Cam's Open Letters to Various Teams

[misscam]

Dear French football team,

What in the Niflheim was *that*? You lost to Greece? To *Greece*, who has been in the European football championship a grand total of two times? You, the defending champions? And what was with the pathetic attempt to score an equalizer in the last ten minutes? No intensity, no last minute storming of all available men, no desperate last stand. You just gave up! For shame!

Not so much love,
Cam

*****

Dear Greek football team,

Much love and praise to my favourite underdogs. But please, please don't make the Greeks celebrate so much they forget to build on their Olympic stadium. We still want the Olympics in August.

Love,
Cam

P.S Your goalkeeper is kinda hot.

*****

Dear English football team,

Don't whine. 'Tis very unattractive. You just weren't good enough. It happens. Better luck next time - perhaps if you don't assume you will win it every time you might not tense up so much? Just a friendly advice.

Kudos on your fans behaving this time around.

Comforting pats on the back,
Cam

P.S Get Beckham off the penalty-kicking, already.

*****

Dear Portugese football team,

Yes, you won. Hurrah for you. But you use longer time to score than I do to get up in the weekends. For the love of Odin, stop being too fancy and instead try to hit the bloody goal. It's that square thing guarded by a guy in gloves. Also, Figo, stop sulking like a spoiled Malfoy. So you got substituted in two games. Big whopping deal. You weren't that great, you know. And your substitute actually scored.

Slight love but some annoyance,
Cam

*****

Dear Danish and Swedish team,

please, *please* win your upcoming matches.

Many wishes and offers of ritual sacrifices in your honour,
Cam

*****

Dear Bush team,

Boo!

No love whatsoever,
Cam