A rant on consent, CSI, that song everyone is talking about, in other news

[misscam]

So, there's this secret over at f!S (direct link) and this date rape joke in a movie and I get strong urges to rub my temples. But instead I'll go on a minor rant about consent.

Consent IS:

- Verbally and voluntarily expressing variations on "I want to have sex with you"/"Lets shag!"/"Oooh, fuck me!"/"Please stick your penis in my vagina" etc etc etc.
- Non-verbally expressing the same. As it's non-verbal, misunderstanding and linguistic mishaps can occur, so if in doubt, just ask.

Consent is NOT:

- Retroactive. After saying no or expressing doubt in advance and/or during, being 'okay' with it after is not consent. That's quite possibly the other partner being manipulative, a desire not to feel like a victim or a myriad of other potentially quite troublesome reasons.
- Uninformed. If you don't know what you're agreeing to, that's not consent. Hereunder if you're too young/drunk/otherwise out of your mind/mentally disabled.
- A lifetime pass. Just because someone said yes once, doesn't mean it applies for eternity. Consent is for then and there.
- An override. The moment someone says 'no, I don't want to do this anymore' it doesn't matter how consenting the person was in advance.
- A reward. It's not something you earn by taking a chick on a date, being a nice guy or something you suddenly have a right to though effort to get it. It's GIVEN, not earned.

/rant over

In brighter news, I guess everyone and their grandmother has seen Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent, right? (Over 20 million YouTube hits, so I guess so!) I knew in advance she'd be good when I looked at the clip, but damn. The Telegraph has some more on her. Given her lifestory, I can't help but wish her well. Be awesome!

CSI had awesome murder-at-Sci-Fi-convention episode - first one I've watched since Grissom left. And I enjoyed it heaps. Some BSG people in it as well, including Ron Moore going "you suck!" at someone wanting to 'reimagine' an old SciFi show. Hee. But man, didn't quite feel like the CSI I used to watch, with no Grissom, no Warrick and no Sara. I guess that's why it takes a special episode to get me watching these days. Oh, CSI as you once were to me, I miss you.

I miss mah BSG too :( I wish I could take over the world and order it to come back and be awesome. Shut up, I can be delusional.

In other news:
- Actual snakes on a plane!
- Booted Illinois governor to become reality star? Um, yeah.
- BNP claims Jesus would have supported them. Um, no.
- Norwegian officer killed in Afghanistan.
- Pirate Bay founders found guilty.
- Scottish police have eight Jedi officers. Hee.

Comments

[phdelicious.livejournal.com]

Oh man that secret makes me sick. I had to walk away during the episode.

I'll have to check out the CSI.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I won't watch that episode. It'll probably be triggering and I'll just save myself the grief.

I really liked the episode! Hodges and Wendy were pretty central, if you like the lab geeks. And bonus mention of Grissom.

[phdelicious.livejournal.com]

Yeah, probably best if you don't watch it.

I could go for some lab geek fun. Plus well done con eps are amusing.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Eugh, that movie was being trailed in front of every film I saw last month and the "hilarious" date rape scene's in the trailer.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

DO NOT WANT.

I know I'm sensitive about it and all, but certainly things I just can't find funny, at least when it's played like that.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

The episodes that center around Hodges are the only ones that "feel" like the original CSI. It's not even Grissom I miss, it's that it used to be a show about people who loved their jobs.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

All the love of the geeky stuff. Yeah, I know what you mean. Show was starting to lose me way before the characters I mentioned left, really. My interest just waned, but I did still care about the characters. But when half of them were gone too, there wasn't that much left to hold me.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

But when half of them were gone too, there wasn't that much left to hold me.

It's turned from something I watched to something that's on in the background - except when Hodges is on. If he comes more to the fore, I'll be happy.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

I never thought I'd be shocked at hearing about something in a Seth Rogen movie--that whole Judd Apatow crew has been engaged in pushing the envelope so long that they don't notice they put it through the shredder long ago--but I'm genuinely aghast at that. Teenage boys are going to be seeing that trash and thinking it's funny, and I don't want to know what'll happen when they attend a party where some girl gets drunk out of her mind. Because what they're thinking has now been validated by one of their "comedic" heroes. How could the director and crew think that's in any way okay? How could any movie critic ignore the fact that it's rape? It makes me sick!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

On one hand, I don't want to say anything is beyond making a joke because - well, life is often shit and humour is a way to cope and a lot of this is so very subjective, too.

But on the other hand - there is enough shit out there about date rape not being 'really rape' and there doesn't need to be more. Ugh.

[cely.livejournal.com]

I wish I could take over the world and order it to come back and be awesome.

You would have thousands of fangirls worshipping at your feet!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

And probably I'd piss some off too by having it my way ;)

[evilstorm.livejournal.com]

Well summed up regards consent.

I get the joke in that movie, but I am horrified at how legitimizing it's going to be for the hordes of young sprogs who rock up and watch it. It may be blackly funny on an intellectual level (well...if you're a sick twisted bastard like me), but guys that is seriously, seriously crossing the line wrt media responsibility. Aagh.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I just... Feel so iffed about that given what attitudes are out there concerning date rape. This doesn't help.

[adoraheatherly.livejournal.com]

I really wanted to thank you for your comments about consent in this post. What you said here really helped me find the courage to write about something that I've been trying to express for a very long time and have been afraid to.

Immensely encouraging after years of being told that I wasn't really raped because I didn't do everything I could to fight it off. :/

On happier topics, Susan Boyle is awesome! What a beautiful voice!

[jaded-chord.livejournal.com]

Well said, regarding consent. I mean, that film? Yeah...just yeah. *headdesk*

Oh, and I loved the CSI ep. I stopped watching after Grissom left too, but I had to tune in for this one. Lab rats, sci-fi conventions, and appearances by Ron Moore, Kate Vernon, Grace Park, and Rekha Sharma? FTW.

I miss BSG and the old CSI like whoa. Sigh.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was a good episode. Made me miss season one and two of CSI a lot, though. Sniff :(

I laughed at Ron's "you suck!" like a loon because I'm easy. Guessed Kate was the killer fairly early on, though. It seemed typical CSI that she would be.

[kappamaki33.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the comments on consent. I'm a law student, and studying how American criminal law has evolved in terms of sex crimes has really demoralized me as of late, reading the opinions of judges (!) who actually thought some or all those things you listed were legal consent not too long ago. Thankfully, current law is much, much better in most jurisdictions, but...ugh. It's sad that something as simple as consent needs that much clarification, but it does, so thank you.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

American law, huh? Well, good luck with your studies. I'm Norwegian, so I don't know fully how the US is doing in that area, but I know our law system has been trying to improve - there was a fairly depressing report some time ago on reporting precentage and conviction rates on rape. Still got long ways to go. And Norway's actually a bit better than a lot of places.

Ugh, as you say.

[alpha-hannah.livejournal.com]

I don't comment often, mostly because you're a little intimidating (I don't mean for that to be an insult, what I mean is that your posts are always intelligently worded and I don't think I can compete. I therefore often agree but don't reply). That said, I felt this one was important to reply to...

So, thank you for this post, I sort of wish I hadn't clicked the links at the top but am glad that the huge swathe of comments kicking that FandomSecret happened.

Being in the UK, I'm not sure when that film will come out but I shall definately cease going to the cinema for the two months prior and it's duration of showing. The cinema costs enough as it is without having to leave during the trailers.

~Hannah

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh, lurking is fine - but it's always nice to get comments, even if they are just agreeing. Makes it feel less like writing into a vacuum, I think.

Yeah, a lot of people did call that secret out (a few crossing the line a bit in doing so, I felt), though some agreed with it too. Which is just depressing :(

I don't know when the movie will be out in the UK, but the trailer is apparently R-rated, so would only be shown in front of fairly high-rated movies. I think you should be able to avoid it.

Thanks for commenting :)

[laurandbillever.livejournal.com]

hey, I liked Pirate Bay.... :( i downloaded BSG from there....

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Oh, there will always pop up new places. Still, pays to be a bit careful online.

And the Pirate Bay people have appealled, so we'll see what happens there.

[laurandbillever.livejournal.com]

It is becoming interesting...

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

*SIGH*

I was in the relative minority that thought "Alesha" was a decent but flawed episode, and I just knew that the hardcore fail would come from fandom. Although I was expecting it in the form of fic where Jamie Bamber heals Alesha's angst with his penis.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I hate that in fanfic so, so much.

Though I did write Lee/Martha where shagging cures a bit of emo for them both. Ooops.

In general, rape seems to bring the fail in so many ways. Sigh.

[agentsara.livejournal.com]

Gotta agree with you about CSI. Grissom was just the life of it...now I only watch it to see the occasional pretty Nevada landscape. :-P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If I want pretty landscapes, I watch nature documentaries ;)