Five Things the TARDIS Understood About Rose Tyler (and One She Didn't About the Doctor)

[misscam]

Five Things the TARDIS Understood About Rose Tyler (and One She Didn't About the Doctor)
by Camilla Sandman

Disclaimer: BBC's characters. My words.

Rating: PG.

Summary: Here a human, there a human, here a Rose Tyler. They're not all that complicated, humans. Perhaps that is why they are hard to understand. [Doctor/Rose]

Author's Note: Pinch-hit for the Rose Tyler ficathon for brienze, who wanted: 1. Rose doing something that surprises the Doctor (Nine or Ten) 2. the TARDIS as a character in the story 3. mention of Gallifrey or the Time War. Prompt 016 for 50lyricsfanfic. Vague references to series one and two. Thanks to wendymr for beta'ing.

Table of Prompts

II

Knowledge is not understanding, the TARDIS understands. Even knowing them, she never stops learning about humans.

It's hard to avoid learning when her Time Lord keeps bringing in stray humans and almost adopting them for a while. Here a human, there a human, not always a human, but often enough. It's like the Doctor has a particular affinity, and that breed seems to fit.

They're not all that complicated, humans. Perhaps that is why they are hard to understand. Perhaps that is why the TARDIS finds something to learn every time, every stray.

All of them put together and there might not seem much in common. Perhaps there isn't really anything except him. But one look in their minds, and the TARDIS usually knows he will take them before even he does. It's hard not to, with all of time in her heart, always seeing what will be. Always seeing what was. They are the same, for all they're not. All of time, and people only ever come in one edition. Time never repeats them, just echoes.

Here a human, there a human, here a Rose Tyler. Not that different from the others. Not that different at all, but all distinct. Rose Tyler, limited edition human (one of one), collection companion. One touch of her mind, and the TARDIS knows. Rose Tyler is coming with.

Even knowing her, the TARDIS has much to understand yet.

II

Humans don't understand, the TARDIS knows.

"900," Rose says one day in flight, leaning back in the console chair as the Doctor tinkers around her. He gives her a surprised look, and she returns it with so much innocence there's guilt all over it. "What? You are."

"You needn't say it as if you're sizing me up for the old folks' home."

"You'd be a right riot in one of those, you would," she observes, visibly enjoying a few mental images.

"Haha," he replies curtly, but Rose only grins. She seems to have grown used to his ways, even adapting to his darkness by being bright herself. Little human, ever trying to make a fit. They always do. Even if it takes readjusting the whole universe around. Even if it takes trying to imagine 900 years of living.

"So come on, what's 900 years like?"

"Hurried."

She thinks, her mind a mass of confused thoughts and trying to understand what someone at 19 just can't and at 90 still won't. Humans don't understand age. They never live one.

"Can you die?" she asks after a moment, biting her lip a little. Already fear, and still so young. So intent on being brave when she's only seen a fraction of all there's to be afraid of. Easy to be brave in ignorance.

"Yes," he says firmly.

"Ever want to?" falls out of her, more trying to understand than trying to intrude, but he still looks almost stricken, pain crossing his face so tellingly even Rose can see. "I mean..."

"Once," he says, standing up to loom over her, his shadow dark across her skin.

"After the war?" Rose whispers, because she does piece things together and he keeps giving her little clues.

"After the war," he agrees, voice bitter. Still haven't forgiven her, the TARDIS knows. Never will, because living is worst punishment you can give someone determined they deserve death. He still loves her. He has to, when she's all he has.

All and Rose.

"Good thing you didn't," Rose says suddenly, challenging him. "Never would've met me if you didn't."

"Good thing," he agrees, almost smiling, and they joke all the way till their new destination and danger. Rose is making a puzzle, the Doctor is making a survival and between them, there is a mass of years. 900 and 19. It shouldn't be a fit.

Rose will still try to make it one, the TARDIS understands.

II

Humans are herd animals, the TARDIS knows.

Easy enough when there's only two. Rose and the Doctor. You and me, him and her, twosome. An easy herd to keep track of, even if there's always complications if both want to lead. Humans do seem ever fond of twosome herds, repeating them again and again. But sometimes, they do add to them.

Rose, the Doctor and Jack.

Threesome herd. The TARDIS has observed those before, and foursome herds too. Family, as humans call it, even if it isn't genes that bring them together. Always with roles to go with. Father, mother, child, sister, brother, friend, lover, brother-in-law, grandchild.

It isn't easy to puzzle this particular herd out. Jack seems to play several roles at once, as if trying the fit. Brother to Rose. Potential lover to Rose. Rival to the Doctor. Potential lover to the Doctor. Outsider to the twosome. Part of the threesome.

Humans don't just have one herd. Perhaps that is the puzzle. Perhaps it's Rose and the Doctor, Rose and Jack, Jack and the Doctor and Rose, the Doctor and Jack all at work at the same time.

It's no wonder humans get so confused. And still they keep making their herds, keep holding on to them, keep defending them viciously if need be.

Humans are herd animals. Rose is going to do all she can to keep hers together, the TARDIS understands.

II

Humans are so small, the TARDIS knows.

All of her in all of Rose, and there's hardly space. Something will have to give, and it'll be Rose, and she's not even regretting it. She is... She is... They are. They are everything and they're saving the Doctor again and loving and oh yes, love. Humans know love, in their tiny little ways.

Humans love enough to let time into them and feel what it costs. Little Rose and the great TARDIS. Just one, now, taking time from the Daleks until they're dust. Giving time to Jack until he's alive. Tiny Jack. Beloved Jack. Jack of their herd.

Doctor of their herd. He's always been her Doctor, even before she was Rose. She's lived for him. It makes it easy to die for him. It makes it easy to kill Rose for him.

Rose even agrees.

"... It's killing me," Rose-TARDIS says, because time kills and humans have this weird desire to say what is obvious and now the TARDIS does too.

"I think you need a Doctor," the Doctor says, which Rose thinks a bad joke and the TARDIS a threat. When he leans forward and kisses them, human and not, she knows it is. He's taking her away from Rose, using her to give life back and heal the damage she's already done, erasing memories as he goes. She lets him, even knowing the cost to him.

All of time hurts too much in human wrapping.

Humans are so small. Rose prefers the size she is, the TARDIS understands.

II

Humans mate, the TARDIS knows.

Rose is kissing the Doctor and the Doctor isn't exactly protesting, hair ruffled and tie loose and back against the TARDIS door. He hasn't said a word and Rose only two, but they still seem to make some sort of understanding in touches. Or maybe it's a war of wills, Rose's versus the Doctor's.

The TARDIS isn't sure who she's cheering. She feels Rose still, remembers Rose still, but the Doctor is the real heart of the TARDIS and she's his. Perhaps it doesn't much matter, since neither will win.

"Bad idea, Rose," the Doctor says when she moves her mouth to his earlobe, as if he knows Rose is using sex as reassurance, claim and comfort all at once. She didn't need it before. Now, she's beginning to feel she does, even if she isn't even aware of it herself.

"Yes," she agrees. "Talking is a bad idea."

He closes his eyes, but his hands are around her waist and he's not letting go or pushing her away. Always half-way, the Doctor. Half a rebel, half a rule-maker. Half resisting attachments, half making them. Half a Time Lord, half trying not to be. Half the Universe's, half anyone he gives himself to. Half Rose's, half TARDIS's.

Half wanting to shag Rose, half not.

Time Lords do mate. Just not always with sex. Rose can't know that, because he doesn't tell her. The TARDIS could, but knowledge isn't understanding. Rose will still want to have naked skin and his body beneath his, yielding to her will.

Humans mate. Rose is going to claim hers the way she knows how, the TARDIS understands.

II

Humans do feel time, the TARDIS knows.

The Doctor is lying on the floor, thinking with his eyes closed and Rose is watching him, a rare moment of silence between them. He talks a lot and she has adapted, still trying to fit when the space beside him is no longer the same. But time for adjustments is almost over. He feels it. She does too, she just can't quite identify it.

Premonitions, humans say. Something in the wind. Ache in the bones. A sense of doom. Explanations for feeling time, but not quite making out what it sings about.

Changes. Always changes.

Humans never like them. Time loves them.

Rose stands up abruptly, and the Doctor looks rather surprised when she sits herself on top of him and take hold of his tie.

"Rose," he protests. "I was thinking!"

"You usually think while babbling 200 words a minute," she replies. "You telling me you can't think with a woman on top?"

"I can think with a Ranstorik beast on top," he counters. "Mind you, they don't have breasts."

"We don't have to go anywhere today," she says, and he looks at her with lowered eyelids.

"Not even to see your mum? You've been nagging me..."

"I have not!"

"You were thinking about nagging me, that's as good as."

"You can tell when I'm thinking about nagging?"

"Yes," he says simply. "So no Jackie Tyler's?"

"Just not today."

She yanks at his tie slightly, and he obediently lifts himself up enough to come face to face with her.

"Let's stay like this forever," she says.

Humans do feel time. Rose is trying very hard not to, the TARDIS understands.

II

Time Lords don't like goodbyes, the TARDIS knows.

The Doctor comes back to the TARDIS alone and she knows what has happened even as he's still trying to cope with it. He seems to walk almost in a daze, steps slow and careful, as if they pain him. None of the usual energy, but all of the grief he always feels.

Here a human, there a human, here a parting. Always a parting. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not. Not this time.

Here no longer Rose Tyler.

"I said I wouldn't just leave her behind," he says quietly, hands already busy on the console. "I need to say goodbye."

Time Lords don't like goodbyes. They will still sometimes make them, the TARDIS understands. He'll find a way. He does, when there's something he needs. She knows him that well. She just doesn't always understand him.

All these stray humans, always the same pain. He must know - he does know - they never last. He still keeps finding them, even looking for them. She doesn't understand, even if she can learn to understand them. They're not all that complicated, humans. Maybe she's missing something simple.

Knowledge is not understanding, the TARDIS understands. Even knowing him, she never stops learning about the Doctor.

FIN

Comments

[dark-aegis.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That is just gorgeous. One of the best TARDIS-as-a-character pieces that I've ever read and just so beautiful. The TARDIS's learning about humans and finally about Rose is just so truthful and trusting and beautiful. The last section brought tears to my eyes. This is, I think, your best work to date (and that's saying something). Thank you so much for participating in the ficathon, especially for agreeing to pinch-hit. This is definitely worth the wait.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you - the TARDIS is a very fascinating character to write, because you can have so many takes on her and how sentient she even is. It's fairly open to interpretation in many ways. Which can make it a bit of a challenge as well.

But anyway, glad you liked and it was fun particingpating (twice).

[wendymr.livejournal.com]

Agreed - I absolutely loved this. In a way, you'd think that writing from the TARDIS's perspective about the Doctor/Rose relationship might serve to distance it, but it doesn't. It casts a lens that adds such poignancy to it all, and makes me feel even closer to the twosome - and even threesome, as they were for a bit.

And that final section, the image of the Doctor walking back to his beloved TARDIS alone... heart-wrenching. :(

The Doctor comes back to the TARDIS alone and she knows what has happened even as he's still trying to cope with it. He seems to walk almost in a daze, steps slow and careful, as if they pain him. None of the usual energy, but all of the grief he always feels.

Here a human, there a human, here a parting. Always a parting. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not. Not this time.

Here no longer Rose Tyler.

*sob*

Thank you so much for taking part a second time for us! This is one to treasure.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

In some ways, they were always a threesome with the TARDIS around ;) And really, the TARDIS is about the most constant companion the Doctor has.

Anyway, thank you :) Very pleased you enjoyed as much.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

That was simply lovely. Thank you so very much.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[dhark-charlotte.livejournal.com]

Brilliant and sad.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[andsheloves.livejournal.com]

Hey, this is really great. I like it. I really enjoyed this. *g*

Feel free to post this at fivethingsmeme. Please and thanks. :)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And I'll give it a look and see if I can - have to post to Whofic later too, but I just wanted to get it up for the deadline first.

[quarkz.livejournal.com]

You really have a brilliant knack of taking these characters and creating a story so in character and true to the show. I think we get more from your stories than we do from what is played out on screen and it's an insight that you write beautifully. Hopefully you never stop writing for this fandom because your stories are a treat to read and I'm grateful you share them with us!

I loved this piece. Definately one to add to the favourites.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks. Can't really promise I'll write forever for this fandom, but I do like it here and love the show, so I think you'll have to suffer me a while yet.

Anyhoo, glad you liked!

[dominique012.livejournal.com]

Beautiful and poignant. Really liked the way you wrote the character of the TARDIS. Loved the style and the amazing final section.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much :)

[canadian-kazz.livejournal.com]

Yay! I've been waiting a long time for you to do a fic like this and you have not disappointed me. This was really beautiful. I liked your take on the TARDIS as a character with a heart and soul, learning about humans. Fantastic.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

What, waiting on a TARDIS-POV fic? I do love the TARDIS, but she's not exactly easy to write. But a request is a request, right?

And thank you :)

[nanogit.livejournal.com]

/me hugs the TARDIS

"
He closes his eyes, but his hands are around her waist and he's not letting go or pushing her away. Always half-way, the Doctor. Half a rebel, half a rule-maker. Half resisting attachments, half making them. Half a Time Lord, half trying not to be. Half the Universe's, half anyone he gives himself to. Half Rose's, half TARDIS's."
Word.

git the goddess

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks.

The TARDIS doesn't get enough hugs.

[brienze.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow. This story is completely brilliant in more ways than I can count.

I like whimsical!TARDIS and motherly!TARDIS, but the tone here is just perfect for a being who holds all of the time vortex inside her. This is the ur-TARDIS.

I noticed all of my prompt elements (with both Doctors! and bonus Jack!) but they fit seamlessly into the flow of the narrative you created. I've never seen a "five things" fic that has distinct parts but still reads like one story. There's POTW from the TARDIS's point of view, and banter and innuendo, and (at least to my deranged mind) TARDIS/Doctor shippiness in the last few sentences. You have concepts here, especially about human herds, premonitions, and time-awareness that have very much been on my mind lately... but you've made them real and powerful and ouchie, and all I was doing was to drive a big yellow truck through a plot hole that RTD left us.

I love this to pieces, and I'm feeling very awed and unworthy that you stepped in to write my prompt. Adding this to bookmarks and memories right now. Thanks!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you. I'm always worried when writing on request it'll end up being something the requester just didn't want. So I'm glad to hear you found something to enjoy.

Humans are so herd animals too. At least so I've always supposed we must look like to anyone who tried to analyze us without a huamn framework. We certainly follow like sheep sometimes. Bææ.

And I did put TARDIS/Doctor hints in there, at least from a certain perspective. She is rather always going to be his twosome, whoever else he might meet and take along for a while. At least that's how it works in my mind.

Aaaaaanyway, thank you for commenting and pleased to know it did its job :)

[windsparrow.livejournal.com]

Beautiful!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[lyricalviolet.livejournal.com]

Wonderful, as always. You handle the TARDIS POV very well. How lucky are we to get two fics from you in this ficathon?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, I don't know if 'luck' was what I was thinking when I was banging my head on the keyboard, trying to think of an angle.

But anyway, thanks!

[cedara]

Oh, wow. This is great.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[sensiblecat.livejournal.com]

Can only add to all that's already been said - wonderful, poignant, believable, funny, all at once. The penultimate scene of them clinging on to what they know they're losing is beautifully done. You also happen to be one of those rare people who can write both Nine and Ten equally well and, harder still, convince the reader that they are the same person.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I imagine to the TARDIS, having seen him regenerate more than once, body and personality quirks would just not matter. He'll always be the Doctor beyond all that. Bit like a country stays the same, even if the seasons change the look of it. Tried to put some sense of that in this fic, at least.

And now I seem to have given myself a vague plotbunny. Ack

Anyway, thanks!

[littlemadame.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your hard work. I hope you do not suffer any long lasting damage from the head to keyboard banging.
It is a lovely fic. You had me in tears there:
"I said I wouldn't just leave her behind," he says quietly, hands already busy on the console. "I need to say goodbye."
*sobs*
Anyway, well done and I am looking forward to the result of your next plot bunny!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

My head is hard from all the Viking helmet-butting. Have no fear.

And thank you - I have a number of plotbunnies at the moment, so which one I will actually write next, I don't know yet.

[greyladybast.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[anybodybutsara.livejournal.com]

I do not watch Dr. Who...I vaguely remember it from many years ago, but I don't think I watched even then...I'm not sure why...It seems to be the type of show I gravitate towards...But good writing always captures me...Well written prose, textured symbolism, simple yet complicated dialogue...I have a weakness for it...I doubt I will watch the show any time soon, but I enjoyed this and don't think my not having watched diminished my enjoyment or ability to follow...Quite lovely...

ABS;)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

The new revived Doctor Who is pretty awesome and has lured in many new fans. Worth checking out if you ever get deseperate for something new to watch.

And thank you - though I do think some of the subtext possibly passed you by, since I did allude to various plotpoints from the episodes.

[firefaery2.livejournal.com]

Oh, that was so gorgeous.
I love how it's all from the TARDIS' point of view, with sure wonderful exploration of both Rose and the Doctor's characters.
Thank you, that was fantastic to read.
:)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reviewing :) I'm glad you enjoyed.

[aibhinn.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh. Oh, wow, I just can't begin to find the words to say everything I want to say about this fic. I could say "beautiful and lyrical," but I say that about all your fics, and there's something more to this. There's a poetic depth here--multiple layers like gossamer webs, so that when you tease one aside there's another one beneath. This is why I don't write poetry: because getting that depth is so difficult. This is why I love your writing: because you succeed where I fail.

Brava.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much - though I can safely say I totally suck at actual poetry.

[mickat24.livejournal.com]

Oh, Cam. Beautiful, as usual. Inspirational and insightful and touching. I wish I knew how to characterize and figure out these figures like you do. Bravo!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Thank you - writing is a lot about practice, though. My first fanfics were... Err, well. I'll show you one day and then you can laugh. Trust me, you started out much better than me.

[littlemissgg.livejournal.com]

...wow...

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks.

[hotarus-sister.livejournal.com]

Absolutely lovely. So many great lines and paragraphs. I was gonna list the ones that reallt stood out, but there are so many of them! Truly great.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'm pleased you enjoyed. Thank you.

[wintergreen126.livejournal.com]

wow. that was wonderful. i love seeing things through the TARDIS's perpective. and i especially loved the line, Knowledge is not understanding, the TARDIS understands. how true.

and you hit on exactly what makes the doctor a facinating character- you never stop learning about him.

thanks so much for sharing! have a good one :o)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a bit of a belief for me - you can know something and not understand it still. But it is the first step, basically.

Thank you!

[centaurea-m.livejournal.com]

i love this...SO much. Arg. as others have said, the detached-but-not-quite view of the TARDIS makes the whole thing kind of crystalline and perfect and sad. All beautifully written, but the lying-on-the-floor section and the war-of-wills kiss especially so. and the kind of speechless gap between the last two sections is lurchingly gorgeous. thanks for writing.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, what you don't see or write about can be as powerful as what you do, really. People tend to fill in the gaps in ways that are satisfying to them. Always seem to me better than to explain things to death. But preferences do vary.

Thanks!

[dominamia.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely fabulous.