On a more cheerful note...
Dec. 5th, 2003 04:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamAt least more cheerful than my recent 'high drama' posts (thank you all very much for attempts to cheer me up, justify my feelings and offers of support. I'll be all right and move on from it. It'll just take me a while, is all), one would hope. I hereby present the draft opening to Merry and Pippin's Short Stories of Slash and Other Naughty Narratives: The Tale of the Ringwraith’s Raunchy Revenge. (I somehow get the feeling this will be a loooong tale)
Also, I'm also looking for a proofreader. My usual isn't all that crazy about slash, so I thought I'd spare her. Any volunteers please give a hoot.
So, without further ado - the starting draft.
*****
It was a day like any other in Middle-earth, as Amber walked happily down the hill to the Green Pony. It was spring in the Shire, and the blue sky and bright sun seemed to promise a good summer.
But the hobbit girl wasn’t really thinking about the coming summer. The new neighbour had invited her over to elevensies, in the age-old tradition of sharing the first meal in a new house with your nearest neighbour.
The door opened even before Amber could knock.
“Can I invited you in for mushrooms and some whipped cream?” Andtauriel Longwood said seductively, wearing nothing but the whipped cream. She smiled.
“Surely,” replied Amber, who was wearing nothing but mushrooms.
The meal was mixed up in the traditional way before being consumed, for hobbits were a people of strong traditions. Later that week the whole neighbourhood would be invited for the traditional bring-your-slave BDSM barbeque.
It was such a carefree morning that no hobbit could envision any dark clouds on the horizon. Life was good, and orgies were plentiful.
But in a dark cellar in Bree, Vilinathraxes the Ringwraith Queen (she was mostly female, at least) were plotting evil schemes while spanking Tyellas, her human slave. Vilinathraxes had been running a highly admired House of Pain and Pleasure in Bree (the house had originally belonged to an Elf named Starfish, who was most famous for taking her love for trees to the level of having a long-term relationship to an Entwife. If that wasn’t pain, nothing was) ever since Sauron had fallen. It seemed a natural a career choice when being Evil Minion had fallen through.
“May you punish me harder, Mistress?” Tyellas asked. “Surely, I have been naughty enough for you to use your whip on me now?”
Vilinathraxes, who prided herself on her many creative uses of a whip that did not involve whipping, decided that was a good idea. Whip Application #12 always helped her relax.
A few hours and many tubes of lube later, Vilinathraxes went back to her evil scheming. Revenge had to target Men, Elves, Hobbits and Eagles, all deeply involved in the fall of Sauron. Preferably in one sweeping blow, as she had a very profitable business to engage herself in. The House of Pain and Pleasure offered more fun than Sauron, the naughty Maia that he was, had ever been able to offer on his lava lovebed, but Evil Minion was a commitment for a lifetime. You didn’t stop doing evil in His name just because he’d become a harmless cloud.
And Vilinathraxes had just the plan needed for Sauron’s revenge.
To be continued....
Also, I'm also looking for a proofreader. My usual isn't all that crazy about slash, so I thought I'd spare her. Any volunteers please give a hoot.
So, without further ado - the starting draft.
*****
It was a day like any other in Middle-earth, as Amber walked happily down the hill to the Green Pony. It was spring in the Shire, and the blue sky and bright sun seemed to promise a good summer.
But the hobbit girl wasn’t really thinking about the coming summer. The new neighbour had invited her over to elevensies, in the age-old tradition of sharing the first meal in a new house with your nearest neighbour.
The door opened even before Amber could knock.
“Can I invited you in for mushrooms and some whipped cream?” Andtauriel Longwood said seductively, wearing nothing but the whipped cream. She smiled.
“Surely,” replied Amber, who was wearing nothing but mushrooms.
The meal was mixed up in the traditional way before being consumed, for hobbits were a people of strong traditions. Later that week the whole neighbourhood would be invited for the traditional bring-your-slave BDSM barbeque.
It was such a carefree morning that no hobbit could envision any dark clouds on the horizon. Life was good, and orgies were plentiful.
But in a dark cellar in Bree, Vilinathraxes the Ringwraith Queen (she was mostly female, at least) were plotting evil schemes while spanking Tyellas, her human slave. Vilinathraxes had been running a highly admired House of Pain and Pleasure in Bree (the house had originally belonged to an Elf named Starfish, who was most famous for taking her love for trees to the level of having a long-term relationship to an Entwife. If that wasn’t pain, nothing was) ever since Sauron had fallen. It seemed a natural a career choice when being Evil Minion had fallen through.
“May you punish me harder, Mistress?” Tyellas asked. “Surely, I have been naughty enough for you to use your whip on me now?”
Vilinathraxes, who prided herself on her many creative uses of a whip that did not involve whipping, decided that was a good idea. Whip Application #12 always helped her relax.
A few hours and many tubes of lube later, Vilinathraxes went back to her evil scheming. Revenge had to target Men, Elves, Hobbits and Eagles, all deeply involved in the fall of Sauron. Preferably in one sweeping blow, as she had a very profitable business to engage herself in. The House of Pain and Pleasure offered more fun than Sauron, the naughty Maia that he was, had ever been able to offer on his lava lovebed, but Evil Minion was a commitment for a lifetime. You didn’t stop doing evil in His name just because he’d become a harmless cloud.
And Vilinathraxes had just the plan needed for Sauron’s revenge.
To be continued....
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-04 07:59 pm (UTC)*blink*
O_o
*blink*
I was wearing mushrooms? I'm not gonna even get into the why, but HOW? *is now confused and somewhat intrigued*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 08:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:yay!
Date: 2003-12-04 08:04 pm (UTC)Re: yay!
Date: 2003-12-05 08:56 pm (UTC)Thanks, O Stranger.
Offer
Date: 2003-12-04 08:13 pm (UTC)If you need someone who will find even the most minute grammatical error, it is I. I will proofread your chapter and scrutinise every single letter. I am also very concerned with how a sentence 'flows', so if it doesn't sound quite right I often reword it.
So...here's hoping when you said 'proofreader' you meant spell- and grammar-checker...
~Shada
Re: Offer
Date: 2003-12-05 08:58 pm (UTC)Re: Offer
From:Re: Offer
From:no subject
Date: 2003-12-04 08:16 pm (UTC)I'm crazy about slash ... but I don't know how reliable I am as a beta. If nobody better volunteers, though, I'd love to give it a read. (In the proofreading sense, of course.)
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 09:02 pm (UTC)Ishmael says 'mjau'.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-12-04 08:30 pm (UTC)I read your first OFUM (lovely), then I lagged behind and have not gotten to catching up because I have fallen head-first into Harry/Draco slash. *grins*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 09:04 pm (UTC)Harry/Draco slash, eh? Of the Harry-gone-bad, or Draco-redeemed kind?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 04:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 09:05 pm (UTC)Don't you have your own naughty stuff to write though? I see to recall nagging readers...
*gets out whip* Write! Be bad!
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 04:18 am (UTC)But apart from this, I think I'll enjoy this story.^_^
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 06:38 am (UTC)I''m already enjoying this story very much! But that was kinda inevitable. ;)
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 08:22 am (UTC)Oh.My.Gosh. This is so hillarious. Orgies aren't usually my kind of thing, but this one's just irresistible. *bowing down*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 09:07 pm (UTC)Reading it and liking it
Date: 2003-12-05 12:15 pm (UTC)*shrugs* mostly it's because I don't have qualms about any type of slash...and I mean any. *grins sheepishly* I spend maybe a bit too much time on Adultfanfic.net, Of Elves and Men, Lotr Lirimaer and...er...Library of Moria...means I have seen them all really, nothing fazes me.
Also...this is quite an interesting start you have here. I got a bit lost though with all the names...maybe if I started having more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night my head will clear up and I'll be able to understand the greater aspects of life...but for now, work and writing takes presidence.
Hope life goes well for you...it will...yes it will...chant the mantra 'It can only get better'...I'm doing it too, it works.
Be well!!
Tata
~Vana E~
Re: Reading it and liking it
Date: 2003-12-05 09:09 pm (UTC)And as I said before, I'd really like a British English proofreader if at all possible, but I'll keep your offer in mind.
Re: Reading it and liking it
From:Re: Reading it and liking it
From:Re: Reading it and liking it
From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2003-12-07 04:47 pm (UTC) - ExpandRe: Reading it and liking it
From:no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 03:34 pm (UTC)Should be "...was plotting evil schemes..". Unless Vilinathraxes is plural (don't want to assume anything!)
who was most famous for taking her love for trees to the level of having a long-term relationship to an Entwife.
Should be "relationship with an Entwife."
That's all I noticed on a quick read. Except that it was funny and kind of hot in spite of itself, that is.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 09:12 pm (UTC)*sniggers quietly*
Wasn't really aiming for hot, but whatever works for ya, I guess ;)
beta
Date: 2003-12-06 07:44 am (UTC)~Childe
(sin Livejournal)
ramidana@comcast.net
Re: beta
Date: 2003-12-07 11:23 am (UTC)One day British English shall concur the US *wraggles eyebrow conspiratorically*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-06 01:53 pm (UTC)Loving OFUM generally, by the way. And the PPC. And... yeah. *tries to hold back the gushing*
[lurk mode re-engaged]
no subject
Date: 2003-12-07 11:27 am (UTC)Thanks for the offer, but I'm going with someone who offered a bit earlier. Glad you enjoy OFUM - but you do know I have very little to do with the PPC, right? I mean, I host them and all, but it's not actually my creation (some people seem to think so, though I'm not sure why. Perhaps because OFUM and the PPC get linked quite a bit?)
And you should come out of lurkerdom. We need more loud Europeans on the list ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-12-07 12:43 am (UTC)I do hope we get the quintessential overblowing badslash descriptions of what characters (especially Vilinathraxes) are wearing.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-07 11:29 am (UTC)Hadn't really thought about clothes much (but I have a few utterly ridiculous looooong paragraphs of how angsty some characters are feeling), but I'll see what I can do. I'm thinking... polyester ;)
Songfics, you were saying?
Date: 2003-12-07 02:57 am (UTC)http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=793566
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=670232
And that was just with one quick sweep. I wonder what other treasures lie awaiting discovery.
Re: Songfics, you were saying?
Date: 2003-12-07 11:34 am (UTC)I mean, to a certain degree I like Savage Garden, but they shouldn't be let anywhere near LotR. And *twice*! That's just foul. One of them was like half lyrics, half story. Lyrics should never take up half your word count. Foul, foul, foul.
*shudders*
Re: Songfics, you were saying?
From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2003-12-07 04:56 pm (UTC) - ExpandRe: Songfics, you were saying?
From:Re: Songfics, you were saying?
From:SLASH ^_^
Date: 2003-12-07 02:49 pm (UTC)So . . . got anymore yet? *Grins* It's hilarious so far.
Re: SLASH ^_^
Date: 2003-12-07 06:09 pm (UTC)Warning - do not read in a quiet office
Date: 2003-12-10 02:41 pm (UTC)Especially do not read the line "...who was wearing nothing but mushrooms" while talking to someone else on the phone.
This has been a public service announcement. From Canberra, no less. We now return you to your regularly scheduled giggling.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-12 03:56 pm (UTC)Plus, am a Briton, and get annoyed at being called otherwise. Like "British Person", "Britian" "Brittan"...I've seen all the "Britain" minis one can >_