A Little Nibble Here, a Little Nibble There...

[misscam]

"In every woman there is a Queen. Speak to the Queen and the Queen will answer."
- Norwegian proverb

Ten Things Cam Does Not Want to See in a Summary:

1. "I'm not good at summarys."
2. "I suck at summaries but story will be better!"
3. "Plz r+r!!!11!"
4. "Not a Mary Sue!"
5. "I know it's been done a lot, but I promise this will be funnier/better/more original."
6. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
7. "Random" and "humour" anywhere in the summary together.
8. "My first fanfic."
9. Mispellings
10. Caps Locks.

Oh, and - tada! Cam Recommends. My fanfic recommendation page. It's just got a few up yet, but there will be more. If you have a suggestion or two, let me know. Harry Potter recs will be done by my mysterious parter-in-crime. Shhh!

CSI drabble I wrote here. GSR. Fanfic update will follow when beta gets back to me.

An interesting article:
Why are a larger precentage of Europeans immune to HIV?

Pick a Meme!
1. Freakiest fandom experience. Scary, funny, weird or just plain insane. Spill it.

2. Worst summary you have ever come across. It burned. Share the pain.

Comments

[velocityofsound.livejournal.com]

Oh, The West Wing cooks up some really good ones.
Quoted as is-

My first fan-fic. Inspired by ReverendKillJoy's "Liar" and the Roy Orbison song "Crying"... spoilers for everything up to "Faith-Based Initiatives". AU, HEAVY TRAGEDY AND ANGST. 4 chapters, story is complete. Feeback is manna from heaven.
I would just like to note that the episode title is wrong, and due to the fact that I can read, I knew there were four chapters. But thanks for wasting my time.

Josh has a heart to heart with Stanely. Please RR need the moral support to get me through season 6. Dedicated to Lattlelady, Lystelle and Stargirl. Will write a sequal, based on season six if I get some reviews!
Shout-outs in the summary? For real? And what is a sequal, and who is Stanely?

I could play this game all day.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Can't have angst without the CAPS LOCK, I guess. Little Stanely, a West Wing mini. Aaaaw.

[fondued-jicama.livejournal.com]

1. Freakiest fandom experience. Scary, funny, weird or just plain insane. Spill it.
--I was reading a book peacefully, at night, and did not know my mother was on the back porch. She snuck up to the window silently and proceeded to scratch her fingernails down the length of it, making an orc-face. I don't know why...

The fanfic recommendation page is very cool. Maybe someone will recommend Babylon 5 stuff. ;) It won't be me, because unfortunately I haven't found any good B5 stuff...I suppose that's one of the pitfalls of a less-appreciated fandom.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

To amuse herself?

As for B5 fics - have you read "A Dark, Distorted Mirror"?

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

1. Freakiest fandom experience. Scary, funny, weird or just plain insane. Spill it.

I left constructive criticism on a story—a really bad songfic for Evanescence's "My Immortal." Was very nice about it; thought that it wasn't the sort of thing that the author would chase me down for. Long story short: I was wrong. Author's friends—four altogether—became upset with me for the review I left, and harrassed me over IM. Very scary.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Did they tell you all about how you'd broken her poor widdle heart?

[hadria.livejournal.com]

2. Worst summary you have ever come across. It burned. Share the pain.

"Okay, so everyone is younger. Each chappy or two is a separate stage in their lives. I know, the summary sux. It is better than it sounds. I SWEAR! It is written by my friend...lol. NSR...hint of teenaged GCR...:smiles innocently:"

It is better than it sounds. I SWEAR!

Alas, it wasn't.

And written by a friend? Right-o.

+ I get all tingly when someone uses one of my icons, which the eyefuckage one is, but you have it credited as being by someone else. I'm totally not anal about credit and couldn't give two shits about it but I'm just wondering if someone else claimed that they made it or something 'cause they better not be stealing my bandwidth too.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

In all my years of reading fanfic, I've never found "better than it sounds" to be true. And I've come across "written by my sister". Uh huh...

Oi! I wish I knew - I save all icons to my computer with a "by soandso" in case I ever desire to use them so I'll remember who to credit. Either this time I utterly blinked and lost my brain there and recorded the wrong name, or it was indeed represented with the wrong credit somewhere. I wish I remember, but I don't, I'm sorry. I fixed it on my userpic info, anyway.

[siraj.livejournal.com]

1. "I'm not good at summarys."
2. "I suck at summaries but story will be better!"
3. "Plz r+r!!!11!"
4. "Not a Mary Sue!"
5. "I know it's been done a lot, but I promise this will be funnier/better/more original."
6. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
7. "Random" and "humour" anywhere in the summary together.
8. "My first fanfic."
9. Mispellings
10. Caps Locks.


Seconded on all counts, especially number 3! Ugh...

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes. I always feel more like giving reviews to those who don't beg for it every other sentence.

Re: the ten

[kazaera.livejournal.com]

Amen. Amen.

And to #9: Misspellings of a character's name.

...I know I've had plenty of freaky fandom experiences, but can't think of one off the top of my head right now. Tomorrow maybe.

Re: the ten

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If I see a misspelling of a character name in the summary, I get out my mini list and hunt.

[iseeyoucam.livejournal.com]

Im thinkin bout u CAM plz talk 2 me

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*pats on the head*

[chem-nerd.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That icon hurts to look at. Now what did I do with my geeky!clipon!sunglasses?

[sekhmets-temple.livejournal.com]

1. "I'm not good at summarys."

I personally have issues with "summery". I didn't know that some people's fic was so...seasonal.

As for the memes:
1. Um...gee, I'm not sure if anything in those respects ever happened. At least, that I can recall. I'm getting more and more senile each day.

2. I'm happy to announce that the worst of the summaries I have encountered have been completely wiped from my mind. Please don't make me try to recall them. I'll need some intense therapy sessions otherwise.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*pats* Don't worry. I shan't. Today, anyway.

[ruth-the-sleuth.livejournal.com]

But you have to admit, the most heinous of all (twitchtwitch) is when they hold the chapters hostage until they get a certain number of reviews.

I mean, the poor little chapter down in the well with the deranged author--doesn't that image make you want to OMG SO GOOD!!!11!eleventy-firstbirthday!!1?

DERANGED AUTHOR: It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Honestly, ANYTHING for the poor thing's safety.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I know. "Five reviews or no new chapter!" Oh, how bereft I do feel... Bah. What are we, review slaves?

[maureenlycaon.livejournal.com]

1. The first one that comes to mind is my experience with Vagabond on the tolkien_slash mailing list, but I've beaten that dead horse into the ground. The second one? Oh . . . I suppose, being best friends for a year or so with a certain Highlander fandom writer, before she basically went a trifle nuts and then turned on me. I heard nothing further about her until last year, when I found her being wanked in Fandom_Wank as a now-notorious nutcase troll. Definitely an interesting experience.

2. Toss-up between these two:

From the Grey Archive: "Enter the Dragoness":

In an alternate reality, Middle Earth is again threatened by the evil ofSauron! But fate changes everything as the Gold Dragon in human form Shi Lung forms an elite force of female warriors and wizards who are all lesbians and love BDSM sex to protect the ring bearer, a young half-elf girl known only as Urchin. Can they destroy the 'One Ring' or will Sauron triumph?

I'm prejudiced in certain ways (objectively speaking, this is far from the ugliest summary in existence), but this really drives me nuts. "Arthas the Dire Wolf":

this is a story about arthas' childhood, and how he used to be a dire wolf. pretty short. kinda rpg/poem style. r/r!!

Why does this drive me nuts? Well, besides the obvious fact that the author apparently picked up her knowledge of the character from wandering in and out of the room while her older brother was playing it, it manages to insult wolves as well as Arthas. Plus, does anyone really want to think about the implications of King Terenas's son being a puppy?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You're quite the fandom oldie ;)

Just goes to show you don't need many words to bring the pain. Ow. And I think I saw that first one GAFF'ed. And did it ever deserve it...

[fixing.livejournal.com]

You've already seen my worst fandom experience (HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON CATH&GIL!!!!!)

And, er, I can't think of the worst summary I've seen, coz I never read them.

And oh holy heck, I love your GSR. Pets them!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yes. That was in fact what insired this meme ;) Did you hear back from Miss C/G Crusader, anyway?

Thanks. :)

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

2. Worst summary you have ever come across. It burned. Share the pain.

Oh... I forget the wording of the summary and my stomach's not strong enough to go looking, but basically, it was some slash story containing the following things I hated:

-the word "lover" (I despise the word "lover!")
-another "so-and-so is a pleasure slave, can his lover rescue him?" scenario
-another "Legolas, who is uneducated in the ways of love, gets a lesson from the Sons of Elrond" story
-ANOTHER "Elrond and Thranduil used to be lovers until the Last Alliance, now they're fighting when their realms really need to cooperate" scenario
-no fewer than four pairings or romantic groupings. Including completely random characters that were pretty much just thrown in for the hell of having another couple getting it on.

All in the same story summary, if my memory isn't making things up.

I didn't like, so I didn't read. :P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

How could all that fit in one summary?

Livejournal comments are working! Again!

[puredeadthingy.livejournal.com]

Anything that involves something like:
'Hilarity ensues'
A strong male character in 'a pink dress!!!!'
Character bashing just because
Karaoke (I once got sent one where they made Gimli sing 'Dirrty' by Christina Aguilera)
A songfic to 'My Immortal'. IT'S BEEN DONE. KPLZDAITHX.
A 'talk show'
'Bloopers'
The pain. The pain. *goes to swig Creme de Menthe Bleepka.

Re: Livejournal comments are working! Again!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

In a pink dress? Should I even ask?

[hippydeath.livejournal.com]

1. Freakiest fandom experience. Scary, funny, weird or just plain insane. Spill it.

I've just remembered this. Way back, I left this review for the most atrocious Legolas Mary Sue, complete with evil!Thranduil, angsty!Sue, the works. It wasn't a nice review, but it wasn't rude or anything, but the author(s) (they had a joint account) then proceeded to review every single one of my fics with
"I LOVE THIS IT IS SOOOENG GOIOOD I WANT MORE, MORE MOIR DAMNNIT THIUS S SOOOOOOOOOOO GOID IF U DOIUNT WRITE MOIRRE I WILKK 8NK ILL U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHGAAHAHAHGAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! PIKAcHU WILL GET UUUUU!!!!! =)=)=)=)=)=) NAH ONLYI KIDOING ITA REALKY GOD WRITYW MOOOOOOTRE!!!!~1~`1`~!!
LOTSLANDLOTASANDLOTSANDLORTS OF LUV!!!!!!!@" and "oMg!!!
tHaT wAs sO sAd!!!
iM sOOOOOOOOOOooooo gLaD aRaGoRn eNdEd uP wiTh aRwEn, tHeY r mEaNt 2 b 2gThEr aNd lEgGy sLeEpiNg wiTh bOyZ iZ YUCKY!!!!!
yEh, neWaYz, kEwL sToRy" and the like, and kept e-mailing me about how cool I was, despite the fact that I had, in essence called them a bunch of talentless hacks.

(apologies, but can't make that stuff up, they're copied and pasted from the reviews)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*blinks* That's English?

[meeta.livejournal.com]

I resent a lot of things in your list. Because somebody's first story could be really, really awesome, and me Amber have written two parodies with random and humour in them, and I happen to think they were brilliant in their own right.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Um, I'm talking about putting those lines in *the summary*, not the fics themselves.

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

I've seen one random humour piece that worked for all of three chapters. It was minimally six chapters long. While there are some things that should not be done to begin with, the fics that sadden me the most are those that pull off the first five chapters or so and suck you in, and then turn out to be utter crap later in the fic. *cough*The White Rod*cough* And there should have never been a sequal to "My Fair Barmaid." If only there was some way to innoculate decent authors against Mary-Sueism...