I will never be silent: A pledge on sexual crime

[misscam]

Okay. Here goes.

I think quite a few have followed with increasing disgust the case of Josef Fritzl and his crimes in Austria. As more and more comes to light, it just looks worse and worse.

Several people knew his daughter had been sexually abused, yet did nothing when she disappeared.

Josef Fritzl has previous conviction for rape, as well being a susecpt for others.

This guy didn't just suddenly snap. He has a history. People suspected. And yet, he kept his daughter in a cellar for 24 years to father seven children with her, which means he must have raped her over and over and over. 24 years of silence.

That's shameful. And you know what? It's our shame to share.

Victims of sexual crimes get stigmatized. Sexual crimes are hushed, as if they are too uncomfortable to talk about. Most rapes are never reported. Yeah, effort are made and a lot of people are doing so much to raise awareness and some leeway has been made. But it's just not good enough because shit like this happen, and the number of reported rapes stay low.

We need to do better.

Hi. My name is Camilla. ('Hi, Camilla!') I was raped. I reported it. If I suspected it was happening to someone else, I would report it.

I will never be silent on sexual crimes. This is my pledge. I will not be silent. I will not blame the victim. I will not excuse a rapist. I will not think this is someone else's problem. I will not let anyone say 'well, maybe she wanted it' without telling the person off for being a fuckwit. I will not make a rape about the victim's sexuality, because it's always about the perpetrator's.

I will not be silent. This is my pledge, because I have to believe we can do better. We cannot allow silence to hide crimes.

I will never be silent.

How about you?

Comments

[lotus79.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear. I pledge the same.

*hugs you tight*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

It's funny how you feel so on top of your shit and then it manages to smack you straight in the face anyway. But I feel better having written it, honestly.

[lotus79.livejournal.com]

Life wouldn't be life if it didn't keep coming back and biting us on the butt. It sucks that for some battles, the only reward for winning is that we get to fight them all over again tomorrow.

[colorstoobright.livejournal.com]

It's not just with rape; there's a lot of hate and wrong going on in this world, and no one's standing up and doing anything about it. It saddens me.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Silence is easy. There's also so much of it it's just hard to know where to start.

Humanity. We got a lot to work on, that's for sure.

[colorstoobright.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Which is why I commend you so much for speaking up for those who had been raped. One step at a time, we can change the world.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I made a decision somewhat early on that if I was going to get through this, I would have to refuse to be shamed about it. I will like shit every time I talk about it, but at least I've won that, you know? That fucktard took my body, but I'm refusing him my pride. It makes it easier to live on then.

[melliyna.livejournal.com]

I pledge the same. For all the victims but particularly for my best friend, who was sexually abused by her babysitter. Human beings have to do better than this.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that. Did it get reported, and how is she coping now?

[melliyna.livejournal.com]

She didn't and what really enraged the hell out of me was how many people refused to believe her, refused to entertain the idea. Now days, she's coping reasonably well, actually I think incredibly well but there are some horrendous scars still left. And the reason she didn't report in the end, was because no adult she tried to tell would believe her. I did, but we were both kids, who no one would listen to and with no idea what to do.

Eventually I managed to get her to tell her parents, but by that point the guy had already gone to jail for another offence anyway. But that's why I can't stay silent because maybe, just maybe it will help some other kid be believed.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

That's so fucked up :( I'm sorry. And yeah, so many just aren't believed it's disheartening.

I hope she's managing well still. I mean, you do manage to get over it to a certain degree and have a good life.

[partly-bouncy.livejournal.com]

If I knew of that, I don't think I could keep quiet. :/ If some one told me that they'd been raped, I'd try to make sure they reported it.

(And on a completely unrelated to note, that sort of case is why I'm against parental consent for minors who need abortions. What if the parent is the perpetrator? Ug. No.)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Mmm. It is also important to understand how bloody hard reporting a rape is too, and why so many don't do it. It's not always easy - but if you see it happen, you can't just take the easy way out and ignore it. If the victim is adament about not reporting it, I am not in favour of just forcing it without consideration, but in cases where the victim is unable... Silence can mean the crime then just continues.

[partly-bouncy.livejournal.com]

If the victim is adament about not reporting it, I am not in favour of just forcing it without consideration, but in cases where the victim is unable... Silence can mean the crime then just continues.

There are situations where I could understand some one not reporting it... but if possible, then make sure they know other options. There are a number of services out there that can provide help that rape victims need beyond just the legal part. (Though silence is something tempting because if you meddle, sometimes, it can lead to making the situation worse for a person which is another reason why people don't.)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Sure, meddle can make it harder... But as this case proves, silence can be so totally fucking wrong and letting the bastard get away with it.

It's not always obvious what is the best option, but at least the victims should know they have some.

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

Yes. This is a really important point. I was raped by a family member. I didn't report it. My own mother didn't believe me when I told her; after the hell I went through with her, there was no way that I was going to the police.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

:( I'm sorry.

There is something supremely fucked-up about the fact that I feel lucky it was a stranger that assaulted me and I had bruises and cuts and I never had to face any disbelief. I don't know what I would have done if my own mother had done something like that.

The reason rape is underreported is exactly that shit. It's just... Yeah, even if I was believed it's an experience I still wanna cry thinking about.

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

You know, the funny thing is that I never let myself even feel my anger at her about it until my then-boyfriend (now-husband) heard my story and was just so horribly shocked about the way that my family reacted. For the longest time, I managed to convince myself that she was acting in my best interests, in some weird way.

And that's one of the things that's so awful about rape--for almost all victims, I think there's pressure on some level to minimize the experience so that *other* people won't be made uncomfortable.

Have you ever read Alice Sebold's memoir about her rape, Lucky? It can be kind of triggering, because it's graphic, but it's one of the truest things I've ever read about how other people react to knowing, loving, and living with a rape survivor.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

for almost all victims, I think there's pressure on some level to minimize the experience so that *other* people won't be made uncomfortable.

FUCK YEAH. That's actually very well put. It's just... WTF with the pressure and focus on the victim? The rapist is the fucktard. How about working harder on rapists feeling how unacceptable their crime is instead, society?

No, I haven't. I'll see if I have the spine to checking it out.

[falena]

I'm a very passive person by nature but some things are too inhuman to keep quiet about.
Thanks for reminding me.

[trialia]

45seconds

*hug*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Ah. There's an idea, thanks for the link.

[trialia]

Anytime.

I was groomed from the age of 12 to 15 before an attempted molestation; I won't stay silent on this one.

[everywhereto-me.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Sarah, and I was raped as well.

Never, ever will I be silent.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Hi Sarah. You rock.

[cincoflex.livejournal.com]

The pledge is a good one. Now for the pragmatic part--how to make a difference. I donate money to various charities but can up the amount. I can also voice my support for victims in various forums.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

There's lots that can be done fairly easily, I think. Donating to charities and various awareness organisation is one, but there's also just talking to people, because there is so much stupid in attitudes to sexual crimes still and often, people aren't even aware they're doing it. I really do think awareness is so very important, because attitude to the crime is a large part of why it's underreported. And as long as it is underreported, rapists get away with it and keep doing it.

[azaleyes.livejournal.com]

*raises hand*
I pledge the same.

Although I was not raped, I still feel I was "violated" (he was completely sober, I was completely, utterly smashed) at one point a few years ago, and I responded by keeping it inside and not really discussing it with anyone.
I didn't discuss it until 12/07 but I feel better getting my feelings out there now that I have.

[dune-drd.livejournal.com]

I was very elated when I found out that there really are people being concerned about sexual crimes. A woman actually offered to call the police when the fellow students threatened to tickle a friend to death. It was... wow, it was something I didn't expect in my town. But you're right, no one should look away. I promise to act, in which way I can, should the need arise.

[sweill.livejournal.com]

I take that pledge.
And I vow to do my best to raise my son to be a man who will take that plegde as well...

[evilstorm.livejournal.com]

Bruce Coville once wrote a magnificent story called "Am I Blue?" where one of the great gay fantasies was that every homosexual in world turned blue for a day, just so no one could pretend that they didn't know any and everyone would have to deal with it. Whilst I'm not sure it'd turn out well (though I love the story to bits), I'd like to suggest a fantasy of my own where every rapist in the world turned some funny shade of colour, too--purple or green or red, perhaps, since blue's already taken. We'd even have different shades of colour depending on how dubious the consent was, just to deal with the people who complain about grey areas.

But just imagine: no rapist would ever be able to hide, ever again. Everyone who knew them would have to see it. And you know there'd be enough of them that most everyone would have to admit that they knew a rape victim, too. No more tucking away the dirty secrets under the carpet, or hidden private shame. No more sacrificing that child of Omelas for the peace of mind of everyone else.

God, I wish it could happen. In the meantime, I might go scream at people some, until the message gets through.

[dawning-star.livejournal.com]

I won't be silent.

[wendymr.livejournal.com]

I don't know - in RL - anyone who was raped, or at least no-one's actually said to me, even though I suspect some of my clients from war-torn countries probably have been. I do, though, meet women who are in relationships where there's at the very least emotional abuse. I'm deliberately making myself more aware of resources to help women experiencing abuse of all kinds and finding strategies to get my clients to talk about it so I can refer them for help.

I'll take your pledge too, and do my best to support any rape or abuse survivors I meet in the course of my job or my life. Good for you for speaking out - you have no idea how much I admire your courage!

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

As I told you, I knew about the neighbors. I also knew about the matter in the Sixties. But reading those details, and realizing the amount of disastrous silence...

I won't be silent. Never.

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

IAWTC

I still can't get over that he kept her in the basement for longer than I've been alive. D:

[tinwetari.livejournal.com]

Well put. I pledge the same.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

For my nieces, I join your pledge.

[neongreenleaf.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Nellie. I have never been raped *knock on wood* nor do I know anyone who has been *knock on wood*. I do, however, know way too many women who have been harassed and mistreated, and I will not stand for it. You are not allowed to touch or be near anyone unless they allow you to. I will, and have, fuck up any assholes who decide it's ok to disrespect women, so do *not* take my warning lightly.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Tracey. I was molested twice when I was thirteen, and a friend of mine was gang-raped and lost her mind when we was sixteen.

Never, ever will I be silent.

[siraj.livejournal.com]

I pledge the same. I was molested at 3 years old and my own parents didn't believe me until months later when the news came up that he'd been arrested and convicted on something like two dozen other counts.

And my friends wonder why such a "nice guy" like me wants nothing more than a rusty butcher knife and 5 minutes alone with these bastards.

[bloodanna.livejournal.com]

For my half-sister and all the other strong, beautiful women I've met on the internet I also join your pledge.

[tilly-stratford.livejournal.com]

Bravo. I won't.

I won't be silent.

[rivrea.livejournal.com]

*applauds*

Fortunately, I have never had to deal with any form of sexual harassment or sex crimes in real life, but should it ever come to that, I won't stay silent.

[distaff-exile.livejournal.com]

I am raising a toast to your pledge and signing my name right here.

I am the daughter of a survivor. I am a woman in a world that would very much like to remove my sexual freedoms in the name of "protection".

This is never "someone else's problem" because rape affects entire communities. This is never the victim's choice or fantasy. I refuse to sit back and let that misconception run wild.

It is my problem. So I'm going to damn well speak up.

M.C. Dechant

[adoraheatherly.livejournal.com]

I'll make that pledge right along with you, Cam. Your strength, openness, compassion and honesty on this issue are amazing and I wish more people would learn from your example. *hugs*

[shadowednavi.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Tricia. I was almost molested by a cousin of mine when I was a kid. Both my mom and her sister were assaulted when they were about my age.

It's their choice whether or not they're comfortable sharing and making the same pledge (I shared with mom and she didn't have much to say), but I pledge to stay vocal if the same were to happen to me.


You've gotta be careful with this, though. 99% of honest people are screwed over when 1% of liars step up (yay for random statistics, but you know what I mean). I don't denounce anyone's pain here, but people who are blamed who didn't do anything (i.e. "victim" is lying) can be just as traumatized...

[miladygrey.livejournal.com]

For my near miss, and for my friends who were not so lucky, but who are still some of the bravest, strongest women I know.

Never, ever will I be silent.

[miss-andromache.livejournal.com]

I will definitely take that pledge with you. I've been open mouth, disgusted over the Fritzl case, but I've also spent a lot of time thinking about this one that happened recently in my suburb.

Apparently there was someone that might have seen what happened, and that, like what you're talking about with Fritzl puzzles, upsets and disgusts me, to think that people could turn away.

I think I might add to my pledge, that I promise never to assume that someone else will report it and I promise never to just assume that I've misinterpreted a situation. I'd like to think that if I'd been in a passing car while that was happening that I would have reported first and felt bad if I'd been wrong second. Better to be safe than sorry.