Writing Updates and Slight Rant
Apr. 26th, 2005 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misscamEast of the Sun, West of the Moon has Chapter Ten up, and there be C/W naughtiness. (You can also find it here)
You realise just how much stories can live their own life when you have carefully planned just how Grissom is going to be an ass - and instead, he actually acts somewhat considerate and ends up taking a risk. Grissom, why are you being so nice in my mind? Stop it! (This is a future chapter - I just finished ch. 16. Go fast-writing me.)
Also, I had an evil W/S C/W G/S plotbunny of doom last night just as I was going to sleep. I even have parts written down. I'm a bad girl.
I'm also carefully preparing for my 500th post on GAFF with a truly hideous G/S story that I've tortured some of my friends with. But all this leads me to today's topic of minor rant - sex and CSIfic. Not always a match made in heaven.
Now, you're young, you want to write sex - and you don't yet have that much experience yourself. That's fine. I'm not asking you to go out and get laid in the name of smutfic research (unless you want to). But if you want to write Grissom and Sara happily at it on Grissom's desk, or Catherine and Warrick playing naughty bunnies in the lockerroom, *know what you write*. And by 'know', I don't mean read romance novels. A few facts of sexlife:
1) Simultaneous orgasms are not the norm. They are rare.
2) A body of seventeen is not the same as a body of fifty nor is the sexual stamina. Grissom does not have the power of the Energizer Bunny.
3) Sex isn't always the greatest thing you've ever had. Sometimes, it can be meh.
4) Sex does not heal any of the following: Rape, torture, abuse, hunger, wars, broken bones or amnesia. It can be a comfort, yes, but if it healed, the world's population would be a heck of lot more healthy in all ways.
5) The penis is a nifty thing, yes, but the mere sight of it or thrust of it will not make a woman orgasm at the spot. Know thine clitoris.
6) Sex isn't the only way a couple bonds.
7) People in their thirties and fourties have as a rule had sex quite a few times. They are not going to start acting like teenage virgins all of a sudden.
8) It takes a couple a little while to sort out the terrain and get to know just what the other partner likes. No one instantly knows every thing another human being gets off on. Not even Grissom.
I could probably think of a few more, but I'm lazy.
Today's meme:
Invent-a-meme! Comment and give me a meme to do of your invention. I will answer in the comments.
You realise just how much stories can live their own life when you have carefully planned just how Grissom is going to be an ass - and instead, he actually acts somewhat considerate and ends up taking a risk. Grissom, why are you being so nice in my mind? Stop it! (This is a future chapter - I just finished ch. 16. Go fast-writing me.)
Also, I had an evil W/S C/W G/S plotbunny of doom last night just as I was going to sleep. I even have parts written down. I'm a bad girl.
I'm also carefully preparing for my 500th post on GAFF with a truly hideous G/S story that I've tortured some of my friends with. But all this leads me to today's topic of minor rant - sex and CSIfic. Not always a match made in heaven.
Now, you're young, you want to write sex - and you don't yet have that much experience yourself. That's fine. I'm not asking you to go out and get laid in the name of smutfic research (unless you want to). But if you want to write Grissom and Sara happily at it on Grissom's desk, or Catherine and Warrick playing naughty bunnies in the lockerroom, *know what you write*. And by 'know', I don't mean read romance novels. A few facts of sexlife:
1) Simultaneous orgasms are not the norm. They are rare.
2) A body of seventeen is not the same as a body of fifty nor is the sexual stamina. Grissom does not have the power of the Energizer Bunny.
3) Sex isn't always the greatest thing you've ever had. Sometimes, it can be meh.
4) Sex does not heal any of the following: Rape, torture, abuse, hunger, wars, broken bones or amnesia. It can be a comfort, yes, but if it healed, the world's population would be a heck of lot more healthy in all ways.
5) The penis is a nifty thing, yes, but the mere sight of it or thrust of it will not make a woman orgasm at the spot. Know thine clitoris.
6) Sex isn't the only way a couple bonds.
7) People in their thirties and fourties have as a rule had sex quite a few times. They are not going to start acting like teenage virgins all of a sudden.
8) It takes a couple a little while to sort out the terrain and get to know just what the other partner likes. No one instantly knows every thing another human being gets off on. Not even Grissom.
I could probably think of a few more, but I'm lazy.
Today's meme:
Invent-a-meme! Comment and give me a meme to do of your invention. I will answer in the comments.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 11:19 am (UTC)I'd like to add: it can also hurt like hell, even if rape, non-con, BDSM and/or torture AREN'T involved.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 11:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 11:24 am (UTC)I am actually in the middle of composing my smut manifesto. Because seriously, things are getting a little out of hand out here. There is going to be an entire subsection on clitoral stimulation, I tell you what.
Oh, right, a meme.
On the theme of super powers, because I was listening to a song of the same name just moments ago.
1) You are a superhero. Your name, please.
2) You also get a cool outfit. Describe it.
3) Please list any/all super powers you may have.
4) A superhero always has a rad crib. What is your lair like?
5) Your theme song was composed by ______ , and is titled ________ .
6) Who are your sidekicks? Do they get cool names too?
7) Your superhero vehicle of choice is?
8) Your wise teacher/mentor/sensei is?
9) You first mission will be to ____________.
10.) You nemesis is named ______, and you will defeat them by _____________ .
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 11:37 am (UTC)Smut manifesto? Now that is sorely needed because damn, I've read some seriously, seriously bad smut in the CSI fandom.
1) Wrath Valkyrie.
2) Black leather, black leather whip, boots that can kick out sharp skikes, a belt where trouts can hang.
3) I can call upon the powers of the Nordic Gods, make trouts deadly and make any male pregnant.
4) It's up high on a Norwegian mountain and it's a king-size cabin with a sauna, access to satelites and hefty computer surveilance and has a male harem.
5) It was composed by Nick Cave and is called Ride Forth, Woman of Battle.
6) Saz, the Smeg of Justice and Warrick, Dark Hot Avenger.
7) Thor's carriage.
8) Odin.
9) Off the Shrub and make the US "New Vinland".
10.) The Right-Wingers and they will be defeated by gay porn.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:23 pm (UTC)Ride Forth, Woman of Battle needs to be a song now. NOW I SAY! Excellent answers, thank you. I am quite pleased.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:47 pm (UTC)Yes. And Nick Cave needs to sing it to me in his dark, seducing voice. Now.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 12:24 pm (UTC)Oh noes. I have amnesia. *meets someone* I have no idea who you are. Let's fuck. *is having sex* Hey! I remember who you are! You're my long lost lurve! *snog**climaxes twenty-four times in a row**cigarette break*
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:01 pm (UTC)Anyway, that's great advice about sex in writing. Really. I hate those "lyke omg grissum wants 2 shag teh katherin omfggg its so kewl" stories.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:50 pm (UTC)Yeah, those fics burn like the fires of hell itself. I weep. And then I mentally smack the authors.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:15 pm (UTC)THANK YOU.
(signed, someone in her 30s who hits the back button FAST when she sees this. I'm sure 30something/40something terrified virgins exist, but I have never met one that I know of and I certainly would never sleep with one.)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:47 pm (UTC)You should know indeed. *nods wisely*
7) People in their thirties and fourties have as a rule had sex quite a few times. They are not going to start acting like teenage virgins all of a sudden.
How right you are. *grins*
No one instantly knows every thing another human being gets off on. Not even Grissom.
*is disappointed* And I thought Grissom knew everything!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 01:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 02:51 pm (UTC)That has got to be my all-time pet peeve in fic, sex makes it allll better. Uhhh, no. Sadly, this is untrue. :|
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 06:54 pm (UTC)Surely, you kid.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 02:37 am (UTC)Take deep breaths, the shock will fade.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 08:37 pm (UTC)Incidentally, random thing that just occurred to me. (What can I say, been hanging around the lab too much) When you get around to OFUCSI, there is a semmingly innocent, but not trivial thing you may want to put on the application if there are going to be any science lab classes: find out who wears glasses or contacts...cause baaad stuff happens to people who wear contacts in the lab...
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 02:38 am (UTC)More chapters are written and will come, have no fear.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 06:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 11:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 02:40 am (UTC)So Sean Bean is the Penis of Wonder. You should marry him. You'll never be sick again.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 06:29 am (UTC)Oh, I might do that -- only in order to improve my health, of course. :D
Sex doesn't heal...
Date: 2005-04-27 12:44 am (UTC)Gets sudden disturbing image of Turin and Nienor getting it on…
Help! Get me out of here! Even better, where’s that annoying talking sword of yours!?!?
Re: Sex doesn't heal...
Date: 2005-04-27 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 04:01 am (UTC)Anywayz; here are a couple of memes. Pick your poison:
Where are you going?
Why am I stalking you?
Why are you so sad?
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 07:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-28 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 05:37 am (UTC)Not inventing you a meme though. I suck in such things. But I take it that you'll survive :P
LJ is evil
Date: 2005-04-27 07:23 am (UTC)Sniff, sniff. Ah well. I suspect I shall live :P
meme
Date: 2005-04-27 03:07 pm (UTC)Hehehe
Date: 2005-04-28 06:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-29 03:01 pm (UTC)Thank you for the laugh. :)