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misscamHave I found the worst CSI fic? If not, it's a strong contender. Oh yes.
Found via here, but sadly, you can't read unless you're a member. So I give a few excerpts and let you judge for yourself.
then warrick spots Tina's ex. ,a paramedic,
War.:Oh so let me guess, you protested a gainst him being theparamedic on your lil ride-along.
Tina:Warrick, sweety, don't make a scene infront of all of thesepeople.
War.:Tina it's Catherine and your lil boyfriend.
Tina(open mouthed): Ex-boyfriend!
War.:Yeah.. Right!
Paramedic:TINA! we gatta go,we gotta O.D.!
Tina:Be right there Hank!(yeah, that Hank.!) (...)
Nick:Hey Warric, things o.k. with you and Tina.
War.:Y?(thinking he might know)
Nick: hank and tins are havening sum...um...Fun in that ambulance.
War.: DAMN IT!
nick: sorry man.
war.:I guess i kinda already knew.
cath.:You did!?!?!?!?
war.: To some extent, I mean when you cheat you know.
nick: you cheated on her?
war.: Not comepletely, but, I'm about to.!
he txts. sum1 and Nick finds out who when Catherine's phone beeps.
Cath.(shocked and scared): now Nick. it's not what you think.(she suddenley feels like a whore)
Nick: oh it's not?!
Cath.:NO!
Warrick grabs her and frenches her she pushes him off of her andleaves.
Catherine answers the door and it's Lady Heather.!
Cath.: Lady Heather?(she notices she is crying) What's wrong?
L.H.:It's Gil. I went over to his place and...when I saw him he...
Cath.: What?
L.H.:He slit his wrists Catherine.!!!!!!( she breaks down into tearsand catherine hugs her.)
Cath.:I'm gonna call Sara.
OUTSIDE!Catherine gets Sara's machine it says: Hi it's Sara Sidle, if you're fromwork or something I already quit, and I'mlong gone by now, so , BYE!!!(BEEP!)Cath.:DAMN IT!!!! ( she goes inside and pulls Warrick aside)Cath.:I know why he did it.(she lets him listen to the machine)
War.:Son of a________
Lindsey: MOM! the docs. here
Dac.:Awwwww.ok Ms.WIllows so Lindsey is Mr.Grissom's daughter.
Cath.:YES.Doc.:
Ok come with me.
T.B.C.
Spelling, plot, characterisation... Oh dear oh dear oh dear. And the "to be continued" promises so, so well, doesn't it?
And because I subjected you all to such evil badfic, I offer a preview of my own to hopefully ease the burn.
Tentative title: Mirror Dancing
Summary: You could rewrite this, Rose Tyler. Into whatever you want. [Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose] AU.
II
It starts with a voice.
"You could rewrite this, Rose Tyler," the voice says, and she always nods, because she knows it's true. History can be rewritten like *that*, he's told her. History is a script, and it has at least one editor, running around with a sonic screwdriver instead of a red pen. She knows. She's seen. And she knows she has some power too, power through him, because he looks at her a certain way and gives her what she wants even declaring it a bad idea all the while.
"No, no," the voice says, and it's her voice and his voice and it sings like the TARDIS too. "You could rewrite this."
"Into what?"
"Into whatever you want."
It begins with a voice, and she's listening.
II
The TARDIS hums and jolts as always, but she almost thinks she can hear a difference these days. Maybe it's just a fantasy. Maybe she's facing change by trying too hard, looking for changes where there are none so she can show him just how accepting she is.
His hand is different still. The skin has a slightly different texture, and sometimes when he takes her hand, she dares draw her thumb across it and feel. He always smiles, but she wonders what he thinks. She never did quite know, even before he changed, but she used to have an illusion that she did to cling to.
Style has changed too. He dresses differently, trench coat for leather jacket and suit for jumper. More a geek, less a rebel, still the Doctor. He moulds style into his as easily as he does time. Sometimes, she thinks he moulds her too, and sometimes, she thinks she is moulding him. And either way, they change.
Smaller ears and bigger hair he has has well, and the pitch and tilt of his voice feels different to her ears. Apparently, lots of planets have a London too.
He smiles less manically but more frequently, and she can feel her own smile change too. Into what, she doesn't know, and maybe she is still trying too hard. Because it matters to him that she still likes him, she knows, because he looks at her a certain way still.
Why, that might not have changed at all.
"So, where are we going?" she finally asks, and he smiles at her.
"Where'd you wanna go, Rose Tyler? Forwards? Sideways? Roundways? Backwards?"
"Backwards," she says, and time moves.
II
Backwards. Back up, back up, back up... Right to a Satellite Five, and an alien invasion.
A difference. The script according to her. The Daleks... The Daleks go away. The Daleks are nothing. A difference she'd want.
She wakes up in the TARDIS, and she knows things are different. She can feel it in the silence that isn't, the silence that are familiar noises of the TARDIS and not the dying screams of the slaughtered.
"What happened?" she asks.
"The Daleks went away," the Doctor says, and he smiles at her, strange joy masked by sadness. "You did it, Rose Tyler."
"Where's Jack?" she asks, getting up. Her skin feels different, a fading warmth clinging to it, almost as if it has burned.
"Staying behind. Helping to rebuild the Earth. We'll meet him again."
She nods, even as she doesn't understand. It doesn't seem to matter much, right now. There is life, they're alive, and she could sing with the joy of it. She is singing, it feels like, just not with sounds she can hear. She can just feel it, the notes tingling inside her.
He keeps looking at her. Returning the favour in a way, she supposes, since she keeps looking at him too. It is almost as if she's trying to memorize his features, as if she hasn't seen him in a long time, and she's afraid she won't see him again for a long time either.
He isn't classically handsome, she thinks. His ears are slightly too big, his face slightly too drawn. His close-cropped hair frame character more than it frames beauty. He looks old enough to be her dad, and is far, far older. And still... There's the charm and personality that radiates from him and clings to his skin and makes her want to cling to it too.
"We won?"
"You won," he says, and his jumper is warm as she leans her head against it and feels his arms encircle her. It feels right and wrong and life. "You did it, Rose Tyler."
She forgets to ask just what she did.
II
She forgets to consider her shoes. With the other Doctor, the former him, she could tell when to put on her running shoes from what he was hiding with his smile. This one, he goes from jokes to judgement in less than a heartbeat, darkness sliding out of like a claw, and then it's as if it never was. More pleasantries and less haunted, but no less capable of rage.
She tries to adapt, but she still ends up running for the TARDIS in all the wrong shoes.
Like high heels over muddy fields, escaping some very irate Austen family members.
"I didn't think she would be this mad!" the Doctor calls out, and she's amazed he has the breath as she tries to catch hers, leaning against the console.
"You spilt wine on the first draft of Pride and Prejudice!"
"It was rubbish, anyway," he says merrily. "Mr. Darcy realises his mad, passionate love for his aunt and Elizabeth marries his hereto unknown twin, Dirk Darcy."
"You're making that up," she laughs, trying to steady her breath and failing. Everything seems to fall and gravity is yanking at her and for a moment, it almost sounds like her name.
Rose.
"Maybe I am. The world will never know now, eh?"
"No," she gulps, and the room spins and spins and comes to rest on his worried face. He's caught her, she realises, and her legs feel burning.
"You all right? Bit out of shape?"
"I..." She steadies herself with a hand against his chest, forcing herself to smile. "Must be. My mum keeps pushing extra biscuit packs on me every time we visit. Must be those."
"Can't be those," he says, letting go of her with just a flicker of hesitance, and maybe she's just imagining that too. "I always eat those."
"Biscuit-hogger."
"Infamous for it through six galaxies and seven alternate timelines!" he declares proudly, and they both laugh again. It's almost enough to wash away the feeling of unease, even if she feels him looking at her when he thinks she isn't looking.
Rose.
Something is wrong, she thinks.
II
Also, icon love. Mmm-mmm.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dragonlp86's work, of course.
Found via here, but sadly, you can't read unless you're a member. So I give a few excerpts and let you judge for yourself.
then warrick spots Tina's ex. ,a paramedic,
War.:Oh so let me guess, you protested a gainst him being theparamedic on your lil ride-along.
Tina:Warrick, sweety, don't make a scene infront of all of thesepeople.
War.:Tina it's Catherine and your lil boyfriend.
Tina(open mouthed): Ex-boyfriend!
War.:Yeah.. Right!
Paramedic:TINA! we gatta go,we gotta O.D.!
Tina:Be right there Hank!(yeah, that Hank.!) (...)
Nick:Hey Warric, things o.k. with you and Tina.
War.:Y?(thinking he might know)
Nick: hank and tins are havening sum...um...Fun in that ambulance.
War.: DAMN IT!
nick: sorry man.
war.:I guess i kinda already knew.
cath.:You did!?!?!?!?
war.: To some extent, I mean when you cheat you know.
nick: you cheated on her?
war.: Not comepletely, but, I'm about to.!
he txts. sum1 and Nick finds out who when Catherine's phone beeps.
Cath.(shocked and scared): now Nick. it's not what you think.(she suddenley feels like a whore)
Nick: oh it's not?!
Cath.:NO!
Warrick grabs her and frenches her she pushes him off of her andleaves.
Catherine answers the door and it's Lady Heather.!
Cath.: Lady Heather?(she notices she is crying) What's wrong?
L.H.:It's Gil. I went over to his place and...when I saw him he...
Cath.: What?
L.H.:He slit his wrists Catherine.!!!!!!( she breaks down into tearsand catherine hugs her.)
Cath.:I'm gonna call Sara.
OUTSIDE!Catherine gets Sara's machine it says: Hi it's Sara Sidle, if you're fromwork or something I already quit, and I'mlong gone by now, so , BYE!!!(BEEP!)Cath.:DAMN IT!!!! ( she goes inside and pulls Warrick aside)Cath.:I know why he did it.(she lets him listen to the machine)
War.:Son of a________
Lindsey: MOM! the docs. here
Dac.:Awwwww.ok Ms.WIllows so Lindsey is Mr.Grissom's daughter.
Cath.:YES.Doc.:
Ok come with me.
T.B.C.
Spelling, plot, characterisation... Oh dear oh dear oh dear. And the "to be continued" promises so, so well, doesn't it?
And because I subjected you all to such evil badfic, I offer a preview of my own to hopefully ease the burn.
Tentative title: Mirror Dancing
Summary: You could rewrite this, Rose Tyler. Into whatever you want. [Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose] AU.
II
It starts with a voice.
"You could rewrite this, Rose Tyler," the voice says, and she always nods, because she knows it's true. History can be rewritten like *that*, he's told her. History is a script, and it has at least one editor, running around with a sonic screwdriver instead of a red pen. She knows. She's seen. And she knows she has some power too, power through him, because he looks at her a certain way and gives her what she wants even declaring it a bad idea all the while.
"No, no," the voice says, and it's her voice and his voice and it sings like the TARDIS too. "You could rewrite this."
"Into what?"
"Into whatever you want."
It begins with a voice, and she's listening.
II
The TARDIS hums and jolts as always, but she almost thinks she can hear a difference these days. Maybe it's just a fantasy. Maybe she's facing change by trying too hard, looking for changes where there are none so she can show him just how accepting she is.
His hand is different still. The skin has a slightly different texture, and sometimes when he takes her hand, she dares draw her thumb across it and feel. He always smiles, but she wonders what he thinks. She never did quite know, even before he changed, but she used to have an illusion that she did to cling to.
Style has changed too. He dresses differently, trench coat for leather jacket and suit for jumper. More a geek, less a rebel, still the Doctor. He moulds style into his as easily as he does time. Sometimes, she thinks he moulds her too, and sometimes, she thinks she is moulding him. And either way, they change.
Smaller ears and bigger hair he has has well, and the pitch and tilt of his voice feels different to her ears. Apparently, lots of planets have a London too.
He smiles less manically but more frequently, and she can feel her own smile change too. Into what, she doesn't know, and maybe she is still trying too hard. Because it matters to him that she still likes him, she knows, because he looks at her a certain way still.
Why, that might not have changed at all.
"So, where are we going?" she finally asks, and he smiles at her.
"Where'd you wanna go, Rose Tyler? Forwards? Sideways? Roundways? Backwards?"
"Backwards," she says, and time moves.
II
Backwards. Back up, back up, back up... Right to a Satellite Five, and an alien invasion.
A difference. The script according to her. The Daleks... The Daleks go away. The Daleks are nothing. A difference she'd want.
She wakes up in the TARDIS, and she knows things are different. She can feel it in the silence that isn't, the silence that are familiar noises of the TARDIS and not the dying screams of the slaughtered.
"What happened?" she asks.
"The Daleks went away," the Doctor says, and he smiles at her, strange joy masked by sadness. "You did it, Rose Tyler."
"Where's Jack?" she asks, getting up. Her skin feels different, a fading warmth clinging to it, almost as if it has burned.
"Staying behind. Helping to rebuild the Earth. We'll meet him again."
She nods, even as she doesn't understand. It doesn't seem to matter much, right now. There is life, they're alive, and she could sing with the joy of it. She is singing, it feels like, just not with sounds she can hear. She can just feel it, the notes tingling inside her.
He keeps looking at her. Returning the favour in a way, she supposes, since she keeps looking at him too. It is almost as if she's trying to memorize his features, as if she hasn't seen him in a long time, and she's afraid she won't see him again for a long time either.
He isn't classically handsome, she thinks. His ears are slightly too big, his face slightly too drawn. His close-cropped hair frame character more than it frames beauty. He looks old enough to be her dad, and is far, far older. And still... There's the charm and personality that radiates from him and clings to his skin and makes her want to cling to it too.
"We won?"
"You won," he says, and his jumper is warm as she leans her head against it and feels his arms encircle her. It feels right and wrong and life. "You did it, Rose Tyler."
She forgets to ask just what she did.
II
She forgets to consider her shoes. With the other Doctor, the former him, she could tell when to put on her running shoes from what he was hiding with his smile. This one, he goes from jokes to judgement in less than a heartbeat, darkness sliding out of like a claw, and then it's as if it never was. More pleasantries and less haunted, but no less capable of rage.
She tries to adapt, but she still ends up running for the TARDIS in all the wrong shoes.
Like high heels over muddy fields, escaping some very irate Austen family members.
"I didn't think she would be this mad!" the Doctor calls out, and she's amazed he has the breath as she tries to catch hers, leaning against the console.
"You spilt wine on the first draft of Pride and Prejudice!"
"It was rubbish, anyway," he says merrily. "Mr. Darcy realises his mad, passionate love for his aunt and Elizabeth marries his hereto unknown twin, Dirk Darcy."
"You're making that up," she laughs, trying to steady her breath and failing. Everything seems to fall and gravity is yanking at her and for a moment, it almost sounds like her name.
Rose.
"Maybe I am. The world will never know now, eh?"
"No," she gulps, and the room spins and spins and comes to rest on his worried face. He's caught her, she realises, and her legs feel burning.
"You all right? Bit out of shape?"
"I..." She steadies herself with a hand against his chest, forcing herself to smile. "Must be. My mum keeps pushing extra biscuit packs on me every time we visit. Must be those."
"Can't be those," he says, letting go of her with just a flicker of hesitance, and maybe she's just imagining that too. "I always eat those."
"Biscuit-hogger."
"Infamous for it through six galaxies and seven alternate timelines!" he declares proudly, and they both laugh again. It's almost enough to wash away the feeling of unease, even if she feels him looking at her when he thinks she isn't looking.
Rose.
Something is wrong, she thinks.
II
Also, icon love. Mmm-mmm.
dragonlp86's work, of course.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 10:36 pm (UTC)::looks around at own fics-in-progress:: Not that I'd know anything about that.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:00 pm (UTC)(Not safe for anyone. And I mean that. I was actually highly offended. Me.)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:07 pm (UTC)I just. I. I died. Right there. It's parody, right? Please say it's parody. It almost works if it's parody.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:12 pm (UTC)Grissom was very unique because he had a penis and a vagina. He was born a hermaphrodite. His penis was very tiny, but his vagina was very large, bigger than Catherine’s giant vagina, which is next to impossible.
WHAT
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:17 pm (UTC)"Oh why didn’t you just throw stolen Missy Elliot CD’s at her like usual?" Sara inquired.
"Because I’ve had enough of her dumbass and this case is too serious to be fucking around like that Sara!" he said as he slapped her.
"Oh yeah I like it rough," said Sara.
"Oh I know you do slut," Grissom replied.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:20 pm (UTC)Grissom dropped Sara from his arms, where she lands into the toilet. “I gotta see Lindsey.” said Grissom. “Bye ho.” Grissom waved. “WAIT!” Sara realized she was stuck in the toilet. “God damn. Psh, Catherine was better than this.” Sara reached into her ass, and pulled out a tube of KY jelly, and lubricated the toilet and set herself free.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:26 pm (UTC)The party was suddenly put to a stop when Sophia entered the room. “Cheerio bloaks. ‘Ow’s it going, mates?”
“OUT!” Sara yelled. She threw her dildo that was in her gap, at Sophia.
The dildo hit Sophia right in her face. “Ouch” Sophia left.
Nick was getting tired, pounding Grissom’s ass like mashed potatoes. “All yours”
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:30 pm (UTC)Catherine slowly began to suck Warrick’s cock. “FASTAH” Catherine started going faster, but gagged. “Alright, enough of dat” Warrick pulled Catherine up and started to fuck her hardcore. “Uggghghh Mmmmmm” As they were fucking, Catherine yelled “FIRE IN MY HOLE!!” Warrick started to fire his machine gun, as he started having an orgasm, busting caps all over the locker room and rooms around it.
Nearby, Bobby, the ballistics guy, had popped up to see what happened. “What the fuck?” Suddenly, many bullets started coming his way and he tried to dodge them, but Warrick kept shooting Bobby, killing him.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 11:11 pm (UTC)I daren't read this person's stories. I like my brain to not be dribbling from my ears...
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 07:48 am (UTC)I just laughed so hard that I woke up Evil Roommate and Evil Roommate's "We're Just Friends" Boy.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:28 pm (UTC)What is she, Captain Jack?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-11 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 05:03 am (UTC)I shall not go away until I get some.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:22 pm (UTC)*gets out folding chair and sleeping bag*
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 03:36 pm (UTC)See? I've started a trend. *has flashbacks to queuing up for HBP*
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 08:52 am (UTC)Like high heels over muddy fields, escaping some very irate Austen family members.
"I didn't think she would be this mad!" the Doctor calls out, and she's amazed he has the breath as she tries to catch hers, leaning against the console.
"You spilt wine on the first draft of Pride and Prejudice!"
"It was rubbish, anyway," he says merrily. "Mr. Darcy realises his mad, passionate love for his aunt and Elizabeth marries his hereto unknown twin, Dirk Darcy."
Um -- marry me? :D
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 11:44 am (UTC)I wish I would after reading the excerpts. Ouch.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-12 07:24 pm (UTC)