Cam's Shipping Meme O'WTF

[misscam]

I just spent an hour reading and enjoying this vintage wank: Draco/Hermione shipper's letter to JKR. (Don't miss the outline.) Classic. Oy vey. And here I was worrying about the insanity of CSI shipping.

Yeah, we got miles to go yet. But despair not, I'm sure with a little effort, we can get there. (Come to think of it, The Poster That Shall Not Be Named did talk about a letter she was going to send to TPTB of CSI about the rightness of various pairings. I smell potential, I do.)

Now my flist is a mix of all kinds of 'ship likers - latest addition is Greg/Sara, I believe - and there hasn't been any troubles yet here and really, I think the key is just being able to have a sense of humour about it all. And if all else fails - orgies. I've had lots of nice, serious discussions about various shippy scenes for the ships I like, both in books and TV. But sometimes, you just gotta be decidedly silly.

Thus I introduce - Cam's Shipping Meme O'WTF
Either a) Make up a ship, or pick an excisiting one if you're not afraid to be trampled on by followers of it. Write the most obnoxious, utterly WTF, non-logical-reason you can for shipping it and for bonus point, a truly hideous ship name with explanation of it. Picking real life people is allowed. Pick from any fandom, cross any fandom, invent any fandom. (But if you pick me, you are in danger of trout smacking.)
or b) Respond to such a ship post with an utter obnoxious WTF non-locigal rebuttal and creative, yet utterly insensible insults. (You can rebutt a rebuttal, too.)

If you need a starting point:

Legolas/Rumil is clearly Tolkien's brave introduction of gay Elves, a stunning metaphor for the effinity of gay in Middle-earth, as soft as a willow and as strong as Caradhras. This love is perhaps most clearly showcased in the title, Lord of the Rings, where L and R is capitalized, clearly showing what the book is truly about, namely L and R and the love and light of their togetherness that gave Frodo the strength to make it to Mordor. Legolas/Rumli is also known as RuLe, as it shall rule the future generations of Middle-earthian's perceptions of love.

And after you've gotten all that out of your system, go forth and write orgies sensible twuwub. If you're really, really inspired, include a taste in your post ;)

ETA: This might inspire you for Air O'Pretension

Comments

[bjam1402.livejournal.com]

"(But if you pick me, you are in danger of trout smacking.)" Well, that's just begging for it :P

Kamwaii, is my pairing of Miss Cam and AW. They're just so cute together, creating mischeif around the OFUs and PPC. The blue hue of his skin reflects beautifully off of the dark smoldering look of masochism in Miss Cam's eyes as another mini jumps a student. This pairing must remain a secret to the students(what's better to tease authority figures with, if not their one twu lurve) however all the readers(and watchers of the soon hit TV show!!111!) know that there is a burning fire between the two. One that not even a nekkid Faramir could pull apart.

Oh dear. Shall I start running now?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You, young lady, have the brain of a gaybashing panda in heat and see only the obvious beard cover. AW and Miss Cam are only pretending to be together, forced by evil PR people for the soon to be hit TV show, since the whole world is homophobic and would never watch anything where one actor is gay. AW beards Miss Cam while she secretly sleeps with Elros-the-sex-changed (which is hinted at in Canon through his name change and his longlivedness, since women live longer) and if you could fall for their fake and forced chemistry, you're clearly a plastic My Little Pony.

*smacks with a trout*

*readies a whale*

[bjam1402.livejournal.com]

*giggles* No smacking with a whale!!

*prances around a la Little Pony*

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

Ach du Scheiße. (Sorry, that was german and a bit rude...) Do you mean she really sent this unbelievable sorry effort of a letter to JKR??? And I read her Outline-points. I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have. My brain hurts and my eyes are bleeding.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I guess she did. I'm sure it amused JKR for hours. I know it would have if I'd gotten one of those. *shakes head*

Insanity, yay!

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I don't think there is such a thing as a pairing too outrageous for HP fandom. Really. Come up with any given pairing, and I bet that I can find a thread for it.

[adraefan.livejournal.com]

Your icon is AWESOME. Are the Socialists for Sirius?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Neville/Goyle.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Okay, you've got me, that's a new one.

However, I did find:

Neville/Dudley (Lost Toffee);
Neville/Percy (Lonely Insecurity);
Neville/Molly Weasley (Cinnamon);
Neville/Grandmother (Generation Skip);
Neville/Lucius (Fake Mustaches);
Neville/Mad-Eye Moody (Inconstant Memory);
Neville/Remus (Moonshadow);
Neville/Severus (Twisted Cauldron).

I also know a person who ships Bellatrix/Neville. She calls it Bellbottom.

In addition to being paired with Crabbe, Goyle shows up in Goyle/Draco (Ice Sculpture)and Dudley/Goyle/Giant Squid (Thugs and Tentacles).

...bad enough?

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

Anything Giant Squid is CLEARLY wank for the sake of wank, or else parody. Oh... the pain.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily. I've run into some Squid shippers who are SERIOUSLY into hentai.

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

*shudders* I could happily have lived my whole life without that piece of information. However, in gratitude, I shall now share a wonderful little gem from ff.net called 'The Boy with the Shiney Scar, A Poem'. Courtesy of reia, who stumbled across this... item... in her daily wanderings.

Don't worry, it's not Squid!pr0n.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Hah! I found a pairing that wasn't!

But those on offer are pretty head-scratching. Pairing just for pairing's sake, I guess.

[aervir.livejournal.com]

I have suddenly realized that a) JKR's office staff must be laughing their a** off somewhere and b) I am in urgent need of a WTF?!? icon...

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Though that one is nice too ;)

[roo2.livejournal.com]

Re: The Draco/Hermione letter...I hope she didn't really send it. I mean, there's stupid and then there's stoopid, and that letter was just idiotic. Gah.

I also find it interesting that the letter-writer thinks that Hermione will be paired with a guy by the end of the series. They're only going to be 17 at the end, right? That's still young. Me, I'd like ot see Hermione not paired with anyone. I'd like to see her as strong and independent and heading off for better things. As for Ron and his bazillion red-headed kids, it'd be cool if he was gay :-) Obviously the letter writer is stuck in very conventional thinking, despite her ability to find signs of OMGTwuWuv! where there are none.

And good for JKR for saying that Draco and Hermione won't end up together.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*nods* I don't mind having a few hints of romance here and there, as part of these kids growing up, but some of these shippers seem to think that's the point of the whole thing. Hello, Boy Who Lived, defying evil dark wizard, fate of the wizarding world, ring any bell?

[saraswathi-rani.livejournal.com]

*cracks knuckles*

Okay, there's a perfectly good reason why Draco and Hermione will never make it. That's because Hermione and Mrs. Norris are so meant to be together! Anyone with half a braincell or more can totally see it! Otherwise they're morons. Which is obvious, because, like, who has less than half a braincell? LOL!

Anyway, in Book One, you notice Ron and Harry saying all sorts of nasty things about Mrs. Norris and Filch. However, you never hear Hermione saying anything about her, do you? See, she cares about her dear love so much already!

In Book Two, you can really see their relationship build. Remember when poor Mrs. Norris was Petrified? Hermione was ever so concerned for her, much more than Harry and that idiot Ron. The way she worried about her- It was a Hr/Nor shipper's dream come true! Also, that scene when Hermione took Polyjuice- She turned into a cat. O_O;;; Ignore what JK said about her taking a cat hair by accident, that's just a blind. Hermione was really trying to turn into a cat so that she could go and shag Mrs. Norris blind! Unfortunately, that dumbass Ron had to spoil everything by finding her and taking her to the Hospital Wing. >_<

Honestly, why can't JK just kill him off, so that Hermione and Norrie can finally get rid of that obvious UST they're having? >:/

Also, notice Book Three. Hermione said that she wanted to get a pet. Did she get an owl? A rat? A tortoise? A bicorn? No, she got herself a cat. O_O;;; Come on, that's the most obvious sublimation of repressed sexual desires that one can ever hope to find in literature! Haven't any of you idiots read Freud? :O

Moreover, didn't you notice all those times when the Trio was caught not by Filch, but by Mrs. Norris when they were engaging in some sort of wacky hijink? Why would she continue to follow them in particular all the time, hm? Unless... She too returns those desires.

Remember how all of those moronic R/Hr shippers were so sure that Ron and Hermione would get together in Book 5? Well, they didn't. So, simple logic dictates that Hermione and Norrie would get together. Come on, Hermione's bushy hair would go wonderfully with Mrs. Norris's fur, they're both intelligent, and they both like cats. They're frickin' perfect for each other!!!

See, this is why JK said that D/Hr will never make it. I am eagerly awaiting the day when this obvious relationship finally becomes canon . If it doesn't, I will burn all of my HP books, as well as the books of my friends and neighbors, and file a big ol' lawsuit. Because like I said earlier, it's a fucking crime if JK doesn't let them get together.

*waves 'Fish (Breath) Is Good For The Brain' shipper flag and cheers*

I should totally write a letter to JK Rowling about this.

(Hey, may I post your challenge on GAFF? Or will you?)

[misscam.livejournal.com]

*sniggers* That outline made as much as sense as hers did, heh. (And the evil Norwegian in me is whispering pussy love...)

You wanna post it, go right ahead.

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I never saw this before! This, my friend, is the stuff of genius.

Can I marry you?

[saraswathi-rani.livejournal.com]

Can I marry you?
That depends. Will you wear a little cat mask and a tail at our wedding? ^_~

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

If we can invite all tinhats the world over, then yes. Although I don't know why I'd need to put a mask over my already-feline visage.

*serenely licks her front paw*

[saraswathi-rani.livejournal.com]

Sure we can. Tripzy here can be our guest of honor.

Although I don't know why I'd need to put a mask over my already-feline visage.
Reeeally now? Right, that's it. When's the happy date?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Do I get to be a bridesmaid, since the proposal happened on my turf?

[saraswathi-rani.livejournal.com]

Sure, especially since you have that strangely appropriate avatar on you. *stares*

Let's see, what would be an appropriate color for your dress? Puce? Chartreuse?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe. It's my Eurosong-New Vinland-trout avatar.

What's wrong with blue? I look nice in blue.

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

Blue? Why, blue is my favorite color! That settles it. Our bridesmaids shall wear psychedelic-toad blue!

[unendingreverie.livejournal.com]

I ship Merry/Eowyn.

I once found a Dudley/Harry story in which Dudley became a Christian and was harassing Harry about being a sinner... and sadly enough, the author was serious.

I write Eowyn/Gollum and Harry/Dumbledore when the mood strikes. =P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You Canon-breaker you :P:P

Eowyn/Gollum? When did the two even have a chance to meet?

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

Other than Rax (Rachel/Ax of Animorhs), I tend to ship canon, so I miss out on all the fun tinhattery.

But, okay... *Puts on Tinhat* Denny/Havvie is smart people love. Look at the icon, and then read this description: "his carven face with its proud bones and skin like ivory, and the long nose curved between dark deep eyes ... kingly, beautiful, and powerful ...." That's Denethor. Morphic twins, no? And what's better than twincest? OMGtheirloveissosnarky! */Tinhat*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

One does wonder how Vetinari and Denethor would get along... Pre slight bout of insanity, of course.

You need more sparkle in your tinhat.

[pennhothwen.livejournal.com]

You need more sparkle in your tinhat.

And it is at this moment that I find myself recalling, more clearly than ever, why it is that I do love you so very much, Cam.

It does strike me as odd that more crackpots haven't glommed on to the idea of RuLe and its ilk rather than the perennially boring Legolas/Aragorn. Just think of it! Gay wood-elves, nancing around nancily, spending lots of nancing time alone with one another out in the nancy woods, maintaining their long prettyful hair hour after nance-filled hour... and then there are the dungeons. Isn't it painfully obvious??

Vetinari. Denethor. Yes. *glues some more sparkles on her tinhat disguise*

[misscam.livejournal.com]

And it is at this moment that I find myself recalling, more clearly than ever, why it is that I do love you so very much, Cam.

I'm flattered, I think :P

It is indeed painfully obvious. I don't see why more go the way of nance. Maybe you should point the way, Prophet O'Nance.

*glues on sparkle too* red, white and blue. Since it's May 17th and all.

[b2wm.livejournal.com]

Ah, but you have to wear black for this ship. It's part of the Guild standards. Not that we would ever add color to it... Or gratutitious genfic. Never. Cough.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

It's not always a good sign when an author's pen name crack me up, but this time it is. Mind in the Ankh. Bwhahaha.

[hadria.livejournal.com]

You so know babydoll has sent off that exact same letter to Carol Mendelhson on behalf of Cath/Nick TWUWUB.

Anyway, I am going to tell you all about that sexy, sexy ship, the, uh, Grick. Grissom is clearly in love with Nick's chiseled jaw and Nick is clearly gay because of his girly scream in the upcoming promo. While Jerry Bruckheimer is a conservative twit whose shows are as heterosexual as they come, the Grick is there in plain view for all to see. Remember when Grissom confessed that "someone young and beautiful" offered him a second chance at a love life? And Nick was at a conference that episode? And then the next episode he came back? It's because Grissom flew away to Nick's conference and won his heart back and he had lots of fun testing out Nick's chiseled jaw that night and then Nick came back and since then, Grick have been secretely dating but everyone knows because Sara is trying to move on with her life and Warrick is acting all jealous and trying to make Nick jealous by sleeping with Catherine but Warrick doesn't know that Grick aren't just sleeping together, but are in love with each other and have made plans to run away to Canada and get married in between seasons 5 and 6. And it's all because of Nick chiseled jaw and gay scream. I have written this and this is true.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If she did, I want to see. In fact, I'd sacrifice small animals to see. SHOW ME!

Grick? It sounds like a disinfectant - "Can't get that semen spot out? Try new and improved Grick!"

I bow to the truth of your run-on sentences.

[autobadgirl.livejournal.com]

Just to join in the general asshattery...

How about Grecklie? (Grissom/Ecklie) behind all the snark beats the savage love of an entomologist for a lusty middle management toadie as a side note Hodges suspects and is deeply deeply jealous. The flirty banter about latex gloves, the macho confrontations, the fact Griss' grew a beard because Ecklie likes himself a bear. Screw GSR! Grecklie is the *real* OTP of CSI and I am organizing a flame war wherein the Grecklie Geckos (as we call ourselves) shall storm YTDAW and crash the board with our deeply profound and undeniable arguments about the symbolism of Grecklie within every single episode of CSI *and* CSI Miami (because that's how OTP this ship is Dammit!!!) any day now... *adjusts tin hat of world domination*

And I proudly--proudly I tell you--ship (and write) the original Wow!Wrong!Bad!Hot! ship on Alias, The OTP that is Sloadney! although the Nadia/Jack is nipping at its heels. So I have the know-how and experience to make this work I tell you.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for my medication.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Grecklie Geckos? Oh God, reminds me of an infamous badfic line "Don't complain to me when you knew from the gecko what it contained." (Meant to be get-go, obviously.) I guess this time we did know from the gecko.

It would probably liven up YTDAW, though. Bwhahaha.

I guess that's Sloadney in your icon? Yeah, looks about the shade of wronge.