? What if the Doctor were to go to live in Seattle with Paul Atreides, C3-PO and Arthur Dent? Hang on, that would make a good sitcom...

"From Gallifrey he was sent,
So he walked to Seattle from Kent,
He bought a big house that was bent,
It's the Fremen, the Doctor, the Droid and the Dent!"

Paul can be an out-of-work Shakespearean actor...C3PO will masquerade as a French pastry chef...the Doctor will be a stay-at-home man...and Arthur can...eh...fight vampires?

Oh come on, who wouldn't watch that show?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You're utterly weird in a totally hilarious way.

In other words, I'd watch. And ogle the Doctor and Dent.

[stycaptain.livejournal.com]

High praise indeed from the Padishah Empress Cam the Fourth. No, wait, damn! Mustn't confuse fandoms, mustn't confuse fandoms...

What kind of vampires would Arthur fight, though? Buffy ones, Matrix ones or Blade ones? The mind Poggles...

We could have guest appearances from Ford, Gurney, K-9 and Yoda! And possibly musical numbers. With dancing elephants, giant posters of George Bush being stabbed and a complete list of people that should be zapped by Daleks, eaten by sandworms, cut into tiny bits by jedi or fed the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

I would actually quite like to have the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal as a pet.

(Looks at sky.)

I didn't mean that, you hear me? I don't actually want one!

Though I would like a new fridge!

(A giant fridge lands on top of me.)

Ow!

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

Completely off-topic: don't s'pose you know how long it takes for stuff to get to Norway from the US? I promise it isn't Phelps or Bush or anything...

[misscam.livejournal.com]

By airmail, about a week, week and a half. Depends on customs a bit and all.

Whatcha planning, sneaky one?

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

Not telling. *smirks*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*eyes*

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

*insert look of pure innocence*

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

*muses* Wonder how one would go about declaring Phelps and/or Bush?

Contents of Package Quantity
Religious Asshat 1
Incompetent World Leader 1

Insurance, Yes or No: No

Hmmm...I really need a plural "asshat" icon. Shoulda thought ahead when I made this one...

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

Norway would turn it away at Customs, I bet.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Of course. We're a sensible country, after all.

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

Can't say I blame you any--we don't want them either.

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

::jots down US/Norway travel time::

And Pat Robertson needs a swift kick in the butt. Intelligent Design is a fascinating idea that's a good bit more than *poof* Miracle!, but it's been hijacked...there's nothing Christian or even terribly Godly about it, just that it's open to the idea that the world is not materialistic and that in some cases, allowing for the concept of an Intelligence works a heck of a lot less inanely than randomness. In conclusion, Pat Robertson needs a swift kick in the butt.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* There is a great deal of the world still unexplored. That opens for endless lovely speculation.

But anyone trying to convince me the Earth is 6,000 years old has to bring a heck of a lot more than "God would say so if he was here, meanwhile I'll be his interpreter" to the table.

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, someone whould have to bring lots to the table to convince me the Earth is young. I've read at least one book that had that as part of it, but the evidence they brought to the table didn't convince me since it was pretty much all over the board for saying how old the Earth is.

Intelligent Design is interesting to me because it gives a very plausible answer to "which came first, DNA or DNA helicase" and why DNA has a language inside it. Well, that and why the universe contains designers. I don't think it should be taught as a seperate "theory", though, just possibly as an alternative to mutations mutations mutations.

[stycaptain.livejournal.com]

Hey, not all Christians think the Earth's six thousand years old. My theory is thus -

-Ancient Hebrew has no word for 'many'. Thus, rather than Noah being on his ark for 'forty days', he was in fact on it for 'many days'.
-Therefore, it's likely that the Jews wanted to say that the Earth was OLD, but had no word for 'many' years old, so they said six thousand. I mean, that is quite a long time, when you think about it.

I also have another theorum concerning evolution and the Bible -

1. God creates light.
-Now, what creates light? Explosions? Correct!
2. Firmament of Heaven.
-This could be read to refer to the universe forming solid matter rather than random dust clouds.
3. Water and land are seperated, God creates plants.
-This may refer to the Primoridial soup. Algae could be considered 'plants' as well.
4. Creates sun, moon and stars.
-There's no scientific comparison for this, so I'm taking it as false.
5 and 6. Marine life and birds are created. Land dwelling animals appear, and God makes humans.
-This is basically true, save for the order of the creation.

BUT

Here's my coinciding for evolution:

Evolution states that humans evolve from primates. Note that land dwelling animals appear before humans. Is it possible that by human, the Bible means modern humans which evolved from land-dwelling animals?

Alternately, which I beleive, is that God certainly created the universe, but mostly in the scientific fashion. From Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel to just before the great flood, I'm quite sure that that's symbolism. After that, however - (records show that there was a flood around the time Genesis says there was) - I think the Bible's mostly literal.

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know lots of Christians don't think the 6000 year old Earth is correct either. I don't think the creation account in Genesis is literal either--God created language, certainly he knows how to use a metaphor ;)

Something interesting--what defines the outside edge of the universe? Light.

I've usually understood the creation account to be from the Earth's POV, which is why the sun moon and stars could be said to be created after plants--they were likely not visible on Earth at the time except as a hazy light.

I'm Christian, too, and I have no problem with most of evolutionary theory. As far as I can see, natural selection is a law as much as the laws of thermodynamics. It's just that natural selection has to have something to select for before it can select. That's where I run into trouble, especially since as far as is observable, most mutations are either benign or horribly harmful. Some, like Sickle Cell, are only useful if a person has one gene for it; it's dangerous to have two. Then there's the really fascinating stuff like information...language in DNA. They don't call it the genetic code for nothing :) So I tend to believe God did actively create the various types of life forms, and then let evolution take over, for the most part.

::hasn't played KotOR II yet, trying to finish KotOR fic first!!::

Carth!

[stycaptain.livejournal.com]

You should really get KotOR 2. Lots of people say it had glitches, but I played it on my friend's X-Box and it worked fine. No problems whatsoever.

Here are improvements -
-Better story
-Better graphics
-You heal slowly over time
-20% more droolable characters: Mira, sex-ay bounty hunter chick, Handmaiden, white-haired Echani, and a shirtless dark lord. But I wouldn't know about the dark lord, considering I'm male and straight, so that remains the choice of the player.

Interesting Earth-viewpoint concept - much better than my previous one, which suggested that God in fact created the solar system only. Which seems a bit like a downgrade, to be honest.

Does it actually say anywhere in Genesis that the Earth was 6000 years old? I can't find it at all.

Re: Carth!

[highwindpav.livejournal.com]

I do have KotOR II, but I'm waiting to play until I finish a) an AU fic that started out as an attempt to explain how Carth could fall for a DSF Revan and exploded into a Sith Bunny Lord of Doom complete with a finished side story ::grumble:: and b) finish NaNoWriMo, which I happen to be using to write the sequel to the AU fic I haven't finished yet. I've been told that there are some interesting potential parallels with the fic and Darth Nihilus, so I'm trying to keep myself from being contaminated by KotOR II's ideas until I'm done with at least the first fic.

I have the PC versions of both. Being female and straight would make me somewhat immune to Mira and Handmaiden; not sure about shirtless Dark Lords :) Although I have heard horror stories about Carth's choice in clothing in KotOR II...

No, Genesis says nothing about the age of the Earth. It's actually a date that some guy (forget who) came up with that. Using the ages of the antedeluvians, a literal six day creation, and the generations in Jesus' geneology, this guy figured the Earth was 4,000 years and change old when Jesus was born. Add the 2,000 and change after that, and you get 6,000 years, roughly.

[scarlettgirl.livejournal.com]

As someone who actually lives in Pennsylvania (although not the wee town he's referring to) I can say we're a-tremblin'. TREMBLING!

We'll probably all be struck blind or, WORSE...

Lose our internet connections so we can't read THREESOME PORN!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

A fate worse than hell, clearly, since there they would have porn and orgies and sixteesomes.