Miss Cam is sick. And sour. And rants.

[misscam]

Gaaaah.

I feel green. I spent yesterday throwing up. It's disgusting. And depressing. I'd cheer myself up if I had the energy. Instead, I shall write letters and rant a bit. Because I can.



*****

Dear weathergods,

Thank you for the lovely weather. Maybe next summer you'll give it before the summer is pretty much over and done with, yeah? Ta muchly.

*****

Dear Olympic sports commentators,

you suck.

*****

Dear certain OFU writers,

if you are to write a spin-off, is is too much to ask that you actually try to write better than the fictional badfic authors?

*****

Undeearest Bush,

please stop throwing 'evil-doers' about as if you are paid a buck whenever you say it. Evil is a powerful word. Use it with care or you will wear it out until it has lost all meaning and emotional impact and you use it about anyone you disagree with.

In fact, how about shutting up for a week or so? I'm going to get you for days and days when the bloody Republican convention start, so give me a week at least to mentally prepare.

*****

Dear champions of 'traditional values',

you do not decide what marriage is or isn't. Marriage has changed with society, religion, the passing of time and the meeting of cultures. There is no one way marriage has always been. Hell, until recently, marriage was not that much about love. Now it is. And love need not follow gender rules.

*****

Dear Olympic swimmers,

Mmm. Mmmm-mmm. Lovely swimming trunks. Mmm. Oh yes, and you swim well. Yep. I'm totally watching your atlethic abilities and am not ogling at all. Nope.

*****

Dear person e-mailing me,

#@!¤!!! Is it that hard to spell? Or ask when actually trying to get a favour off me? And did I ask to get every detail of your life? And lay off the pretensious attitude.

*****

Dear former friend,

a few choice words do not make past wrongs okay. I don't forget.

*****

Dear world,

ready to be ruled by me yet?



Anyone want to write a 'Dear Cam' letter? ;)

Comments

[bjam1402.livejournal.com]

Dearest Cam,

I agree with the swimmers. Yumyum. Watched any of the diving? You get lovely arse shots. ;) And I'm awfully sorry to hear about you feeling icky. I'd give you snugs, but I'm going away in a few days and would rather not get icky germs. :P And anytime you want to come over and rule America is perfectly fine with me. Could you maybe get rid of phone bills? That might be handy *looks at current bill* Ehehe... Do get better.

~Bjam.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Only the sycronised diving (there's an interesting sport for ya...), alas. But I'm sure there's many lovely wet arses to come in the Olympics.

Such a shame some Greek traditions were not brought on to the modern games - naked games. Mmm.

[neongreenleaf.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

Re: ready to be ruled by me yet?

When do you start? It would please me to be ruled by a woman who has impeccable taste in taste in men (Re: Olympic swimmers) then by someone who opposes men sexually all together. In fact, I think when you gain control, you should enslave the Olympic swimmers for the female populations' enjoyment (that is, if you allows slaves). Whatever the case may be, I and others will abide faithfully by your rules happily.

Cheers.

[bjam1402.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* Ehehe, that'd be nice, wouldn't it? Stupid 'decency laws'. Bah!

[fiendery.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

Yes, it's true. Olympic sports commentators suck. But there is much agreeing on the comment about the swimmers. The volleyball teams are nice too. However, the football teams are always fun to watch despite the bagginess of their uniforms.
Also, get better soon. As you can tell, the sentence is in the imperative and thus, is a command. So get better!
Fine, fine, I could always ask politely. Please get better soon, Miss Cam?

--Eruantale

P.S. The world recently wrote to me about this Miss Cam reign. Said something about needing a democratic vote in a committee to come to a conclusion about this monarchy business. It was really a rather ridiculous thing, but if you give another few months, I'm sure the committee will have bickered long enough to make a decision.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

There's a request I shall certain take under careful consideration. Probably needs a test run. Any volunteers to have said Olympic swimmers as eye-candy slaves?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Mustn't forget the various atlethics lads. Many, many fine specimens there.

As for the world - hmpf. If it doesn't want me, I'll have to start wielding lutefisk about and that'll get... nasty.

[the-indy.livejournal.com]

As long as you let me have my precious Canada, you've got my vote. ^_~

Hope you're feeling better soon. =)

--Dissolved Girl

[neongreenleaf.livejournal.com]

*raises hand* I! I will volunteer to undergo the grueling, horrific task of having the Olympians as my eye-candy slaves. I will do it for the sake of humanity!

[misscam.livejournal.com]

You're a noble, self-sacrificing individual ;)

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

To: Cam
Re: Dear World
It would be muchly appreciated if you took over the world before the US presidential election in November. Not to rush things, but judging what idiots the American voters (or should I say we) are, if you want to have a world to rule, you'd better hurry.
With that said, get well soon. :-D
--WfR

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh. I 'll probably be too busy fiddling with New Vinland to muck about with Canada. I'm sure something can be worked out...

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If Bush is re-elected, it'll just be much the sweeter to take over and kick him out. Mmmm. Bush-kicking.

Besides, the Americans deserve a chance to get to kick the Shrub themselves.

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

Ah, point taken . . .
If my mother is to be taken as an example, however, it'll be you doing the Bush-kicking. Enjoy!

[andy-longwood.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,
Would you please kill the mousepad on this computer I'm borrowing, as it has erased my letter to you four times now? Thank you.
-Andy

P.S. Lest I forget to send you the actual letter, Oy woman! Swimmers may be nice, but as I have yet to see them, did you see that Swedish flag-bearer? I have not drooled so much since the Cirith Ungol scene in RotK. And I am talking bookverse. That was a lot of drool, I tell you. Incidentally, might you know the name of this Swedish flag-bearing studmuffin, that I may smuggle myself to Athens and stalk/molest him?

[fiendery.livejournal.com]

Too many at one time. It drives a woman crazy, really. And also espouses a desire to get tickets to Athens and sneak in. Not that that would be an easy feat.

It's not a matter of not wanting you; it's the fact that after starting with the question of whether it should let you rule or not, it got into other various things like marriage and abortion, chicken first or the egg, and the question of whether spinach should be prohibited every Thursday. A very complicated and dirty matter, the whole lot of it.

[fiendery.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, how did the word "espouse" get in there?!

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

It could be worse. You could be listening to Bruce McAveney. Or whoever it is doing the commentary for Australia. What a pity the Olympics got all big money, and the ABC lost it - haven't heard a reasonably coherent commentary on the Olympics since about oooh... 1976 or so. Or at least one which doesn't involve the words "marvellous" or "special" as punctuation.

I'm with you on the swimmers, although for my money, the best eye-candy is the male gymnasts. This may or may not be due to my nationality - swimmers are "personalities" over here, and most of them turn into right whatsits fairly quickly. Male gymnasts, meanwhile, are expected to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, since they're going to have to find themselves some paid employment at some point.

Meg

[visp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I keep whining about they should that. Not all traditions are bad, and the nudity was definitely a good tradition.

[sasja-sokolov.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam:

While Olympic guys are not my drooling forte (except the Russian gymnasts and a few of their skaters), I can appreciate a nice swimmer's behind.

P.S. neongreenleaf's slave idea is good. If I may be allowed to substitute Olympic swimmers for a few musicians, I would be very, er, pleased. I'll even recant saying Love Actually is a bad movie. ;P

[mademoisellenon.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam,

my LJ phenomenally sucks and blows because it deleted my comment which is probably a good thing b/c of the mistakes *innocent look*. Apologies, I am half-asleep while writing this. Anyway, I'm sure the comment was e-mailed to you. Long story short, missed you and our conversations. Need your sarcasm ASAP, mine doesn't seem to cut it anymore. Save me?

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

It feels weird to addressing you as Cam. O_o But that's just me and my odd fear of calling people by name when they're already reading/listening. :P

Are there any countries out there where people aren't dissatisfied with their sports commentators? So far I've heard people wishing their commentators would shut up in Australia, the U.K., the U.S. (my voice being included among those, shouting, "Hey Bob Costas! Belize is NOT an island!"), and now apparently the commentators you watch suck as well. Let's hijack the TV coverage and shut them up!

Heh, some of my friends suspect that that whole opening ceremony for the Olympics was about drugs -- trance/techno music during the Parade of Nations, and the torch looks like a giant joint or something... :P

*still trying to figure out how to best word forthcoming rants about Republicans being in New York City for their convention*

Well, I'm short of words today. Hope ya feel better ASAP, unless you want to send Bush any germs first (though he may be an obnoxious disease himself, seeing how he causes nausea and stomach cramps and loss of appetite so easily), then you can feel better afterward. ;)

Felinely yours,
-The Cosmic Kitty

[norwegianne.livejournal.com]

Dear Olympic sports commentators,

you suck.


Dear Cam,
This Norwegian agrees with you. At least about the Norwegian ones. And what was that thing about switching back to studio during the opening ceremony, and doing a recap of it so far, while the countries still were marching in? Seriously, that was the fun part, as they walked in by the greek alphabet, and not ours, and thus I had no idea which countries were next.

(Dad was annoyed as well, so we switched to Swedish television, who did no such thing, that we could tell, and where the commentators actually knew when to shut the fuck up.)

I'll be watching most of the Olympics on Swedish television.



And yes, always ready to be ruled by you. Though, I'm still second-in-command of New Vinland. Right?

Anne.

[limegreen-sloth.livejournal.com]

Dear World,

Please bring Alexi Nemov out of retirement so we can all perve on the gorgeous Russian gymnast with the oh so sexy accent.

Please turn Ian Thorpe back into the gawky kid I fell in love with before the Sydney Olympics and ban all swimmers from wearing suits that cover more than their thighs.

And please give channel 7 back the footy because as annoying as Bruce is during the Olympics, during the footy season he's still 'special' to me. And if you could organise Roy and HG to do all the commentary, that would be nice too.

Much love, Kelly.

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam,

may I say that I highly appreciate your (rather successful) attempts to demoralize my republican opponent? I had the unspeakable joy to watch his speech growing to be more and more senseless, confused and unbelievable ever since you started your crusade to push him out of his duty. I promise that I - should I be elected - will do my very best to fulfill your expectations in a proper presidency (and to prove that I'm indeed the better cadidate)

Yours sincerely

Senator John Kerry