Miss Cam is sick. And sour. And rants.

[misscam]

Gaaaah.

I feel green. I spent yesterday throwing up. It's disgusting. And depressing. I'd cheer myself up if I had the energy. Instead, I shall write letters and rant a bit. Because I can.



*****

Dear weathergods,

Thank you for the lovely weather. Maybe next summer you'll give it before the summer is pretty much over and done with, yeah? Ta muchly.

*****

Dear Olympic sports commentators,

you suck.

*****

Dear certain OFU writers,

if you are to write a spin-off, is is too much to ask that you actually try to write better than the fictional badfic authors?

*****

Undeearest Bush,

please stop throwing 'evil-doers' about as if you are paid a buck whenever you say it. Evil is a powerful word. Use it with care or you will wear it out until it has lost all meaning and emotional impact and you use it about anyone you disagree with.

In fact, how about shutting up for a week or so? I'm going to get you for days and days when the bloody Republican convention start, so give me a week at least to mentally prepare.

*****

Dear champions of 'traditional values',

you do not decide what marriage is or isn't. Marriage has changed with society, religion, the passing of time and the meeting of cultures. There is no one way marriage has always been. Hell, until recently, marriage was not that much about love. Now it is. And love need not follow gender rules.

*****

Dear Olympic swimmers,

Mmm. Mmmm-mmm. Lovely swimming trunks. Mmm. Oh yes, and you swim well. Yep. I'm totally watching your atlethic abilities and am not ogling at all. Nope.

*****

Dear person e-mailing me,

#@!¤!!! Is it that hard to spell? Or ask when actually trying to get a favour off me? And did I ask to get every detail of your life? And lay off the pretensious attitude.

*****

Dear former friend,

a few choice words do not make past wrongs okay. I don't forget.

*****

Dear world,

ready to be ruled by me yet?



Anyone want to write a 'Dear Cam' letter? ;)

Comments

[bjam1402.livejournal.com]

Dearest Cam,

I agree with the swimmers. Yumyum. Watched any of the diving? You get lovely arse shots. ;) And I'm awfully sorry to hear about you feeling icky. I'd give you snugs, but I'm going away in a few days and would rather not get icky germs. :P And anytime you want to come over and rule America is perfectly fine with me. Could you maybe get rid of phone bills? That might be handy *looks at current bill* Ehehe... Do get better.

~Bjam.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Only the sycronised diving (there's an interesting sport for ya...), alas. But I'm sure there's many lovely wet arses to come in the Olympics.

Such a shame some Greek traditions were not brought on to the modern games - naked games. Mmm.

[neongreenleaf.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

Re: ready to be ruled by me yet?

When do you start? It would please me to be ruled by a woman who has impeccable taste in taste in men (Re: Olympic swimmers) then by someone who opposes men sexually all together. In fact, I think when you gain control, you should enslave the Olympic swimmers for the female populations' enjoyment (that is, if you allows slaves). Whatever the case may be, I and others will abide faithfully by your rules happily.

Cheers.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

There's a request I shall certain take under careful consideration. Probably needs a test run. Any volunteers to have said Olympic swimmers as eye-candy slaves?

[fiendery.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

Yes, it's true. Olympic sports commentators suck. But there is much agreeing on the comment about the swimmers. The volleyball teams are nice too. However, the football teams are always fun to watch despite the bagginess of their uniforms.
Also, get better soon. As you can tell, the sentence is in the imperative and thus, is a command. So get better!
Fine, fine, I could always ask politely. Please get better soon, Miss Cam?

--Eruantale

P.S. The world recently wrote to me about this Miss Cam reign. Said something about needing a democratic vote in a committee to come to a conclusion about this monarchy business. It was really a rather ridiculous thing, but if you give another few months, I'm sure the committee will have bickered long enough to make a decision.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Mustn't forget the various atlethics lads. Many, many fine specimens there.

As for the world - hmpf. If it doesn't want me, I'll have to start wielding lutefisk about and that'll get... nasty.

[the-indy.livejournal.com]

As long as you let me have my precious Canada, you've got my vote. ^_~

Hope you're feeling better soon. =)

--Dissolved Girl

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Heh. I 'll probably be too busy fiddling with New Vinland to muck about with Canada. I'm sure something can be worked out...

[forceofhobbit.livejournal.com]

To: Cam
Re: Dear World
It would be muchly appreciated if you took over the world before the US presidential election in November. Not to rush things, but judging what idiots the American voters (or should I say we) are, if you want to have a world to rule, you'd better hurry.
With that said, get well soon. :-D
--WfR

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If Bush is re-elected, it'll just be much the sweeter to take over and kick him out. Mmmm. Bush-kicking.

Besides, the Americans deserve a chance to get to kick the Shrub themselves.

[andy-longwood.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,
Would you please kill the mousepad on this computer I'm borrowing, as it has erased my letter to you four times now? Thank you.
-Andy

P.S. Lest I forget to send you the actual letter, Oy woman! Swimmers may be nice, but as I have yet to see them, did you see that Swedish flag-bearer? I have not drooled so much since the Cirith Ungol scene in RotK. And I am talking bookverse. That was a lot of drool, I tell you. Incidentally, might you know the name of this Swedish flag-bearing studmuffin, that I may smuggle myself to Athens and stalk/molest him?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

He is a swimmer, actually. Named Lars something (Frølund? Førlund? Something like that). So your best change of ogling him is probably to watch the swimming ;)

*offers Olympic mousepad*

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

It could be worse. You could be listening to Bruce McAveney. Or whoever it is doing the commentary for Australia. What a pity the Olympics got all big money, and the ABC lost it - haven't heard a reasonably coherent commentary on the Olympics since about oooh... 1976 or so. Or at least one which doesn't involve the words "marvellous" or "special" as punctuation.

I'm with you on the swimmers, although for my money, the best eye-candy is the male gymnasts. This may or may not be due to my nationality - swimmers are "personalities" over here, and most of them turn into right whatsits fairly quickly. Male gymnasts, meanwhile, are expected to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time, since they're going to have to find themselves some paid employment at some point.

Meg

[limegreen-sloth.livejournal.com]

Dear World,

Please bring Alexi Nemov out of retirement so we can all perve on the gorgeous Russian gymnast with the oh so sexy accent.

Please turn Ian Thorpe back into the gawky kid I fell in love with before the Sydney Olympics and ban all swimmers from wearing suits that cover more than their thighs.

And please give channel 7 back the footy because as annoying as Bruce is during the Olympics, during the footy season he's still 'special' to me. And if you could organise Roy and HG to do all the commentary, that would be nice too.

Much love, Kelly.

[sasja-sokolov.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam:

While Olympic guys are not my drooling forte (except the Russian gymnasts and a few of their skaters), I can appreciate a nice swimmer's behind.

P.S. neongreenleaf's slave idea is good. If I may be allowed to substitute Olympic swimmers for a few musicians, I would be very, er, pleased. I'll even recant saying Love Actually is a bad movie. ;P

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Hmmm-hmmm. And did you perhaps have some particular musicians in mind, you shameless hussy? Hmmm?

[mademoisellenon.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam,

my LJ phenomenally sucks and blows because it deleted my comment which is probably a good thing b/c of the mistakes *innocent look*. Apologies, I am half-asleep while writing this. Anyway, I'm sure the comment was e-mailed to you. Long story short, missed you and our conversations. Need your sarcasm ASAP, mine doesn't seem to cut it anymore. Save me?

[misscam.livejournal.com]

First time I've heard anyone claiming my scarcasm has "saving" abilities ;)And yes, I did get the original comment e-mailed before it got deleted. SillyLJ.

*offers to marry Orlando and then kick all fangirl asses for him*

[sinneahtes.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

It feels weird to addressing you as Cam. O_o But that's just me and my odd fear of calling people by name when they're already reading/listening. :P

Are there any countries out there where people aren't dissatisfied with their sports commentators? So far I've heard people wishing their commentators would shut up in Australia, the U.K., the U.S. (my voice being included among those, shouting, "Hey Bob Costas! Belize is NOT an island!"), and now apparently the commentators you watch suck as well. Let's hijack the TV coverage and shut them up!

Heh, some of my friends suspect that that whole opening ceremony for the Olympics was about drugs -- trance/techno music during the Parade of Nations, and the torch looks like a giant joint or something... :P

*still trying to figure out how to best word forthcoming rants about Republicans being in New York City for their convention*

Well, I'm short of words today. Hope ya feel better ASAP, unless you want to send Bush any germs first (though he may be an obnoxious disease himself, seeing how he causes nausea and stomach cramps and loss of appetite so easily), then you can feel better afterward. ;)

Felinely yours,
-The Cosmic Kitty

[misscam.livejournal.com]

I think we can safely say that around the world, most sports commentators suck. Booo! Boo, I say!

*mails germs to the White House*

[norwegianne.livejournal.com]

Dear Olympic sports commentators,

you suck.


Dear Cam,
This Norwegian agrees with you. At least about the Norwegian ones. And what was that thing about switching back to studio during the opening ceremony, and doing a recap of it so far, while the countries still were marching in? Seriously, that was the fun part, as they walked in by the greek alphabet, and not ours, and thus I had no idea which countries were next.

(Dad was annoyed as well, so we switched to Swedish television, who did no such thing, that we could tell, and where the commentators actually knew when to shut the fuck up.)

I'll be watching most of the Olympics on Swedish television.



And yes, always ready to be ruled by you. Though, I'm still second-in-command of New Vinland. Right?

Anne.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was also interesting to watch the costumes. *shakes fist at NRK* I couldn't care less what the studio guests thought of it. I, sadly, don't get Swedish television. That would save me from the bloody "how's the Norwegian atlethe doing?" every bloody minute.

And of course you're second-in-command. New Vinland needs more than one in charge to fix it up.

[belegcuthalion.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam,

may I say that I highly appreciate your (rather successful) attempts to demoralize my republican opponent? I had the unspeakable joy to watch his speech growing to be more and more senseless, confused and unbelievable ever since you started your crusade to push him out of his duty. I promise that I - should I be elected - will do my very best to fulfill your expectations in a proper presidency (and to prove that I'm indeed the better cadidate)

Yours sincerely

Senator John Kerry

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Dear John,

one tries one's best. But if you do win, be a good President. Don't piss off the entire world or I will come invading to smack your ass as surely as I would smack Bush's. I just might smack you more lightly, as your ass looks nicer.

Friendly Norwegian greetings,

Cam

[the-factionlair.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam

We are ready to be ruled by you, and join New Vinland.

From
The Ignorant Masses

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Fear not, masses, you shall not be ignorant for long. I plan to educate you.

[fondued-jicama.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,

Re: Undearest Bush,

This coming from a Republican who doesn't like Bush. I say that your party should throw out Kerry and get Edwards as Pres candidate, because at that point and time my party would all switch to your party.

Either that, or can we split off from the Republican party like the Protestants split from the Catholics, and get a different candidate?

Actually, no. Just put a Narn in charge.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Edwards, hmmm? How is his ass?

The whole two party system will be among the first things to go when I take over. People need more than two choices. Five or six might do the trick.

G'Kar for President?

[deesarrachi.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam:

In regards to the Shrub: I agree wholeheartedly. If he could shut up for a while, all would be good. And I've some Sprite Remix saved up for that special day when you rule the world. Please get better soon!

Cheers,

Dee

[misscam.livejournal.com]

If he'd shut up for good, all would be spectacular ;)

[musemistress.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam.

Most assuredly I should thank you to start with for showing me the path to political and literal enlightment in the sense that now I will never crush canon like I did in my horrific first MS, and that the Shrub brother of Roger's shrubberies is no longer on my hit list. He is now in my physical line of fire and shall be soiling himself quite sweetly before too much time passes.

And the Olympics? *sigh* I saw my first event today with the men's 200mtr freestyle swimming and the mere fact three of the most droolworthy men managed to get up on the podium had me grinning like a happy Wednesday Adams.

I still say Eros was the hottest. Slinky blue lycra...spinning through the air...DAMN THE MORALS all those men should have been naked. I mean come on, they were close enough with the prominant additions to the skin tight pants.

*rubs forhead* Wait...Aren't I supposed to be gay?

Ok Miss Cam. You win for now. I'll try to wrangle my natural self back after the sexy ones leave the tv screen.

I'll say it now. You have made a lot of changes in my life...am still wondering if the last one was a good thing or not :S


Your's sincerely: Vana E

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Well, just because you're gay it doesn't mean you can't enjoy a lovely peace of art such as a finely sculpted male body. And anyway, nothing wrong with enjoying both genders.

And I shudder to think that there's one more Shrub that might one day run for President.

[blue-moon-ice.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,
I am afraid I have some bad news. I was looking at a friend's lj and she had a quiz posted. This quiz was entitled 'What kind of sex scandals will your LJ friendsget into?' And I am sad to say that it told me that you're political career will be ruined by sex with an intern.

Sincerely,
Brigid

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Bah, what kind of slander is that?

But then if I'm old and have an affair with my toy-boy intern - well, there's nothing like ending a political career with style.

[ladyumbra.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam
Re: undeearest Bush,Olympic swimmers,Olympic sports commentators,
Now now Miss cam evil is the Shrubs favorite word, it justifies everything he does in his own little world.*drools at the thuoght of swimmers* That was a good 65% of today's coverage , and I have to say I whole heartedly enjoyed every moment of it. Canadian commentators aren't much better they babble during the best parts while decidng who gets to speak what lines and spend have the time cuttign each other off.I assure you we all suffer from bad commentators.

[misscam.livejournal.com]

He's also very fond of 'freedom'. I swear, the man will wear them out one day. They'll just seize to exist.

[bodldops.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam,
Re: Olympic Sports Commentators.

While taking over the world, can you please enact new rules that make it illegal for said commentators to use the words 'unexpected', 'unbelievable', 'inconceivable', 'shocking', as well as any door references of any sort.

Thank you for your time.
Bodldops

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Indeed - commercial breaks in the middle of the event should also be banned. Bloody evil, it is. Grr.

^_^

[taka-sahale.livejournal.com]

Dear Miss Cam,
I am a great fan of OFUM and the PPC stories, and I agree with the Olympic swimmer sentiment, like many here.
Feel free to take over the US. Maybe you could make Disneyland into a replica of OFUM/MUSM or something. That, I'd be willing to see!
Please get well soon!

-Taka Sahale

Re: ^_^

[misscam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but who would be my Morgoth and Sauron?

(Incidentally, if you weren't aware, I did *not* write the PPC. I merely host the stories.)