More mayhem!
Jan. 26th, 2005 05:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamCunning Plans Gone Awry
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Eight
Boromir was hummingly happily to himself, enjoying a relaxing relax in a hammock and scribbling idly on his eulogy. He planned to haev it printed in all 'newspapers' in this world. If they didn't get the point then, there really was no hope.
The girl by the treetrunk shifted slightly and without looking up, he gave her a light whack on the head with the eulogy (which numbered 3478 pages so far). She made an 'ompf' and fell silent again.
The cell phone rang. It took him a few seconds to figure out what to push and he was almost tempted to toss it at the tree, but Sean might not like that.
"Boromir of Gondor, Dead, Dead and Dead, who am I talking to? Ah, hello, David Wenham. No, Sean Bean is not at home at the moment. Yes. Yes, I really am Boromir. Do you have my brother there? Thank you.
"Faramir! How is Australia? Aha. New Fangorn? Aha. Forming a New Ithilien? Yes. Yee-ees. No, all is quiet here. No, some girl named Susan showed me the way. She thought I'd set you up with her and David in a lovely threesome for the trouble. No, Éowyn, I wasn't planning on actually doing that. Stop hissing at me. The girl's safely knocked out here. Yes. Yes, I will tell Sean you called, David. Don't give my little brother too much beer."
With a sigh, Boromir hung up (or at least he assumed he did, surely knocking the phone against his shield wold hang it up) and went back to his eulogy. He needed more synonyms for 'dead', he realised.
*****
The white car sped by her and nearly knocked her off her feet, leaving Vanessa to hiss angrily after it. It paid no heed and sped on, the licence plate ploudly displaying 'Wizard1'. It was only then she realised her hands had turned sparkly white. In fact, so had parts of her hair.
What the...?
The next car came to a halt next to her and a girl stuck her head out. "Did a fast white car pass by here? You look Gandalf'ed."
"Um, yeah."
"Thanks," the girl said, then leaned forward and whispered very fast."PleasehelpKingThranduilhasgoneinsaneandischasingOrlandoBloomcallhelp!"
"Huh? King What? Did what?" Vanessa asked, then realised the magic name had been mentioned. "Orlando Bloom, the delicious Elf?"
A few moments later, she found herself somehow hanging from a flagpole with a banner of "Orlando Bloom is not Legolas" stapled to her clothes. She had plenty of time to ponder what had happened, but alas, she never quite figured it out.
And the white sparkle didn't go out of her hair, either.
*****
Lina was eyeing Gollum carefully, listening to every snore to judge whether or not he did in fact sleep. She did not trust him. No sane people did. Which made Any Serkis rather insane for inviting Gollum to tea and then sleep-over.
But the little Ring-corrupted-Hobbit did indeed seem to sleep, and she readied her sack, getting ready to bounce when...
"Hello, Lina."
She screamed, then quickly covered her mouth. But Gollum seemed not to hear, for he merely snored. Turning, Lina found herself face to face with Miss Cam.
"Um... Hi."
"Trying to catch them all by force?" Miss Cam asked. Normally, it was the kind of remark delivered by amusement, but Miss Cam merely sounded tired.
"Something like that."
"Ah. Maybe you'd like to help out in an easier way that doesn't involve getting your elbows bitten by Gollum?"
"Yes, please."
"Here's the plan..."
Gollum snored again and turned over, clutching Andy Serkis's pillow tighter and dreaming of dancing Rings. Life was sometimes good even to Corrupted Hobbits in Tiny Loinclothes.
And in his bathroom, Andy Serkis was still wondering which pill would make everything sane again.
*****
"Now, let's make this clear again," Glorfindel said calmly to the struggling sack. "We're here to talk. Just talk. For instance, I would like to talk about my non-part. I realise you cutting me out of the movie saved me lusting fangirls. I could maybe even thank you for that. But my horse... *My* horse!"
The sack made a sound that could have been "sorry."
"I would like a few words about my death and all the fangirls this cost me," Haldir said calmly. "Especially since this was never in the book. Do you realise how attractive tragically dying makes one? I have girls wanting to tongue-kiss me back to life, claiming it to be an ancient Elven resurrection spell."
The sack made another "sorry."
Denethor made a snort. "And we two are going to talk about *everything*."
And in the distance, Saruman eyed the incoming police choppers with a slight crack of the knuckles. Oh yes. It was time to be Many Colours.
a.k.a. The OFUM Chapter That Never Was (But Did Happen)
Part Eight
Boromir was hummingly happily to himself, enjoying a relaxing relax in a hammock and scribbling idly on his eulogy. He planned to haev it printed in all 'newspapers' in this world. If they didn't get the point then, there really was no hope.
The girl by the treetrunk shifted slightly and without looking up, he gave her a light whack on the head with the eulogy (which numbered 3478 pages so far). She made an 'ompf' and fell silent again.
The cell phone rang. It took him a few seconds to figure out what to push and he was almost tempted to toss it at the tree, but Sean might not like that.
"Boromir of Gondor, Dead, Dead and Dead, who am I talking to? Ah, hello, David Wenham. No, Sean Bean is not at home at the moment. Yes. Yes, I really am Boromir. Do you have my brother there? Thank you.
"Faramir! How is Australia? Aha. New Fangorn? Aha. Forming a New Ithilien? Yes. Yee-ees. No, all is quiet here. No, some girl named Susan showed me the way. She thought I'd set you up with her and David in a lovely threesome for the trouble. No, Éowyn, I wasn't planning on actually doing that. Stop hissing at me. The girl's safely knocked out here. Yes. Yes, I will tell Sean you called, David. Don't give my little brother too much beer."
With a sigh, Boromir hung up (or at least he assumed he did, surely knocking the phone against his shield wold hang it up) and went back to his eulogy. He needed more synonyms for 'dead', he realised.
*****
The white car sped by her and nearly knocked her off her feet, leaving Vanessa to hiss angrily after it. It paid no heed and sped on, the licence plate ploudly displaying 'Wizard1'. It was only then she realised her hands had turned sparkly white. In fact, so had parts of her hair.
What the...?
The next car came to a halt next to her and a girl stuck her head out. "Did a fast white car pass by here? You look Gandalf'ed."
"Um, yeah."
"Thanks," the girl said, then leaned forward and whispered very fast."PleasehelpKingThranduilhasgoneinsaneandischasingOrlandoBloomcallhelp!"
"Huh? King What? Did what?" Vanessa asked, then realised the magic name had been mentioned. "Orlando Bloom, the delicious Elf?"
A few moments later, she found herself somehow hanging from a flagpole with a banner of "Orlando Bloom is not Legolas" stapled to her clothes. She had plenty of time to ponder what had happened, but alas, she never quite figured it out.
And the white sparkle didn't go out of her hair, either.
*****
Lina was eyeing Gollum carefully, listening to every snore to judge whether or not he did in fact sleep. She did not trust him. No sane people did. Which made Any Serkis rather insane for inviting Gollum to tea and then sleep-over.
But the little Ring-corrupted-Hobbit did indeed seem to sleep, and she readied her sack, getting ready to bounce when...
"Hello, Lina."
She screamed, then quickly covered her mouth. But Gollum seemed not to hear, for he merely snored. Turning, Lina found herself face to face with Miss Cam.
"Um... Hi."
"Trying to catch them all by force?" Miss Cam asked. Normally, it was the kind of remark delivered by amusement, but Miss Cam merely sounded tired.
"Something like that."
"Ah. Maybe you'd like to help out in an easier way that doesn't involve getting your elbows bitten by Gollum?"
"Yes, please."
"Here's the plan..."
Gollum snored again and turned over, clutching Andy Serkis's pillow tighter and dreaming of dancing Rings. Life was sometimes good even to Corrupted Hobbits in Tiny Loinclothes.
And in his bathroom, Andy Serkis was still wondering which pill would make everything sane again.
*****
"Now, let's make this clear again," Glorfindel said calmly to the struggling sack. "We're here to talk. Just talk. For instance, I would like to talk about my non-part. I realise you cutting me out of the movie saved me lusting fangirls. I could maybe even thank you for that. But my horse... *My* horse!"
The sack made a sound that could have been "sorry."
"I would like a few words about my death and all the fangirls this cost me," Haldir said calmly. "Especially since this was never in the book. Do you realise how attractive tragically dying makes one? I have girls wanting to tongue-kiss me back to life, claiming it to be an ancient Elven resurrection spell."
The sack made another "sorry."
Denethor made a snort. "And we two are going to talk about *everything*."
And in the distance, Saruman eyed the incoming police choppers with a slight crack of the knuckles. Oh yes. It was time to be Many Colours.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 10:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:31 pm (UTC)Where's the text on that icon from?
no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 08:31 am (UTC)I saw a star rise high in the
Evening sky,
It hung like a jewel,
Softly shining.
I saw a star fade in the
Evening sky,
The dark was too deep and so light died,
Softly pining.
For what might have been,
For what never was.
For a life, long lived
For a love half given
Obviously, it's the English translation of the Elvish. That whole scene in Butterflied just seemed very MovieVersion!Aragorn/Arwenish to me. Like they came close, but missed. *sigh* The eternal angst of Grissom and Sara.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 12:06 pm (UTC)You have no idea how much I want to read that..
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 12:00 am (UTC)... ... Yeah, that'd make you sane, all right.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-26 09:16 pm (UTC)>> *Wants to lust after Thranduil*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 03:32 pm (UTC)Maybe if I just sort of stare at him admiringly at a distance....
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 01:34 am (UTC)Perhaps Glorfy, Denethor, Saruman and Haldir could make PJ re-shoot LOTR all over again? Canon would surely be restored.
Heh.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 03:18 am (UTC)Poor Boromir, and the elves, *snigger* its getting even funnier, I can see the mayhem.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-29 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-07 05:33 am (UTC)*quietly drools over Elf from safe distance*